Feedback vs. applause

Posted by random olio

When you find something that resonates and sticks you have to share it right? This Seth Godin blog just hit the nail on the head. I have been struggling lately with the idea of individuals needing to feel good about the work they are doing in a way that touts them rather than truly looking at the core of the work and see where things were good and where things could be improved. We ALL can do better at what we do. Nothing is ever perfect and there is always room for improvement. Yet, why do folks so often just want to have others tell them they are good? Should our own pride for our work be enough validation?

I can also say that I am not always the best about providing applause. I am better at providing feedback. Maybe that is because I always see opportunities for growth. I have to agree with Seth, if all you are looking for is applause, then where is the growth? I included his full blog post titled: “The feedback you’ve been waiting for” here:

“You did a great job. This is exactly what I was hoping for. I wouldn’t change a thing. You completely nailed it, it’s fabulous. Of course, that’s not feedback, really. It’s applause. Applause is great. We all need more of it.

But if you want to improve, you should actively seek feedback. And that feedback, if it’s more than just carping, will be constructive. It will clearly and generously lay out ways you can more effectively delight your customers and create a remarkable experience that leads to ever more customers.

If you’re afraid of that feedback, it’s probably not going to arrive as often as you’d like it to. On the other hand, if you embrace it as the gift it can be, you may decide to go looking for it.

Empty criticism and snark does no one any good. But genuine, useful, insightful feedback is a priceless gift.

Applause is good too.”

Maybe we all need to start asking for feedback rather than applause? We all learn more about ourselves in the process. It is the deeper, real way to go. Do not be afraid of feedback, if you are open you will find just the answers you need.

Do Nothing When…

Posted by random olio

You know when you take a vacation day and you decide to go ahead and check your email, and then regret it for the rest of the day? You agonize over the annoying email you received. You get frustrated. You cannot stop thinking about it.

I found this amazing article last week called: “5 Ways to Do Nothing and Become More Productive” that I keep going back to as a reminder. Why is it so good? It is a reminder to do nothing. I know that may sound lazy, or maybe zen like. Actually what I took away from the article was not about productivity, and more about taking a stand for yourself, which may lead to do doing nothing. I might have titled it: “5 Ways to Do Nothing and Be Your Best You.” I am not going to go over all the points in the article, just the few:

“Doing nothing when you’re angry.” It is always best to take a walk and let some steam off instead of reacting and responding when you are pissed off. Taking that breather makes you a better person, but not really more productive.

“Do nothing when you’re anxious.” This is an interesting one. The author shares an example of someone telling you they need to talk to you about something, and oh yes it is Friday at 5 pm so you have to wait. I do not really think that your frustration to them telling you on your way out the door is anxiety, it just feels wrong. Not that I am perfect, but it does mean the other person could potentially think about it all weekend and wonder how the conversation will go. I would change this one to read: ‘Do nothing when you’re left in the dark.’ Just wait until you have all the information, then get angry, frustrated, or maybe it is good news. If so, then get happy.

“Do nothing when you want to be liked.” This one is a big one. We all do it. We do it for our spouses, family, friends, coworkers, bosses. What if we did what we wanted, or we did the right thing, but not because we will let our mom, friend, or boss down, or make them happy? What if we truly did not care what others thought, we listened to our gut, and responded in that way?

I loved the premise of the article, and I am inspired. This week I will be thinking about doing nothing when I am angry (well taking a breather), doing nothing when I am left in the dark, and letting go of being liked. Take a moment to read the article and see when you will do nothing…

Savor every conversation bite

Posted by random olio

I am always late. I could barely get out the door in the morning if Chris did not say: “I have your bag, phone, etc.” and “We need to leave in 5 minutes” in order to get to his or my first meeting. I do not remember always being late as a kid or even the first few years of my professional life. (Maybe someone from my past can tell me if they remember otherwise). I think I know why I am late for a few reasons. What I do not know is how to redirect myself so I am on time.

Feeling rushed for me in the morning is because there is always one more thing I can do. Respond to another email, or text, or just one more turn of Words with Friends. It might be because I feel uncomfortable and decide to change my outfit at the last possible minute, or I am having a bad hair day and it is taking just a bit longer to tame the mane. So you can see that there are a lot of competing priorities that make it challenging for me to leave the house!

