postaday

To pee or not to pee…

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On Saturday, at about 5 pm and dark out, we were getting out of our car at a store. I hear this strange sound and look over and see a large man peeing in the parking lot. Gross. Luckily, I saw him from behind instead of the front. Still I could not get it out of my mind as we went into the store. So much so that I wanted to make our purchase, leave, and come home. Why did it bother me so much?

I am not completely against the peeing in public thing. I have a friend that will drop and pee if needed, but she is discreet. This was far from discreet. There is also a big difference between a small woman crouching down and hiding behind a car door, and a man standing in the middle of the parking lot, with the sound of his spray similar to a fire hydrant.

What would you have done? I would love to have said something to the man, however, I was not in the safest of neighborhoods, and he was three times my size. I had a hard time finding out if it was against the law in Oregon or in Portland to publicly urinate. I found this, but I am not sure if it is legitimate:

“Any person who urinates upon any public sidewalk, street, parking lot or building, or in any public place, except in receptacles and recognized places provided for those purposes, commits a Class B violation.”

If it is that hard for me to find an answer online, then I wonder if most people know whether it is legal or not. I was thinking about the person that parks in that spot next. When they get out of the car, and they step into a pool of water they might think it is rain (it is Portland), or they might think someone emptied their beverage, not their bladder.

#whatisthisworldcomingto

Tell it like it is…

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I often think I do not do the best job of telling people in my life how important they are to me. We just had probably one of the most normal holidays of all holidays, Thanksgiving. While you might have stuffed your face with cornbread stuffing and other Turkey Day favorites, what did you do to tell someone else how important they are to you?

I did to one person, but I can sometimes be shy to tell others. I am never hold back to tell Chris what I am thinking, and Thanksgiving Day is no different. I adore him, and am ever so grateful that he is in my life. Yet, why is it that sometimes I let time go by without telling other family members and certain friends how I feel?

I recently read a few posts from someone I used to work with and am connected to on Facebook who had a childhood friend pass on from cancer. She did not know her friend had cancer. She was shocked and upset. You could read the pain through her posts. It got me thinking. How often do we tell those in our life, no matter how close they are to us, how important they are to us? If you have not recently, what is holding you back?

I am going to try to reach out to friends and family in the coming weeks and tell them how I feel and that they are important to me. Holidays can be full of fun and happiness for some, and challenging and depressing for others. December is a great month to reach out and connect with others. You never know what another individual might need until you reach out and express your appreciation and love to them. Here I go, will you join me?!

I hope you had a wonderful holiday, enjoyed time with friends and family, and are ready to get back to work. A happy week to you!

A letter from a friend to her mom…

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While some of you may be watching individuals get attacked at Best Buy, or waiting in long lines at your local mall, your patience might be wearing thin. I thought I would share a little humanity and love with you today. I have no interest to join in on any Black Friday sales, but I hope the story I share means you call your mother, or if you mom is no longer with you, whoever in your life you feel compelled to reach out to and tell them how much they mean to you.

When I read this I instantly had tears in my eyes. Actually they were running down my face. As someone who has lost my mom, I read the following letter and thought about my mom riding a bike again, and what it would be like to watch. But, I also had tears and a smile for Mindy and her mom. I’ve known Mindy for almost 20 years and I know many of the ups and downs she has had with her mom. Both with her own frustrations with her mom, and with her deep love for her. Mindy is not someone to ooze with bubbly ramblings about your place in her life. When she tells you what she thinks, you listen. This is her story to share:

“My Mom. A warrior. A breast cancer survivor. A woman who has been dealing with the debilitating disease MS (multiple sclerosis) for at least 15-20 years. She has been hospitalized 3x for an extended period of time within the last year. She walks with a walker, falls often, but always gets back up. She looks like a drunk person when she walks yet every step she takes is calculated and focused. A journey to get from one room to another. One foot in front of the other. Carefully. She repeats herself, forgets things often, or sometimes gets her facts mixed up. Maybe a result of the changing lesions on her brain and spine. I get frustrated with her. I am her primary care giver. Her only care giver. She has a string necklace she hangs on her neck with a plastic button that is her lifeline to 911 if she needs it.

But, with this frustration is a love I cannot verbalize. An admiration for an amazing women beyond words. She told me a few years ago it was her goal to be able to ride a bike again. I smiled. Normally, a very positive motivating person, but felt complete doubt and remorse for her. I didn’t believe her dream would ever come true. She worked with therapists. Tossing balls, balancing on her two feet, using elastic bands to build strength. But, I still never though the day would come. How in the world would she be able to balance on two wheels if she can’t even balance on two feet with a walker?

