Last night I had a much-needed night with a good friend. A night away from the normal day-to-day to reconnect and be reminded of what is really important. An interesting analogy was brought up during our conversation about how a great relationship is like a great financial portfolio. Ponder this with me:
_You get what you put into it. Think of it like a mutual fund or an IRA. If you continue to feed and put money into the account it will continue to grow for you. If you leave it, and never watch or nurture it then it will sit and never do anything. The same is true for relationships – whether a friendship, or a romantic relationship, you get back what you put into it. Think about how you are investing, whether financial or personal.
_Over time your investment grows. I think of the friendships that I have had over time. Some continue to grow and others have a strange nostalgia that make us want to hold on to what we remember. Sort of like keeping money in a savings account. These days it does not really matter how much money you have in a savings account, you are not going to get much return on your investment. The friendships and financial accounts that are worth keeping will grow for us over time. Those that we no longer benefit from should be divested from our lives.
_Never put your eggs in one basket. You always want to make sure you diversify your friendships and your financial portfolio. It does not mean you must have a ton of friends. You can have a few that are deep and important relationships, but make sure you do not limit yourself. Shit happens, and sometimes that means that putting our eggs in one basket can devastate our future, whether pertaining to finances or our relationships. Diversify your friendships, so that you have different support mechanisms when something or someone fails you.
_Be grateful for what you have. Regardless of how many friends you have, or how amazing your romantic relationships are, be grateful for what you have right in front of you. We forget that our lives are often so much better than we can ever imagine, we just forget to look at the shiny spots. I imagine we all can be more thankful for the wealth we have in our life, whether via relationships or finances.
A happy evening, with much food for thought pondering ideas of wealth, gratitude, and all that we have right in front of us. Hopefully this makes you think about how you fuel your finances and relationships.
Yesterday I was talking to a friend about relationships. The ebb and flow of the romantic relationships in our life. Men and women are so different. We often really are from different planets. Recently Chris and I have disagreed about different topics and the key component of our disagreements have been around listening.
Listening. Such an interesting aspect of relationships. In the end all we really want is to be heard. We want others to listen to us and most of all we want to be understood. The rare occasions that Chris and I fight and bicker usually results to being heard, trusted, and listening. Kind of a no-brainer really. Who does not want to feel like they matter and the person they love and care about most is there for them?
There are ten other great signs, but those are the ones that stand out to me most. Chris will tell you, when I am all in, I am all in. Step aside because when I get something in my mind and decide to do it, there is no stopping me. I am not a quitter. It is a strength and a weakness, but hey, we all have flaws. We all fart and burp, puke and stink. We are gloriously flawed. And since I am an open book, he always knows what I am thinking unless I am deep in process/thought mode, but even then I am usually discussing my thoughts with him. Nothing is off-limits. However, it does not mean we talk about every single thing. There are things that happen in the quiet and stillness of being together and doing our own thing.
In the end, and what matters most is that we stay true to who we are. I am an all in, flawed, say-what-is-on-my-mind, badass woman. He has the unique and special opportunity of waking up next to me everyday.
He is a gentlemen. He is listening, watching, and aware. However, do not be fooled, he can have a bite too. As you watch him in a room, he can often be the quiet one, but when he talks others listen. Most likely it is because he does not fill the airwaves with mindless banter (as I might be more accused of doing). Regardless of his quiet demeanor, he has always put me first (well 99% of the time–no one is that perfect)! Yes, I am speaking of Chris. My man, my partner in crime. He is good to me, takes care of me, and does little things that make me feel safe. An example, walking back to our car in a sketchy part of town, he will open the door for me and make sure I am in the car safely. Does he do it all the time? No, do I want him to? Hell no. Do I love that he does it randomly? Yes (said with a smile).
“I wrote a post about chivalry, trying to unpack what it means to be feminist in romantic relationships. I liked when guys opened doors for me but wondered if that fed a stereotype that women were weak and needed to be taken care of by men. I thought about it and felt good about the distinction that I came up with—door opening as a loving gesture versus door opening with an ‘I don’t think you can open this heavy door by your little self!’ attitude. What I ended up writing was that it’s romantic if it happens out of care and interdependence but not romantic if the guy thinks you are an ‘invalid’—a word I was trying to use ironically.” Page 229
Martin mentions romantic relationships, but I think as a woman it can also translate to work. You can tell which male co-workers open the door because they are just opening the door for you, (and you would do the same for them) and how many are doing it because of a power play. They feel like they should, as Martin mentions they think you are too weak to do so, or they are better at the task. It is always a little strange as a woman, that men let me go first through a door. I mean–why does it matter who goes first?
Whether the men I work with everyday, or the one I have chosen to spend my life with decide to do it as a “loving gesture” or not, I hope they at least think about their intent. That is all that really matters, right? At the end of the day, power over another does not make us equals. Why not look at the relationship and decide what works? Maybe we all have different ways to show we care, and we also have different ways to show our power.