Are You A Sponge?

Posted by random olio

Are you a sponge? Do you feed off of the energy of those around you? I love this Daily Om from a few weeks ago called: “Centered and Safe.” It resonates with me because I find that when I am not balanced or listening to my inner voice, I can easily become a sponge to other’s moods, complaints, or joy. The good part is when I am a sponge for joy. The not fun part is when it is the opposite. You know when you are grumpy and someone else’s happiness kicks your mood’s butt? Those are the good perks of being a sponge. What is bad is when you can be in a great place, and someone’s poopy attitude sways you to become grumpy and frustrated.

I have worked hard over the past few months to be clear on when my moods are affected by those I am surrounded by on a daily basis. Do I feel frazzled and stressed out because those around me do? Can I leave the mood of others behind by finding the good in a bad or not fun situation? Another way to think about it is what the Daily Om calls being sensitive. I think “being sensitive” gets a bad rap. Many times the word “sensitive” has a negative connotation of being weak or easily influenced. I do not think of the word sensitive in that way. Dictionary.com lists “sensitive” as:

sen·si·tive [sen-si-tiv] adjective

1. endowed with sensation; having perception through the senses.

2. readily or excessively affected by external agencies or influences.

3. having acute mental or emotional sensibility; aware of and responsive to the feelings of others.

4. easily pained, annoyed, etc.

5. pertaining to or connected with the senses or sensation.

#3 is what resonates with me. So, the better balanced an individual is with their own selves, the easier it is to accommodate their own sensitive nature. In a good way. So if you are a sponge, you have a choice of how much of another’s moods you let into your experience. Are you aware of what you are absorbing?

You might also find Tuesday’s Daily Om resonates with you. It is called: “Let it Roll Off Our Back.” It is a good reminder to let things go and not get too caught up in someone else’s negative energy.

I am going to be on watch for when I need to squeeze out the junk from my sponge and when I need to keep absorbing the good!

Scam Notification – US Airlines

Posted by random olio

Just got this scam notification in the mail from US Airlines. I am so sick of junk mail that looks slightly legitimate only to find it is a scam. The front looks like they are tax/government documents. It is not in an envelope, but has those edges that you tear off on three sides. Here is what the front looks like, and below that is what it says on the inside:

front of US Airline notice

PLEASE READ ENTIRE DOCUMENT CAREFULLY–

“Dear XXXXXX,

Enclosed is your airline ticket voucher. This voucher is good for a certificate for 2 round trip airline tickets to anywhere in the continental US from any major international US airport.

This voucher must be certified to be valid.

We have been tasked with notifying you of this award. We have attempted contacting you several times. Note that this aware must be claimed by July 3rd, 2012.

If you do not claim your award, it will be transferred to the alternate. This is a limited time offer and can be withdrawn at any time. Flights fill quickly.

This will be your last chance to respond.

Please reference your claim number xx-xxxx.

Note: This is not a timeshare or land sales offer.

Sincerely,

Awards Department

As with the Mortgage Auditing Consumer Services letter we received, and that I wrote about a few months ago, this is just another way to scam people. I still fear that those that are most effected are the elderly. Plus I think what is additionally confusing is that in the top left it says “US Airlines” – which I think makes people think of “US Airways” or “United Airlines” which makes it seem more legitimate. US Airlines is not an airline, it does not exist.

Please companies, stop the junk mail, stop the scams. Can we just get back to honesty and integrity? Why do we have to work so hard these days to determine if what we receive (paper mail or email) is legitimate?

We Do Things Our Own Way

Posted by random olio

It was not love at first sight. When my husband and I first met we did not like each other. I thought Chris was too nice, and I did not trust a man who was so nice. In my experience, men had not been good to me, so a man who was so nice had to be hiding something. I was also not in the greatest ‘man loving’ space in my life at the time, so Chris did not think of me as such a nice woman. Interesting what view we had of each other, and it definitely is a good reminder that you should never judge a book by its cover. After working together for over a year, through many 16 hour days, I left my job. When I did, I realized that what I missed most was Chris. Funny how what you find you liked least is what you miss the most.

on our wedding day

That was over ten years ago. Today we celebrate nine years of marriage. I can hardly believe it. We are each other’s champion, greatest advocate, and many times hardest critic. You might ask why we are each other’s hardest critic. It is because by our union in marriage, our living our life together, we hope to make the world a better place. Sometimes that means saying the hard things. It means telling the other that how they handled a situation was not their finest moment, that they can do better, push harder, ask for more, take a stronger stand. It makes us better individuals, better citizens, and a stronger couple.