Mindy’s mom…

But, about 2 months ago mom made a purchase. She bought this bike. With three wheels. Ahhhh. Maybe her dream of riding a bike would come true. On occasion she would tell me she rode her bike that day. I secretly was worried, but would tell her how great that was. Yesterday. Yesterday she told me she rode 3 laps around her block. That is 1.5 miles! My mom. A warrior. A bike rider. I tried to capture in this photo the sense of shear freedom I see in her face when she rides her bike. I think my hand was shaking as I took the photo with complete awe. She has conquered the world. One pedal stroke at a time. Every second fighting for her life and freedom to be normal again. I never tell you this mom. But, I love you. Thank you for being my hero. Love, Mindy”

Oh, Mindy. What a wonderful mom, daughter, and friend you are each day. I appreciate and love you. You and your mom are both warriors. Bring it!

Gobble Gobble…

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I am a bit of a holiday downer. Not a complete Scrooge, but close. I have a hard time with Thanksgiving and Christmas, partly because I think we should be grateful everyday, and I think Christmas has lost its true meaning.

I have fond memories of the holidays when I was a kid. I remember the food at Thanksgiving, and my mom spending hours cooking. Pumpkin pie, turkey, mashed potatoes. We did not have any traditions like going for a walk, watching football, or inviting other families over. Mostly I remember the food, the smells, and often we might play a family game. I remember after we had our special meal and we helped clean up the kitchen we would go our separate ways for the rest of the day. I most likely hid in my room snuggled up with a book.

As I got older and things got rougher at home, Thanksgiving went from a meal with my family, to often not coming home from school, or having a strange meal with my sister and grandma. I remember one holiday (I cannot remember if it was Christmas or Thanksgiving) we had purchased ingredients to make a meal and my sister and I realized we were short a key ingredient, which meant it was not possible to make the dish. We went out to see if we can find a substitute only to find that the only store that was open was Village Pantry (a midwest version of 7 Eleven). The only thing they had that could make a meal was some older dusty cans of spaghetti sauce. So we had spaghetti that holiday.

Not having normal holidays has made me cynical about them. I have tried from year to year to create my own traditions, and some years it has worked and other years it just has felt exhausting. So this Thanksgiving rather than try to carve out a tradition or holiday expectation, or to force any excitement at all, I am going to ponder these words from Tony Robbins:

“Trade your expectation for appreciation and the world changes instantly.”

With no expectations (gosh that is so hard for me!) I am going to just think of what I truly am appreciative of and grateful for. During this week of Thanksgiving, I will honor all that has happened in 2012 and see all the change, triumph, and joy that has been brought into my life.

With gratitude to everyone that reads this post and random olio. May you have a yummy meal (sans spaghetti sauce) and a warm and love filled day on Thursday. Happy day of gratitude!

Response to yesterday’s blog

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Yesterday I wrote about a book I had a recently read and shared a quote. I received the following comment from Renee at unpackedwriter:

“Great post! Very well written, yet author has not answered the question of the post…Have you gone there? How have you opened that door and revealed or re-revealed yourself as you really are? Hard to make these generalizations, as wonderfully expressed as they are without examples.

And what happens if we change the script of who we are midlife, or begin a slow but unrevealed realization that we’ve been concealing something. Speaking as a woman, I’ve hidden certain types of rarely used “toys” from my husband because they haven’t fit the understood script of who we are together. How does the book address such? Are there examples you are comfortable sharing from your own life?”

I thought today that I would respond to this comment directly in my blog. Thank you for your feedback, Renee. I have definitely gone there. I hide nothing from my husband. We have a completely transparent marriage. If you talked to my friends you would find that I do not go to them with my relationship issues. If there is something that needs to be discussed about my marriage, it is with Chris himself. My marriage is with Chris and not with others in my life, therefore, he should be the one that knows my thoughts, concerns, and feelings. There is not a day that goes by that he does not know what I am thinking and feeling.

If we have had a disagreement, or not communicated well and I am upset, I cannot fall asleep at night. I might go to bed, and try, but I cannot go to sleep. I may have laid there for hours, and if I do and he has fallen asleep, I have to be the brat and wake him up and talk it all out. This rarely happens, because most of the time we over communicate.

Regarding your question about if the book addresses this – the answer is no. Since Shapiro’s book is a compilation of interviews with married or divorced individuals, there were short snippets of ideas and quotes from individuals. The quote I shared was from one individual’s experience. It made me think of individuals in my life that are in relationships, hiding who they really are because they are afraid of losing the person they are dating. I so want them and others in my life to be who they are, and not hide because of the thought of losing someone in their life.

I hope that sheds more light and background on my own personal experience and thoughts. As well as a bit about why it was important to me. Thank you again for taking the time to share your comment and feedback!