Ideas

Emotional decisions: Another cookie? New jeans?

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So I just found out that yesterday was National Chocolate Chip Cookie Day. I had no idea. I did not see any details about a national day when I did my research for this blog post about Chocolate Cookies being the default cookie. On Sunday, I made the cookie recipe found on this blog post. So my heart must have known that National Chocolate Chip Cookie Day was just around the corner.

I digress. Enough about cookies. It is, however, a great introduction on an idea I just read about called: “gorging on gratification.” The idea comes from the book: “The Behavior Gap: Simple Ways to Stop Doing Dumb Things with Money” by Carl Richards. It is a great book on money and life planning. Carl is a financial planner by trade, but he talks about money in conjunction with life issues. It is a thought-provoking book since money is so intertwined with the choices we make in life. How does this pertain to chocolate chip cookies? Instant gratification. This article from The New York Times discusses Carl’s term: “gorging on gratification” and gives four ways we can delay or stop immediate gratification and keep more of your money in your bank account. I also appreciated this quote from Carl’s book on emotional decisions:

“Money decisions are emotional decisions—and making good money decisions requires emotional clarity. So try to pay attention to your emotions around money. This can be as simple as considering how you feel when you get your monthly investment statement or when a medical bill arrives in the mail. Acknowledging those feelings and being aware of their potential impact on your decisions can be important, often in ways that aren’t clear right away. I’ve found myself asking some really fundamental questions during the last several years. Who I can trust? What’s really important to me? What do I really value? How much is enough? How should I really be spending my time?” page 93

So maybe those freshly baked chocolate chip cookies are not so far from your credit card statement. Maybe self-control with cookies is not that far from self-control with money. Is it hard to control how many cookies you eat, or are they too hard to pass up? How about after you have had 5? Do they still taste as good as that first one? How about that 10th pair of jeans? Do you need them? Or are they different from the others in your closet?

Emotional clarity. Maybe that is a quality we need in all facets in our life. It is something I am definitely going to explore further!

Rain, luggage, and Christmas lights

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Coincidences. I love when you share something with someone and they say they found that same idea at the same time you did. Last week I posted a blog about a Maya Angelou quote. I was telling a co-worker about the quote yesterday and she told me that she had just shared the same quote with a friend that day. Was it a coincidence or were we both meant to be inspired by this same quote? She then asked if I had read the full quote. Usually I research that sort of thing before writing a blog post, but at the time of writing Thursday’s post I decided I liked the simplicity of that quote just the way it was shared. The co-worker then shared the full quote with me. I was stunned. I knew immediately I had to be sure to share the full quote on my blog. Here is in its entirety:

“I’ve learned that no matter what happens, or how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow. I’ve learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights. I’ve learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents, you’ll miss them when they’re gone from your life. I’ve learned that making a “living” is not the same thing as making a “life.” I’ve learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance. I’ve learned that you shouldn’t go through life with a catcher’s mitt on both hands; you need to be able to throw something back. I’ve learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision. I’ve learned that even when I have pains, I don’t have to be one. I’ve learned that every day you should reach out and touch someone. People love a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back. I’ve learned that I still have a lot to learn. I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”
― Maya Angelou

Gosh how many times have you had those days when you feel like you cannot keep going. Whether it be a bad day at work, a day that started out on the wrong side of the bed and for some reason you cannot get over your grumpiness, or you get horrible news that you are not sure will ever have a happy ending. This quote is a great reminder that the day starts fresh when you wake up again, and that you do have a choice to be present each day. You do have a choice to connect with someone else. You do have a choice to share love. The most unselfish love there is, is not asking for anything in return.

What is great is that my co-worker is doing this right now for a friend. I have watched her share unconditional love with a friend in need without asking for anything in return.

How do you handle a “rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights?”

Serendipity: Freshly Pressed

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I am in awe and so grateful. I could never have imagined the serendipity of being Freshly Pressed. For those of you that might not know what that means, my blog post last Friday made it on the homepage of WordPress.com.

Freshly Pressed snapshot

It means a lot to me. I have had over 6,000 hits to my blog in the last 3 days. I am very grateful for all the individuals that liked and commented on my post. I have not had the opportunity to respond to many of the comments, but will be doing so in the coming days. Thank you to everyone who has been following my blog these past few months and the many, many more that are now following it.

Last December I was laid off. I had worked for the same company for over 11 years. It was a bit of a shock at first. After a few weeks of exploring my options I realized that after 11 years in corporate communications, I needed to spend more time on my own personal voice and brand. I have been writing for as long as I can remember. In elementary school, I was often selected for my class to participate in what was called the “Young Author’s Conference.” We had to write and illustrate our own story and make it into a book. I have not been successful in finding out if this program still exists in Indiana, but for me it was a prized event. After being selected for my grade in my school, I joined other kids at the conference where we listened to a known author (that I can remember) and then broke out into our age group and read our stories in front of our peers from other schools. It was a bit scary for me to read my story, but I definitely remember being proud to be selected.

