I am back. Or I think I am back. I do not know for how long. See I like things to be consistent. If I say I am going to be somewhere, I will be there. I do not want you to get your hopes up, in that every-day-there-will-be-a-blog kind of way. For now I think I can deliver. Although, I am not making any promises. But for now, I am back.
And…I feel like myself again. Motherhood is so many things. Some can be expressed so clearly and described, and others have to be experienced firsthand. I am a planner and a list maker. Motherhood has already taught me that I can have all the plans I want, and eventually they may happen, but for now this moment is all that matters. Birthing a baby has turned my world upside down.
The world continues to spin, work happens, life happens, but these moments with a newborn are as though time has stopped. They are so precious, so right-in-the-moment. Often I do not get a real meal in there, instead Chris finds me with a bag of open pretzels (and yes I ate half the bag). Easy wins, right? Nico is now 3.5 months old. I have folks ask me if I am going to continue with my blog and I think yes, no, er. I don’t know.
I will find that an hour has passed and I have sat in the same spot staring down at the baby sleeping on me. The wrap that I am wearing that holds him so close to me is drenched from the heat from both of our bodies. As I write this I am also slightly cold and wet from the amount of spit up that came out as I put him in the wrap. He fell right to sleep, so we both will deal with it.
I am back, but if you do not hear from me, you will know I had one of those days.
random olio 
welcome back! oh the joys of parenthood. as you find your way out of the tunnel (metaphorically to their literally), I have found that the road is pockmarked with raisons d’etre where, don’t get me wrong, life without kids is life in itself but it’s hard to describe that singularity you feel when you hold your baby. My first tangible waypoint in our journey was the first moment when your baby looks at you, really looks at you, and recognizes you and feels happy you are there (and it’s not just gas). I found this to be about the 6 month mark. This is the first time when we both spoke to each other and talked in its purest sense.
now that my boys are 12 and 8, focus is about independence and being a kid. Not the bubble wrapped, pro-litigious, crap you see on tv that makes “good news.” Read “The Gift of Failure” by Jessica Lahey. it’s a good way to empower your kids to look at the world like trailblazers.
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