Zoomed In = Greater Intimacy

Posted by random olio

Yesterday I woke up after a strange dream and had many thoughts instantly come into my head that had nothing to do with my dream. What a strange way to wake up on a Sunday morning. The following is what came into my thought. Good thing I have a pen and pad of paper next to my bed…

There never seems to be enough time in the day to accomplish all that needs to get done. There are usually too many lenses to look through, and too many things to focus on. Often we are juggling too many things and it means we cannot focus well on any of them. The same goes for people in our lives. I am a fan of having fewer close friends, than many non-close acquaintances. The more individuals we have to devote our attention to, the less depth we can give to others.

It is like being at a large party or a big wedding. How many times have you been to a wedding, and never really had the opportunity to connect with the bride or groom? Was it because of the large volume of people the bride/groom have to attend to on their wedding day? Did you feel more like just another body attending the event? Many times at large events, the more individuals that are involved, the less intimacy and connection happens.

Depth is lost by more numbers.

Just like when you take a photo of a large group of people, you cannot zoom closer in with the lens to include everyone, you have to go further away. I crave smaller, closer connections. I would rather zoom in than out, and allow for greater connection and intimacy.

Thoughts on my random morning wake up brain dump?

Banned: Texting while walking

Posted by random olio

I keep meaning to write about texting. It came to me the other day – just a random thought while working – that kids today probably do not pass notes, they text during class. Someone told me that phones are not allowed in classrooms, but I know that most school kids know how to text without even looking at the phone screen or keyboard. So I imagine it is happening under desks and in pockets. Gosh, how that makes me feel old. The art and design of letters, color, drawings, and fold of the paper is lost. Now, the passed note is replaced with: “ROTFLMAO” – for those of you that need a translation: “Rolling on the floor laughing my ass off.” We have turned plain English words into acronyms. Why? Is it because it is easier? We are lazy? Who knows! I just hope that those who grew up sending 1000 text messages a day are still able to formulate real sentences.

Which is why I find the story about a town in New Jersey bizarre. Individuals walking in Fort Lee, New Jersey will have to stop to text, following the passage of a law that imposes $85 fines on walkers caught texting. I am not against a city putting such a ban in place. I just am fascinated that it is what was needed for those with texting addictions. What does that say about how engaged we are with our phones, apps, emails, and texts that we cannot even watch to ensure that we can make it safely across the street. What is interesting is that the ban is connected to texting, but really a person could be watching a YouTube video, playing Scrabble, updating Facebook all while walking. We are so connected to the Inter-world, that we cannot seem to disconnect in the outer world.

Be sure to look at the end of this Huffington Post article that has quite a few videos of individuals texting (we assume they are texting, maybe they just saw something funny on Facebook) while walking and what happens to them.

Do not even get me started on texting and driving. So I guess I will leave you by saying: *”SSEWBA”

Enjoy your day – and keep your head up!

*Someday Soon, Everything Will Be Acronyms

Do You Listen 100%?

Posted by random olio

A few months ago I came across “You Learn by Living” by Eleanor Roosevelt. I wish I had read it many years ago. She inspired me more than any other first lady. One idea (of the many I wrote down) was about listening. I feel that over the past few years we as a society have become horrible listeners. There are too many other things happening around us. Our phone is ringing, we are getting a text message, sending an email, or in the middle of a level of Angry Birds. We multi-task. I myself am just as much to blame. I am a hard-core multi-tasker. I of course feel like I do an amazing job at it, but do I really? I feel like I do, but I often wonder if I am just trying to make myself feel better about all that I am trying to do at once. This is what she says about listening:

“If such a search is to be successful, however, you will need two qualities which you can develop by practice. One is the ability to be a good listener. The other is the imaginative ability to put yourself in the other person’s place; to try to discover what he is thinking and feeling; to understand as far as you can the background from which he came, the soil out of which his roots have grown, the customs and beliefs and ideas which have shaped his thinking.” P. 136

Three short sentences that are jam-packed with ideas. Do you have an “imaginative ability to be a good listener?” To me that means going to extremes to make sure that the person you are engaged with knows you are listening, and that…you ACTUALLY are. What if you tried that for one week? What if you made sure that every conversation and interaction you had, you were focused 100%? I would like to try that over the next week and see if I can tell the difference in how I connect with others. Do I feel I understand them more, retained more information, and better executed on my part of the conversation? Did I tell someone I would follow through on something?