I also have back-to-back meetings on many days of the week, and when one goes over it often creates a domino effect for the rest of my day. However, sometimes one meeting goes over because I am engrossed in a conversation with someone, I am focused on the issue at hand, and want to continue to listen. So does that make it bad for me to be late? Over the holiday I finished reading “Bittersweet” by Shauna Niequist, and while I jotted down quite a few quotes I would love to share, this one is so me:

“I want to really notice each meal, each bite, each conversation, instead of shoving food in my mouth, running out the door, promising someone we’ll connect again soon. I can always tell I’m on thin ice when my list of promises becomes way too long. I have so many intentions and plans, but I lose the ability to listen, to stay, to connect. I’ve been more ravenous and gluttonous than I’m proud of. Less is more is a great idea, but you wouldn’t know that from my calendar.” Page 168

I often have too much on my to-do list, eat lunch while working at my desk, and end up sucking the life out of my day. My first desire to is to be present with the other individual(s), listen to the topic, and find solutions or next steps, but as Niequist says are we really savoring each bite and each comment in our conversations? Is being late bad? Or do we need to shrink our to-do lists, do less and be more?

What do you think?

Witness. See. Appreciate.

Posted by random olio

It is only nine days into the year and the thought that was going through my mind yesterday is why is it so hard for us to stick to things? We spend so much time talking about New Year’s resolutions and how we are going to keep and honor them throughout the year, and why is it such an ongoing conversation from year to year? Do we not have the self-control, resilience, and tenacity to follow through on what we say we are going to do? Do we just get bored? Or do we not set up realistic expectations that are obtainable?

I have not been able to decide. There is a part of me that is already hard on myself for letting a few things slide in the last nine days, where I think “wow, great track record so far this year.” Yet, why are we so hard on ourselves? What is the big rat race that we are running so fast in? Where is it taking us? I know I often carve out too many items on my to-do list for each day and it feels great when I am able to accomplish what I set out to do each day, but is that what really matters? If we look back from year to year, will we remember what we cross off on our to-do lists, or will we remember the hearts we touch, the conversations we have, and all the things we learn? I hope it is the latter.

While I do not want to add another thing to my list, I loved taking moments to capture the good that was happening in my life (and of course for Chris too) in 2013. I mentioned a few blog posts ago, that I want to continue doing that for 2014. It was fun to sit down on New Years and pull each item out of our jar and remember things that happened early on in the year. A few made us laugh and think, “wow, that made the jar” and I am sure there were many we missed that should have been documented. In any case, I think what I would like to track and appreciate is what I learn each day, week, month. Maybe there is nothing for weeks, and maybe there is a lot. Who knows, but I believe if we are consciously watching and we think about tracking it, we start to see those learnings show up everywhere. All because we watch for it. I think that will make for an even better 2014.

Rather than berate myself for not sticking to things completely, why not try, learn in the process, and celebrate the good that does happen? We have so little control over so many things in our little worlds, what we can control is what we witness, see, and appreciate. Are you with me?

Happy 2nd Birthday random olio

Posted by random olio

Last year I forgot all about random olio’s 1st birthday, and yet here we are on random olio’s 2nd birthday. Life flew by before I could catch my breath and celebrate. This year I have been giving my blog a little love, and I have to say it has not been the terrible twos for me. I am still enjoying the challenge of writing and sharing each weekday. It keeps me on my toes.

If you have been reading random olio for the past two years, I applaud you for staying with me. I hope you have found comfort, laughter, and inspiration in each post. I am sure there might have been some that bored you, others that made you laugh or cry, and yet other posts that you thought wow, TMI. Just as I shared in “Unapologetically herself” my coworker brilliantly said my nickname should be TMI. They were right. I hope my words without filters inspire you to be bold, share what you think, and not worry about what other people think.

I write what inspires me, what comes pouring out of my fingers sometimes so fast I have no idea where I am going. Some posts could definitely be more polished than others, but that is all part of the process. What I find interesting is that on the days when I post a blog and head off to work thinking “no one is going to be interested in this topic” is usually a topic that spurs many comments, likes, and shares. We never truly know what is going to interest another person, tug at their heart-strings, and make them want to share with another.

I have learned so much these past two years: strategizing what I want to write about, connecting with others online, friends, family, and maybe not as important to you, but so important to me, I have learned so much about myself and others in the process of writing random olio. Guess what? I am not going anywhere. Hopefully I will keep inspiring you, making you laugh, and cry. Hey, pee your pants if you want to… I am not watching.

Thank you to each of you that have read one post, a few posts, or the 500+ posts that have happened over the last two years. Without your kind words, comments, and support, I would be writing online with no community.

Happy 2nd Birthday random olio!