Family

Tell it like it is…

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I often think I do not do the best job of telling people in my life how important they are to me. We just had probably one of the most normal holidays of all holidays, Thanksgiving. While you might have stuffed your face with cornbread stuffing and other Turkey Day favorites, what did you do to tell someone else how important they are to you?

I did to one person, but I can sometimes be shy to tell others. I am never hold back to tell Chris what I am thinking, and Thanksgiving Day is no different. I adore him, and am ever so grateful that he is in my life. Yet, why is it that sometimes I let time go by without telling other family members and certain friends how I feel?

I recently read a few posts from someone I used to work with and am connected to on Facebook who had a childhood friend pass on from cancer. She did not know her friend had cancer. She was shocked and upset. You could read the pain through her posts. It got me thinking. How often do we tell those in our life, no matter how close they are to us, how important they are to us? If you have not recently, what is holding you back?

I am going to try to reach out to friends and family in the coming weeks and tell them how I feel and that they are important to me. Holidays can be full of fun and happiness for some, and challenging and depressing for others. December is a great month to reach out and connect with others. You never know what another individual might need until you reach out and express your appreciation and love to them. Here I go, will you join me?!

I hope you had a wonderful holiday, enjoyed time with friends and family, and are ready to get back to work. A happy week to you!

A letter from a friend to her mom…

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While some of you may be watching individuals get attacked at Best Buy, or waiting in long lines at your local mall, your patience might be wearing thin. I thought I would share a little humanity and love with you today. I have no interest to join in on any Black Friday sales, but I hope the story I share means you call your mother, or if you mom is no longer with you, whoever in your life you feel compelled to reach out to and tell them how much they mean to you.

When I read this I instantly had tears in my eyes. Actually they were running down my face. As someone who has lost my mom, I read the following letter and thought about my mom riding a bike again, and what it would be like to watch. But, I also had tears and a smile for Mindy and her mom. I’ve known Mindy for almost 20 years and I know many of the ups and downs she has had with her mom. Both with her own frustrations with her mom, and with her deep love for her. Mindy is not someone to ooze with bubbly ramblings about your place in her life. When she tells you what she thinks, you listen. This is her story to share:

“My Mom. A warrior. A breast cancer survivor. A woman who has been dealing with the debilitating disease MS (multiple sclerosis) for at least 15-20 years. She has been hospitalized 3x for an extended period of time within the last year. She walks with a walker, falls often, but always gets back up. She looks like a drunk person when she walks yet every step she takes is calculated and focused. A journey to get from one room to another. One foot in front of the other. Carefully. She repeats herself, forgets things often, or sometimes gets her facts mixed up. Maybe a result of the changing lesions on her brain and spine. I get frustrated with her. I am her primary care giver. Her only care giver. She has a string necklace she hangs on her neck with a plastic button that is her lifeline to 911 if she needs it.

But, with this frustration is a love I cannot verbalize. An admiration for an amazing women beyond words. She told me a few years ago it was her goal to be able to ride a bike again. I smiled. Normally, a very positive motivating person, but felt complete doubt and remorse for her. I didn’t believe her dream would ever come true. She worked with therapists. Tossing balls, balancing on her two feet, using elastic bands to build strength. But, I still never though the day would come. How in the world would she be able to balance on two wheels if she can’t even balance on two feet with a walker?

Mindy’s mom…

But, about 2 months ago mom made a purchase. She bought this bike. With three wheels. Ahhhh. Maybe her dream of riding a bike would come true. On occasion she would tell me she rode her bike that day. I secretly was worried, but would tell her how great that was. Yesterday. Yesterday she told me she rode 3 laps around her block. That is 1.5 miles! My mom. A warrior. A bike rider. I tried to capture in this photo the sense of shear freedom I see in her face when she rides her bike. I think my hand was shaking as I took the photo with complete awe. She has conquered the world. One pedal stroke at a time. Every second fighting for her life and freedom to be normal again. I never tell you this mom. But, I love you. Thank you for being my hero. Love, Mindy”

Oh, Mindy. What a wonderful mom, daughter, and friend you are each day. I appreciate and love you. You and your mom are both warriors. Bring it!

Gobble Gobble…

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I am a bit of a holiday downer. Not a complete Scrooge, but close. I have a hard time with Thanksgiving and Christmas, partly because I think we should be grateful everyday, and I think Christmas has lost its true meaning.