I also love where she says: “the imaginative ability to put yourself in the other person’s place; to discover what he is thinking and feeling” – it is something I try to do. See, I love learning about people. You could say people fascinate me. I always have the thought in my mind: “put yourself in their shoes.” I think it helps to relate to others who might be different from you, that might even have an opposite upbringing and life experience. I think it gives a person empathy when interacting with others.

So, are you with me? Do you want to try to listen 100% over the next week?

Are Women Paid Fairly?

Posted by random olio

I am a bit cranky about this…yesterday I was reading the Daily Worth newsletter. Often I scan through their emails quickly and move on, but this time I read it entirely. It was about a bill that is being voted in on Congress today on the Paycheck Fairness Act. I wonder if this Act is going to pass, I want it to, but many news articles mention that it is not going to pass. How is that possible?

I am appalled. Come on folks it is 2012 and women STILL have to fight to have equal wages. Seriously? What a joke. Just like this Daily Worth poll, I had no idea that this Act was even up for vote. If we knew, would more women back and fight it? Yes, I think so. Why do we even have to fight this? If we are truly all created equal, why do we need to fight for workplace equality? Does it mean men add something to the job that women are not capable of doing? The last time I checked the only thing a man could do better was pee standing up. Was there something else I was missing?

As you can tell I am seriously appalled that Congress has to even waste time on this – it should have been passed years ago. It makes me question all the other things that might still be unequal for women. Are women still looked at as not strong enough? What other biases exist about women that still need to be expunged?

I need help with this, I am really struggling to see the bigger picture of why this is even a conversation. Thoughts?

I Was a Biter

Posted by random olio

My mom used to have a day care in our home. Mind you this was the early 1980’s and there were not state regulations for day care centers in your home. For the most part I think everything my mom did was fine. I do remember an area in our house where there were rocks for decoration. I do not know why my parents left the rocks there, you would think that would be crack for the babies she took care of, but it must not have been an issue.

I was the issue. I would go to school and come home to babies sleeping in my room, and lots of kids playing with my toys, AND my mom was not mine. Well, she was my mom, but she was mine to share during day care hours. A recap in case that was not clear to you. I had to share my bedroom (even if I already shared it with my sister), my toys, and my mom. It drove me crazy. So did one of the kids my mom watched.

I wish I could remember her name. What I do remember was two distinct memories of her. She would taunt me and tell me that her boyfriend was Michael Jackson. I was naive enough to believe her. She would tell me that Michael was going to come pick her up at the end of the day, and yes I believed her. Not that I ever was interested in dating Michael Jackson, it was the idea that she knew him, (or I believed she did). The second thing that pushed me over the edge (if sharing so much was already not enough), it was that she had butterscotch disks and she would not share them with me. Now to preface this, we only got treats and candy at my grandma’s house, so if someone brought candy to my house and did not share, well that was too much for me.

As you might have guessed by the title of this blog, I took the problem into my own hands. I bit her. I, the daughter of the day care owner, bit one of the kids. I got into so much trouble, not with my mom, but with my dad. You did not want to get in trouble with my dad. It sucked. Nothing changed after my teeth did their thing. I got into trouble, and well the girl, she kept babbling about Michael Jackson and bringing those butterscotch disks to my house. I had to stay away from her, she made me so mad. In hindsight, I can see now what strength and resilience I had (remember I was sharing my toys, bedroom, and mom – she could not even share a butterscotch disk from her stash). I do think she is the one that turned me into a biter though. I have to say I understand kids that bite a bit more.

The moral of the story. If you are going to have kids and a day care in your home, make sure your kids have a space of their own and a few toys that they do not have to share!