Numbing ourselves

Posted by random olio

I have had those times in my life where I knew I was doing too much, and yet I did not know how to step off the fast-moving train. It often runs through my mind that sometimes being on a fast-moving train means that it is easier (or there is no time) to focus on the pain that we might be holding in life. The thought often crosses my mind — do I stay focused in order to ignore what is painful?

In the book, Rising Strong, Brene Brown discusses what we do to numb the pain in our life.

“We do that by numbing the pain with whatever provides the quickest relief. We can take the edge off emotional pain with a whole bunch of stuff, including alcohol, drugs, food, sex, relationships, money, work, caretaking, gambling, affairs, religion, chaos, shopping, planning, perfectionism, constant change, and the Internet.

And just so we don’t miss it in this long list of all the ways we can numb ourselves, there’s always staying busy: living so hard and fast that the truths of our lives can’t catch up with us. We fill every ounce of white space with something so there’s no room or time for emotion to make itself known.” Page 63

This does not mean the pain has to be gut wrenching. It might just be a dull ache, but we all have a past and often we believe we were left short-changed. Even those that might have had the dream family, childhood, and everything they ever wanted had pain in their life.

The idea comes and goes in my life — am I living so hard and fast, that my past cannot catch up to me? I have been an orphan for 15 years, and there are days when I forget what it is like to have parents. What would it be like to have my mom experience me throughout my pregnancy? What would it be like if she could share what I was like in the womb? Did I kick a lot? How big of a baby was I? What was I like when I was born? That is my reality, but there are times when I would rather get on the fast-moving train, stay busy, and not think about the hard stuff.

You are so much more than that…

Posted by random olio

Oh man, sometimes you read something and it is a home run. You wonder how did the author or poet put the words together in a way that makes you feel like each word choice is perfect. It speaks to you in ways you have not been spoken to before that moment.

Thank you, Emily Parkinson Perry – for your post and introducing me to Rupi Kaur. I now want to read Kaur’s book “milk and honey.” This poem shared on Perry’s blog makes me think about all the times I might have told a little girl how pretty she was, or how I liked her dress. Or, to the adult women who I might have envied.

I want to apologize to all the women
I have called pretty;
before I have called them intelligent or brave.
I am sorry that I made it sound as though something as simple as what you were born with is the most you have to be proud of…
when your spirit has crushed mountains.
From now on, I will say things like, ‘you are resilient, or ‘you are extraordinary.’
Not because I don’t think that you are pretty,
but because you are so much more than that.

–Rupi Kaur

We are so much more than our bodies, our face, or our ass. We keep our families going, our work world alive, and have the adventure and drive to make sure all the pieces of the puzzle fit together into the masterpiece called life. I only want to be seen in a meeting for what I bring to the table, not the size of my waist or the shirt on my back. I want to be seen for me.

We are so much more. We are so much more. We are so much more.

Boy + Dog + Dad = Thrilled

Posted by random olio

There is a lot of my childhood I do not remember. Since my parents are no longer around it is hard to know what I was truly like as a baby, toddler, or even as I got older. Was I quiet, or sassy? Did I talk a lot? What was I like with my parents? Did I like to cuddle? I think about all of these things as I begin to think about the little boy who is going to join our family in around 10 weeks.

I have no idea if I got excited to see my parents when they came home from being away. I do remember we had three large picture windows in our front room (filled with plants) but still giving me access to look out the window at the trash truck, or my dad’s pickup truck arriving home. This video I found recently brought a huge smile to my face. While my house is not designed for a visible window/door to the driveway/garage, I hope regardless my son gets just as excited to see me.

Such a greeting would make your day, right?

Random Recipe: Pumpkin Pie Spice Snickerdoodles

Posted by random olio

Growing up there were a few recipes my mom made in circulation — that is when we actually had sweets. Usually Snickerdoodles was one of those on the list. I do not make them often because Chris is not a big fan of them and I end up throwing them out because I cannot keep up with eating them all. This time I found one that had pumpkin in it – and he was willing to try them.

They are fluffy (they better be with all the flour in them) – and chewy. The recipe we used growing up you would smash the ball with the bottom of a glass before baking which made them almost crunchy. The below recipe is worth making. They are soft and chewy with a bit of a bite too them, which is most likely all the pumpkin pie spice.

Pumpkin Pie Spice Snickerdoodles [Recipe found from “Lovin Life at the End of the Dirt Road.”]

Ingredients

1 cup butter, room temperature
1 cup light brown sugar
1/2 cup granulated sugar
2 eggs plus 1 yolk
2 tsp vanilla
3 tsp Pumpkin Pie Spice
1 tsp baking powder
3/4 tsp salt
3 cups flour

Coating

1/4 cup light brown sugar
1 1/2 tsp Pumpkin Pie Spice

How to Make

Preheat oven to 375°
In bowl of stand mixer cream butter and both sugars together for 2 minutes until light and fluffy.
Add in both egg and additional yolk into butter along with vanilla and beat until smooth, scraping the sides as necessary.
Mix in Pumpkin Pie Spice, baking powder and salt until combined.
Reduce speed on mixer to low and mix in flour until dough comes together.
Chill dough for at least an hour.
When ready to bake, line baking sheet with parchment paper and preheat oven to 375°
Mix coating ingredients (light brown sugar and pumpkin pie spice) together in a bowl, set aside.
Roll dough into large balls, about 1 1/2 inches in diameter and then roll into the sugar/pumpkin pie spice mixture, coating completely.
Bake for 9-11 minutes until cookies are lightly browned on the bottom. Remove from oven and transfer to wire rack to cool.

Daisy Duke was a badass

Posted by random olio

On Sunday while walking in downtown Portland, I heard the theme song for the General Lee from the Dukes of Hazzard. As I looked down the cross street at the intersection I was in, I see the actual General Lee (or a replica) driving fast down the street, blaring the horn. It brought back memories from my childhood. See, some might say I was a deprived child, and some might say it was a blessing in disguise. I grew up without a functioning television set in our house.

What did that mean for me? I absorbed television at friend’s houses and when I spent time with my grandma. Those were the days of Nick at Nite, and the constant circulation of reruns. One of my favorite shows with the Dukes of Hazzard. Of course I watched plenty of Love Boat, I Love Lucy, Three’s Company, and more current versions of my childhood Full House, Perfect Strangers, and Family Matters. It was the 80’s.

With all the recent talk about the Confederate flag, I heard that the owners of the actual General Lee may paint over the Confederate flag. Why? I am not saying I support the Confederate flag or what it stands for, but the General Lee is a car with the flag from a television show from 1979-1985. It is a moment of time in the history of television. In any case, I digress. What I really wanted to talk about was Daisy Duke. I adored her. While she tended to be the only “known” woman on the show (none of the other women that were young had reoccurring roles), somehow I wanted to be Daisy. What little girl did not? Scary as it might be the “look” of Daisy Duke is not that much different from “models” today.

While I have nothing near the body of Daisy Duke, the one thing I loved about her — no one pushed her around. Sure, half the men were speechless in front of her, but those that could hold their own usually ended up with a kick in the ass by one of her heels. Maybe that is why I liked her so much. I can remember one year (I think I was in third grade), Daisy Duke was going to be at our mall and I got a photograph of her signed. I was so excited — I thought I had met my own version of Wonder Woman. I wonder whatever happened to that signed photo of Daisy Duke?