Start young: play money, toy cash register

Posted by random olio

As more and more people around me have babies it makes me think about kids more and more. There are so many things to think about: car seats, cribs, bassinets, strollers, names, kinds of diapers, bottles, the list goes on. As they get a bit older the list shifts a bit to other very important ideals that a couple should, for the most part, agree upon in how they want to raise their kids.

When I recently came across this article on how to teach your kids about money it made me think, wow everyone should be starting very early in how they want to approach money with their kids. I was talking to a colleague just the other day. Yes, I can tell you this now, and it is possible that I have no idea what I am talking about! We were discussing how expensive it is to raise a kid these days, let alone thinking about paying for them to go to college. I paid my own way through college. I was in a work/study program, and I worked outside of that too. My parents could not afford to pay for college for any of their three kids. While it would have definitely been nice to have it paid for, it taught me a lot about money, about growing up, and about taking responsibility for my decisions. I probably would not have worked as hard to learn if I was not paying for it.

Now that does not mean that I will not help my future kid(s) out with college, but I want to do it in a way that helps them grow, learn, and understand what their decisions mean financially. Too often, I think parents write a check and walk away, and that does not help their kids learn about life. The above article starts with ages 2-5 on how you can use play money and play “store” together. Oh how I remember the plastic cash register I had when I was little. I loved watching the coins come down the side like it used to at the grocery store. Toy cash registers today I believe have scanners and credit card swipers. Oh well. Parents could still teach the value of money, and include a bit about how someone has to pay for what is put on that credit card.

Start young. Whenever we begin having kids I know I will start young too. I think conversations about wants, needs, and money help kids know and appreciate all that they have in the world. It does not have to be in a way of shame, but from a place of abundance and gratitude.

“I have been taught to filter.”

Posted by random olio

My father always said that children were to be seen and not heard. I think of it often when I have a hard time finding my words. I think of it when I am angry and pissed and I struggle to keep my emotions in check, because when I am mad it is harder to use my words. I was not taught to use them. Since I knew to keep my mouth shut, I learned how to filter. If I ever made a bad choice, and got into trouble, then the potential punishment was in the form of his wooden fraternity paddle. That thing scared me. As did my dad’s disappointment.

I began to read voraciously when I was very young, and I started writing and illustrating my own stories too. Sometimes I wrote to get out of my world. Now I write to make sense of my world, to put the puzzle pieces together and try to understand it all. The thoughts and opinions I have of myself and how I perceive each situation. Did I handle it well? Did I react confidently and with poise? Or, did I go overboard and lose my cool? I remember a few classmates in college that impressed me with their writing ability. I can remember someone in particular that was able to put pen to paper about womanhood in the rawest of forms, and I never felt I could write like that.

So when I saw “Shrinking Women” it reminded me of my days studying Sociology, Women’s Studies, and Women’s Writing in college. While I was intensely into my studies, and at times felt like a hard-core feminist, I could never write poetry. I actually even had a hard time following poetry in general. Unless it was short and sweet, I was usually not interested. Lily Meyers, who wrote, “Shrinking Women” kept me listening. Maybe it is because I relate to her story. She won Best Love Poem at the 2013 College Unions Poetry Slam Invitational last April, and is a 2015 future graduate of Wesleyan University (Middletown, CT).

Here are a few lines that stood out to me:

“My brother never thinks before he speaks. I have been taught to filter…You have been taught to grow out. I have been taught to grow in…I learned to absorb…That’s why women in my family have been shrinking for decades…How much space she deserves to occupy…I asked five questions in genetics class today and all of them started with the word: sorry.”

Lily will make you think about how women view their body and their space, and how your actions might make your sister, friend, daughter, or niece view their body and space. It gets good at around 1:25 minutes. Maybe her passion, youth, and talent will make other women get rid of their filters. Enjoy.