In high school and college I did not write creatively other than whatever essays I had to do for school. Looking back I wish I would have had someone to encourage me to continue to write, as I often think it would have been good for me to take creative writing classes in college, and pursue more of those types of endeavors. I have been writing creatively off and on for the past 11 years, and increasingly so in the last 1-2 years. All in my journal, never shared with others.

Which leads me to today. My purpose for starting Random Olio was that I felt I needed a more personal portfolio of my writing abilities in addition to the experience I have had in the corporate sector. What I did not know is that I would fall in love with blogging each day. While I have always been considerably conscious of my surroundings, and have always watched the interactions of those around me, my eyes and ears are even more keenly aware. These days I will be running and an idea to write about will pop into my thought. Or I will be in the shower or walking to a meeting. There are so many opportunities for the creation and sharing of ideas as long as one is open to exploring them!

I had no idea when I started this blog over 4 months ago that I would want to keep it up after finding work. I do. I am here and I am not going anywhere.

Thank you again to everyone for sending such heartfelt support and love these past few days. It means a lot.

Cuddles, kisses, tickles, and hugs…

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Sunday is Mother’s Day. I always have a hard time thinking about Mother’s Day. Often I try to think about it like it was just another day. Other times I get more emotional. My mom passed on 18 years ago. It is hard for me to imagine what it would be like to talk to her now, and to spend Mother’s Day with her.

Recently I finished a novel called: “How to Eat a Cupcake” by Meg Donohue. Yes, it is what I call book porn or chick lit. I have to read it here and there between the intense memoirs and the business books. A book with cupcakes in the title, well yes I am curious. It was a good quick read, nothing too exciting and nothing to really write about, but this quote resonated with me:

“She was a wonderful mother. Of course, I never got a chance to know her as an adult, so my memory of her is probably kind of sentimental.”

I can relate. My mother died 2 months after my sixteenth birthday. It was a rough summer. I got my driver’s license that summer. Yes, I was one of those kids that got it after I turned 16. I remember the day I got my driver’s license and went to the hospital to visit my mom. She did not know who I was. There were times that summer when she was lucid, but they were few and far between. That was like a heavy boulder on my spirit. I wanted my mom to be proud of me — to be excited that I had met this milestone in my life. I did not know on that day that she would not be around to see other future milestones. My high school and college graduations. My wedding. Well, to be fair, no one saw my wedding…Chris and I got married just the two of us on a beach in Hawaii.

I wonder what she would have been like as a mother to my adult self. It is hard to imagine. My memory is as Meg says: sentimental. I often can only remember the 4 + years when she was sick before she died. I remember times here and there when I was younger. Like the cabbage patch doll she made for me and how horrible I was that Christmas morning when I told her it was not a cabbage patch doll because it did not have a plastic head! The horror she must have felt for such an ungrateful daughter. I grew up in the 80’s when brand names mattered. So did cabbage patch dolls, garbage pail kids, and the brand name on the butt of your jeans. We could not afford those name brand toys and clothes and my mother did her best to make them herself. While they, for the most part, did not look like their brand name counterparts, the hours and hours of late, late nights she stayed up to try to give us those things pierce my heart. Would I do the same today if I had kids? Maybe.

We were not a cuddly family (although the below picture may look cuddly). Sometimes I think my mom was so busy keeping our family together and food on the table that she did not see that sometimes we just needed to be held or told we were loved. That is something I will do differently with my kids. I want to spend time making sure they are loved, disregarding the wants and whims of fitting into the rest of life. I want to remember times when she would stop and dance with me, or play, or tickle me. But sadly…I do not. I remember how hard she worked for my family. That is the love I know she had for us. I believe it was her way of showing it, and her way of coping.

So thank you, mom, for working so hard for your family. I know l will cuddle, hug, kiss, and tickle my kids. Most likely to the point where they cannot stand me anymore. I will do this because I do not want them to ever feel like they were not loved in that deep, physical way.

Tami + Mom (May 1980)

Love you, Mom.

How you made them feel…

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Thank you to the folks at Delivering Happiness for designing a great inspiring image. They have created downloadable wallpaper with the following quote:

I love this idea. It resonates with me. I think we may vaguely remember what people say or do, but our feelings run deep and we usually ALWAYS remember how we felt. Regardless of whether that feeling is good or bad we remember. If it is the tone of words that were used that make you feel small, or the gratitude of the words that make you confident and appreciated, how you FEEL sticks.

It is a good reminder near the end of the week. How are you treating others? Do you show your appreciation for what they do for you, and how they make your life easier? Do you notice when someone is having a rough day and take the time to check in on them? Do you take your frustration out on others? This is my reminder to think about how I might make others feel. What is my intention? How does my tone come across to others?

Remember how your actions might make others feel!