Sympathy, Praise, and Approval

Posted by random olio

A good friend would often remind me in college to: “Never look to others for sympathy, praise, and approval.” I have never forgotten this and often remind myself of this when I feel a void of appreciation or approval from others.

The thing is, I can be a pleaser, and I hate it. I think it originated when I was a kid. Many times things in our house were chaotic, and I think in order to balance out the chaos, I wanted to make everything happy and calm. I think subconsciously I hoped that my parents would notice me if I was just good all the time. I am not sure that ever really worked. I do not think they had the time or space to think in that way, they were too busy trying to just put food on the table. What became problematic about that is that it never really left me. I have days where I hate that I am such a pleaser, and other days when I think it is fine to want to make others happy.

What is strange is deep down I am confident in myself, and I do not really care what other people think, however, there is a part of me that feels validated by the approval of others. Who does not feel grateful and appreciated by the feedback and approval from others?

So when I read this Daily Om this past week, it really resonated with me. Specifically this line:

“We were not honored as individuals in our own right, with a will and purpose of our own, to be determined by our own unfolding. As a result, we learned to look outside of ourselves for approval, support, and direction rather than look within.”

For the most part I think I look within for direction and approval in my life, but I would like to watch for when I might look to others for sympathy, praise, or support and shift my thought back to my own inner guidance and acceptance.

What do you think?

Ads and Blogger Awards

Posted by random olio

So I just learned that you might be seeing ads on my blog. (From what I can tell it happens when you click into the complete blog post.) In further researching, I found that I can remove it by paying WordPress a yearly fee, but I decided — forget that. Instead, I am going to self-host my blog and in turn have the ability to have many other options, widgets, and resources. Instead of just self-hosting my blog I have decided to also change the look and feel of Random Olio and get rid of those annoying ads.

Thanks to WordPress the ads just started appearing. No notification, I just found these details about these ads on their website. So far I have seen a few YouTube video ads and I have been told there has also been a pest control video too. Thank you for your patience and for ignoring these annoying ads until I can finish the upgrade to my site!

On a different note, I was nominated for the Lovely Blogger award, by: World on a Platter and for a 2nd time the Versatile Blogger award, this time by: The Usual Bliss. Thank you both for the nominations! I thought I would handle the response here in a combined post. So 5 more things about me (sorry I am breaking the rules, I am supposed to have 7 things, but I am trying to keep it short).

I do not cook. I do not really know how. After 5 summers of 4-H baking I would call myself a baker.
I am direct and sometimes have no sensor whatsoever.
I will stand up for those I love, so do mess with those dear to me.
I love babies. I do not have one of my own yet, but am addicted to precious little babies.
I am a sucker for anything with salt on it. Sorry sugar, you play 2nd fiddle.

I already nominated folks in this post, but will add a few more for the Lovely Blogger Award:

Roost

not without salt (such a clever name)

Paper Morning

Design Crush

Side of the Road Sessions (mentioned in older post, but the site is newly redesigned and launched!)

Thank you again for the nominations!

A Different Route, or the One you are On?

Posted by random olio

Happy Monday! How was your weekend? Hope you had a relaxing, sun-filled weekend. We had some sun and some rain. The rainy day was good as it meant I got caught up on other things.

I was thinking this weekend about how we often do not know what is happening next. We patiently wait for things to shift, to progress and move forward, but it usually never happens on our own timeframe. Maybe it is because the person we are supposed to meet has to be in a specific place in their life, or we cannot move to our next job until the person in that position moves on to their next role. We do not see this until we are able to look back. Hindsight.

Last week I mentioned the book: “Bright Side Up: 100 Ways to Be Happier Right Now” by Amy Spencer in the blog post: Make Room for Change. Amy says:

“When life sends you on a different route, it’s natural to wish things had happened as you planned. But maybe the route you’re on now is even better. Maybe the scenery is prettier on a side road, or you’ll learn things you couldn’t have on the busy highway. Maybe who you’re meeting and what you’re experiencing will ultimately bring you closer to true happiness.” Page 54

Sometimes we do not always know what good can come from following our intuition. Or, we do not completely understand why we have made the decisions we have, but as we move forward we see more clearly that it was the right decision. Over time, good things show up to us and we see more clearly the intuition we heard was directing us to take the right steps.

Have a good week!

An apple for the teacher?

Posted by random olio

I read this quote yesterday, only now I cannot remember where I found it.

“A teacher affects eternity; he can never tell where his influence stops.”

-Henry Adams

It inspired me. It made me think of my different teachers. Mrs. Murray for 4th and 5th grade. Mrs. MacDougal for Kindergarten, Dr. Pruis was second grade. I think I could list them all. Well at least my elementary school teachers. I guess there were also a few high school teachers that really had an impact. One in particular my senior year. I was going through a really hard time with some family issues and had a hard time focusing on school. My english teacher knew that things were not easy and instead of having me write a report on the book we were reading in class, she had me write about what I was going through. I would give anything to be able to read the report I turned in. I have always been grateful for her intuition to know that what I was going through was more important than writing about Shakespeare. Just one example of how I was affected by this teacher.

I had professors in college that changed the direction of my life. I remember my junior year of college very clearly. It was the year I remember finding my voice. I wrote a paper for a Sociology class. Somehow the topic was on “voice.” Which I know sounds a bit random, but in the way I was raised, we were not really encouraged to speak up and be direct. Through the research I did for my paper, I went through a process and realized how I kept so much inside. I was done with doing that and began speaking up and taking a stand for myself, and well…the rest is history.

Lastly, I think of all my different art teachers. They taught me to look beyond a blue sky and a house with a white picket fence. Somehow art became a coping mechanism for me growing up. I was never amazing at it, but I was not horrible either. Art made me feel like I could make it through tough times. It inspired me about the possibilities in life. I could lose myself while throwing a pot on the wheel, and if I was truly mentally centered, I could make a decent, balanced, aligned piece worth showing someone else. I was proud of my work. Art made me feel whole.

Thank you for all the teachers out there that affected my life and experience. Do you remember the teachers that changed your life?

Make room for change

Posted by random olio

Do you ever have a bad few days? Where something gets stuck in your mind like a bad rut and you cannot seem to get over it? Yesterday I was needing some inspiration so I went back to some ideas from a book that I finished a few weeks ago. The struggle I am having is with change and making the right choices. Sometimes we make choices we are not always sure or confident about and sometimes we make choices that we are confident about and then later question those choices. I remember an idea from “Bright Side Up: 100 Ways to Be Happier Right Now” by Amy Spencer that I wanted to share:

“People change, wants change, needs change. And like a closet with only enough room for a certain number of clothes, we have to let some things go to let the new things into our lives. Don’t let a defeat beat you. See it as a sign of new things to come. Light your lantern, raise the flame above your head, and say good-bye to your struggle of trying so hard to make something work. Feel as free as a lantern floating into the night sky, ready to land at the dawn of something new.” Page 89

So…inspired by these ideas I am looking for new things to come. To let certain things go, and let the new in. I am going to try to let go of the struggle, the anguish, the frustration, and be grateful for the experience, the knowledge, the context, and the clarity it has brought me. If we never have tried we never know what the other side of the fence looks like, and we always wonder.

What do you do to be inspired when you feel in a rut or have a bad day or week?