Sliding Door Moments

Posted by random olio

One of my favorite movies is Sliding Doors. When I first saw it I had short hair so I was completely into Gwyneth Paltrow’s short hair style. Yes, that was just the icing. Really I was engulfed in the story that the closing of a train door could completely change your life. You could miss that closing door, and it meant potentially not finding out that your boyfriend was cheating on you. (A story line in the movie).

I think of Sliding Doors often in my day-to-day life. Will this decision impact that decision? Will I regret it later? There have been many of those moments in my life. Taking a specific job, moving across the country, almost every decision we make could be a Sliding Door moment. Even some negative experiences we have can be Sliding Door moments, all based on how we react or respond to the situation.

I have one that I will not forget. I am not going to go into the details of the bad experience, but one night almost 12 years ago, a Sliding Door moment changed my life. I do not know if I would be sitting here writing this with Chris sitting ten feet away from me. That moment meant that instead of doing whatever I would have done that night, I was with Chris, and the conversation, love and support I received from him shifted something inside me and I was never the same again. One door shut and another was opened. I am not sure I would have seen the door open for me otherwise.

The rest is history.

If you have not seen the movie Sliding Doors, I encourage you to Red Box, Netflix, or borrow it from your local library. You will not be disappointed.

Listen up now

Posted by random olio

We all want to be and feel heard. Right? Is that so much to ask? If that is what you want, then I ask you, are you a good listener? How often do you truly listen? You know what I mean. The times when you are already thinking about what you want to say next. How often do you focus on the needs, words, and emotions of the other individual(s) in the conversation?

Listening. It is an idea that continues to loop in my thought. Whether it is that quiet voice inside my head that tells me to slow down and listen more, or the voice that wants me to scream to someone else: “Stop. Slow down and just listen to me!” We see it all the time. The mom that is going too fast and has too much happening that she forgets to really look into her child’s eyes and listen to what they have to say. Or the dad that has a child that never stops talking, do you think he sometimes stops listening? The co-worker, boss, or employee that like to talk, but do not return the favor and actively listen to you.

It is tough. You have to stop all the interconnected wires in your head, the questions you might need to ask, the tasks you might need to accomplish, and just be present for the other individual(s). When we do it, when we truly are present and actively listening the other individual knows it. They feel it, see it, and appreciate it. (Well we hope they do). It might not be obvious, but listening is a win-win situation. You learn more about others and yourself.

I had an ah-ha moment yesterday. During a conversation at work, I stopped my head from going fast and I really focused and listened. Instead of letting what was on my mind spew out of my mouth, I focused first. When I really listened I found good questions came to the surface. Questions that hopefully helped the person I was talking to get to the answers they needed. It is better to listen, engage, and ask questions, rather than listen and tell someone just what you think they should do. Let them figure it out for themselves.

My goal is to try to listen more each day. Even if it is one conversation, then two, then three a day. I know the moment I am present. I know when I am consciously listening. You will too. Try it, and let me know if you notice a difference.

Do Good, Be Good, and Kick Ass

Posted by random olio

My inspiration for this week was stolen. Yes, I stole it, from the back of a truck. It said: “Do Good, Be Good, and Kick Ass.” Of course I did what most smart phone loving individual does, I took a picture. What if that was your mantra in life?

We often think about being good, sometimes we talk about doing good, and I think when we know who we are we just want to kick ass. At least I always want to kick ass. I love that a company chose to advertise with this tagline and that it may very well inspire folks as they sit in traffic (as it did me). A win-win sales pitch.

I try to be good, but sometimes I get a little sassy, so I will work on that this week. Ah forget that. I would not even know how to start to take out the sass. Instead, I will just keep goodness in the forefront of my thought. I will try to lead with good in my interactions, and as a result my hope is that my actions will lead me down the path to do good. Now for kick ass. When you put 110% in all that you do whether that be work, family, marriage, friendships, two things happen. You fall right to sleep at the end of the day, because you are pooped, and 99% of the time you kick ass. Are you giving it all you’ve got?

So your inspiration for today, is to remember: “Do Good, Be Good, and Kick Ass.”