trust

A good night sleep

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Most all of us like to cuddle, whether we are 3 months, 3 years, 30 years. The art of the cuddle is the security of connectedness, closeness, and feeling safe. Sleep is always the necessary commodity for both babies, toddlers, and their parents. Either you have a sleeper or you do not, or the child ebbs and flows from one extreme to the other. With my sister and good friend both having babies in the last 3 months, it seems to be a current topic. Co-sleeping, cribs, naps while laying on you, not sleeping unless you are near them. There are so many different philosophies to what we should and should not do, how we treat sleep schedules, whether we should co-sleep with our babies.

I honestly do not know what I will do, or how I will handle whatever situation I am in, all I do know is that every child and every situation is different. I might have selected how I want to handle sleeping, only to find out that it will not work for my child. I obviously do not have to worry about it for the moment. However, when I saw this video of this father who goes much farther than I would to get his daughter to go to sleep, I laughed. You have to watch it entirely. It is comical, and yet you can probably relate. He is probably thinking my back is going to be fun to stretch out tomorrow.

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What do you think? Would you go that far to get your baby to stop crying and go to sleep? It does show how sometimes we just want to be close to another, safe in their arms. She goes right to sleep if she is laying on him. I can relate. Sometimes just snuggled up next to Chris on the couch I can fall right to sleep. Comfort + Safety + Trust = A good night sleep.

 

Unapologetically herself.

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Ah, I found a quote that I love, love, love.

“There is nothing more rare, nor more beautiful, than a woman being unapologetically herself; comfortable in her perfect imperfection. To me, that is the true essence of beauty.” ― Steve Maraboli

Thank you to catscaffeinecake for sharing this quote on your blog. It makes me smile, and it makes me relish being a woman, and having no qualms whatsoever for being myself. There was a time in my life when I was more introverted, occasionally quiet, and not so excited to talk about my life. Now I imagine Chris is often wondering when I am going to shut up. Although when I am quiet, I think it makes him squirm a bit. Why? Because he loves when I am unapologetically myself, loudness and all.

A colleague recently told me my nickname should be Tami without the “A”, so TMI (too much information). He is right. I probably do go overboard with sharing whatever is on my mind. I do not have a filter, and definitely know that there are some situations when I should keep my mouth shut. There are other situations when I feel so comfortable, that I do not censor myself and I am sure that those around me are sometimes shocked with what comes out of my mouth.

What if everyone was unapologetically themselves? Would we trust others more because we knew that they were being completely transparent with us? No games played, just each of us being true to ourselves and those around us. We would all be more comfortable with each other, not worried about our flaws or inadequacies, with little care to what others thought.

I think when others are unapologetically themselves it is attractive. What do you think?

Look people in the eye

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I have a thing about looking other people in the eye. When you meet someone for the first time, you shake their hand, and you look them in the eye. It is just what should be done. No one taught me that, no one told me that is what should be. I was taught more about the strong hand shake rather than about someone’s eyes. Yet, it is what connects me with another and it is what can irk me about someone.

When I meet a new person and their eyes wander or if they can never make direct eye contact with me for those few moments, I become uneasy. I wonder why they do not want to look at me. I think of those moments as a time when you can learn so much about another person. It is not like you are truly looking into their soul, but to me you can tell so much in those few moments. Are they comfortable around me? Do they have something to hide? Are they being honest with their self? Do they have something to hide from me specifically?

I remember a few strange eye contact interactions when I met one specific woman. The place and details do not matter. What matters is that going into the introductions I already did not trust her. The details I had heard about her made me think that I should be aware of what I said and how I shared certain things from my life. Then her eyes told me that I should trust my intuition. She could not make eye contact with me. What that tells me is be careful, this person might not be trustworthy. Walk carefully, and watch what you say. Sometimes people are just so in their own worlds that they do not have any idea how they bring themselves into a conversation and so you have to take everything with a grain of salt, but watch another’s body language. Watch how they shake your hand, how they look at you, or how they do not look at you. It can tell you a lot about a person.

What do you think?

Trust me

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Why should I trust you? Should we trust people immediately when we meet them, or should they have to earn our trust? Most of the time I give people the benefit of the doubt that they can be trusted, but if they do something that crosses that line that makes them not trustworthy, they will have to work hard to earn my trust back.

Trust is a crucial topic in my life. It is the cornerstone of my marriage, imperative in my friendships, and integral in my daily work life. My approach consists of giving others the space and opportunity to show me who they are, and if they follow through with what they have committed to me, it allows me to continue to be open and transparent with them. If the space and openness I have provided is tarnished by dishonesty, or missed commitments, the relationship becomes more closed. I no longer want to open up or share of myself with them.

Is it so hard, or so much to ask to be honest, and do what you say you will do? In my marriage, that means that we are completely transparent with each other. We say the tough stuff, are blunt with each other, and hold each other accountable to the commitments we have agreed to with each other. It is not always easy, and can sometimes be work, but it is always worth it in the long run.

At work, I know that everyone does things in their own way, and there are numerous ways to handle tasks and projects. I am not worried about how someone goes about a project so much as that they are honest, do it well, and follow through on the commitments they made. Good work, honesty, and follow through to me are the foundation of trust in good working relationships. Once I know that my colleagues meet those standards, then trust comes easy to me. Trust among my co-workers has led to some amazing connections and friendships along the way.

Maybe this blog makes me sound like a bitch, but I have very high standards. Trust is the glue in relationships. With trust, relationships are open and transparent. Without it, intimacy is closed.

Why should I trust you?

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Who do you trust? I have a hard time with “trust” in general. I am working on it though. Too often growing up others made promises that they did not keep, and over time it wore me down, and has made it hard for me to trust others. There are a few people in my life that I trust without question. For a select few, I might go along with plans, and have a back-up just in case promises made to me do not come through. Is having a back-up plan a bad thing? Maybe.

This Seth Godin blog titled: “Where does our trust come from?” hit home with me. I am including the full text of his blog post here:

“Hint: it never comes from the good times and from the easy projects.

We trust people because they showed up when it wasn’t convenient, because they told the truth when it was easier to lie and because they kept a promise when they could have gotten away with breaking it.

Every tough time and every pressured project is another opportunity to earn the trust of someone you care about.”

Wow. So true. Those that I trust in my life, were there with me in the fun times and the tough times. They never hesitate to tell me what I might need to hear, even if they do not want to share it with me, or when they know they might get the wrath of my response. How do you move forward and begin to trust others again? How do you know that they will not continue to break their promises? The only answer I have is to take it each day at a time, moment by moment, and listen for what feels right to do in each situation. Maybe that is the only way to build up trust, and over time let go of the control you hold close.

Do you show up for others? Every moment of each day could be a moment where you can be there for someone else, where you can show your true colors and hopefully they trust you in return.