I have fond memories of the holidays when I was a kid. I remember the food at Thanksgiving, and my mom spending hours cooking. Pumpkin pie, turkey, mashed potatoes. We did not have any traditions like going for a walk, watching football, or inviting other families over. Mostly I remember the food, the smells, and often we might play a family game. I remember after we had our special meal and we helped clean up the kitchen we would go our separate ways for the rest of the day. I most likely hid in my room snuggled up with a book.

As I got older and things got rougher at home, Thanksgiving went from a meal with my family, to often not coming home from school, or having a strange meal with my sister and grandma. I remember one holiday (I cannot remember if it was Christmas or Thanksgiving) we had purchased ingredients to make a meal and my sister and I realized we were short a key ingredient, which meant it was not possible to make the dish. We went out to see if we can find a substitute only to find that the only store that was open was Village Pantry (a midwest version of 7 Eleven). The only thing they had that could make a meal was some older dusty cans of spaghetti sauce. So we had spaghetti that holiday.

Not having normal holidays has made me cynical about them. I have tried from year to year to create my own traditions, and some years it has worked and other years it just has felt exhausting. So this Thanksgiving rather than try to carve out a tradition or holiday expectation, or to force any excitement at all, I am going to ponder these words from Tony Robbins:

“Trade your expectation for appreciation and the world changes instantly.”

With no expectations (gosh that is so hard for me!) I am going to just think of what I truly am appreciative of and grateful for. During this week of Thanksgiving, I will honor all that has happened in 2012 and see all the change, triumph, and joy that has been brought into my life.

With gratitude to everyone that reads this post and random olio. May you have a yummy meal (sans spaghetti sauce) and a warm and love filled day on Thursday. Happy day of gratitude!

Extreme level of positivity…

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It has been a full week. In the end, news that might have been taken as bad news ended up being just the news I needed to hear. Which makes me grateful. It will allow me to breathe, stretch, and refocus. It is always funny to me when bad news can actually be good news. Just not always in the way we expect it.

This past weekend I had the opportunity to see a good friend that I had not seen in more than a year. We talk almost weekly, and I feel so privileged that she came to visit us in our new home. Her visit was an inspiration. She wanted to come out and help us pack and move and we were adamant that if she came to visit it was ONLY to hang out and play in Portland.

I wanted to share my admiration about my friend. She always looks at the glass on the table as FULL. Not half full. Not half empty. Always full. She is always positive. It is an inspiration, as I often can nit pick and find the crappy part of an experience. I like to pull things apart and try to better understand why individuals do certain things. In that process I sometimes get frustrated for why things have not been handled in a certain way. I quickly notice how things could be handled better. I see ways others could treat me or those around me better.

She sees the good regardless of the bad. That is not a quality I know of in many people. Her extreme level of positivity is contagious. It reminds me to take a step back and see things differently. The funny thing is that you might think: “extreme level of positivity” means that she is a Pollyanna. She is not. It is real and genuine. She truly sees so much good in others. She gives them the benefit of the doubt. She trusts more.

Thank you, dear friend. You are an inspiration to me. You always want to help and are not picky about how we spend time together. You are always so happy and content with your surroundings and yourself. I appreciate you and am grateful for what you bring to my life.

Happy Friday!

Adventurous, resilient, and one year older…

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It is my sister’s birthday. I do not write about her that often. More because I feel that other than those that have passed on, and then of course Chris, that I do not talk about or expose too much about those in my life that are close to me (friends or family). I want to respect their privacy.

yes…she let me join her and blow out “HER” candles…

I have lost most of my immediate family, except for my brother and sister. My sister and I have had our ups and downs in life. Times when she kept the family together and other times when I felt I kept us together. We have had our fights and struggles. My not so nice lash outs (I used to be a biter). Okay, and a clawer, and am still a bit of a yeller. My sister has taken it all in stride.

At different times she has been a mother to me, and a sister, and a best friend. We have not always seen eye-to-eye. We have not always been happy with each other. In the end though we have always been there for each other. Countless experiences in hospitals while nursing my mom, and then my grandma. Many moves and purging of my family belongings. Extremely boring and depressing holidays with no real family. Yet, we got through it — together. Our lives are better now then we probably could have imagined.

Sista. You are a strong woman who is not afraid to take risks. Loves fiercely. Likes adventure. Respects those that respect you. In the above picture, you’ll see that even on her birthday she shared with me.

Have a wonderfully, sunny, pampered day. I love you.