If you were to ask me what encapsulates my marriage. I would answer: we do things are own way. We entered our marriage on our own terms in the way we wanted. We did not succumb to other’s opinions of how we should get married. Our wedding was solely about the moments when we made a vow to each other. A vow that has a foundation on trust, love, honesty, and integrity. Some may not have liked the choices we made, and other still may not like the choices we continue to make, but they are ours to make.

Our hope is that if we speak out to make a situation better for those that come after us, that together we are a strong bond that trickles or pours that goodness into the rest of the world. We are rich by the strength of our bond, by our love, our independence, our determination, and our deep love for each other.

Thank you, Chris, for nine wonderful years, and for doing it our way together.

Do You Feel Heard?

Posted by random olio

Growing up my dad would often say: “Children should be seen and not heard.” Usually it was when he was grumpy, upset, or angry, but it made a mark on me. I think for many, many years I found it hard to speak up and say what was on my mind. I think in my head, I had replaced “children” with “women.” I saw many boys and men speak their minds and they were listened to, but when I would try to speak up, I felt timid and like my ideas would not be meaningful or have value. So I kept quiet.

Jump from childhood to the middle of college. I was a Sociology major, taking classes on race, class, and gender. I was learning I had a voice. I had shaved my head, I was starting to talk, and it was as though a pipe had burst. I had found my voice. It had only taken me 10-15 years!! I have vowed (thank you Chris for going along with me on this one) that my children will be heard. I will watch that if I have a little girl, that I will hear her just as if I have a little boy. I want my children to be proud of what they have to say, to be bold, and to feel that even if others disagree, that they should still speak their mind.

Sometimes we have those days when we do not feel heard or understood by others. One of my pet peeves is when you are talking to someone and you can tell they are not listening. So when I read the Daily Om from May 24, 2012 I appreciated thinking about the relationships in my life where I feel listened to and understood (unlike as a kid). I specifically like this line:

“When we are in a relationship where we feel listened to and understood, we count ourselves lucky because we know how rare that experience is.”

As I mentioned earlier, it took me many years to be able to stand up for myself and communicate to those close to me how important their presence of active listening meant to me. In my mind, active listening and communication is a form of love. It says I care enough about you that I will be present in this moment and listen to what you have to say and hear what you might need right now.

Fast forward to 2012. I now speak my mind freely, at times possibly too freely. I know I have a voice. I know it matters. I know it should be heard. Is there someone in your life you are not listening to? Someone that needs so earnestly to be heard? Have you taken the time out to listen to them?

A good reminder for us all.

“Homesick For A Place That Never Existed?”

Posted by random olio

“Have you ever been homesick for someplace that doesn’t actually exist anymore? Someplace that exists only in your mind?” page 103

A quote from the book: “Let’s Pretend This Never Happened” by Jenny Lawson. A memoir about her life, at times hilarious, blunt, and sassy. The above quote makes me think of what I often feel. Do you ever go over old memories in your head, sometimes over and over again to see if you still remember the smallest details? I think about things from my childhood that make me nostalgic. Things that made me happy as a kid. Was it my mom’s chocolate chess pie that I LOVED and no longer have the recipe for, but have NEVER been able to recreate. Or, remembering times when we would somehow end up on my parents king size bed laughing and tickling each other. Did that really happen? I know it did, but with so much time that has passed I often wonder, was there one time when that happened, or was it many times that created my memory?

We all have a part of us that sugar coats the bad aspects of life. Often over time we forget the bad parts. The ones that made us cry, or feel horrible about ourselves, or alone. There are times when I make a nice creme brulee shell over the painful parts of my childhood, and others show the raw memories of abuse and abandonment. Which is why I related so much to what Jenny says here:

“He quietly said (as if to himself) that the memories of the places we’d been before were always more golden-tinted in retrospect than they had ever been at the time, and I nodded, surprised that he’d known more than he’d let on. He was right, but I didn’t know if that made it better or worse. Was it worse to be homesick for a time that was once home, but now lived only in your own mind … or to be homesick for a place that never really existed at all?” 103-104

I think my homesickness comes as a picture of what I dreamed a family and home life could have been. When I miss my parents and my family together, it is more from telling myself what it would be like to still have parents that are alive. Parents that I can call up when I am having a hard day, or when I needs some words of advice. Honestly though, my parents were never really those kinds of parents. Maybe I feel that way because they passed on when I was so young, that I had to move on with my life without having them fill the roles of advice giver, supporter, and nurturer. In the end, my imagination of what my relationship could have been if they were alive is what makes me homesick.

Does that mean I am “homesick for a place that never really existed at all?”