Cheerleading, Wax, and Spiders

Posted by random olio

I have a confession to make. Yes, you may laugh as some folks do when I tell them. Okay, I will just come out and say it: “I was a cheerleader.” Gulp. I said it. Have you stopped reading? No, okay, good. Ready for the rest of the blog that might mention cheerleading?

I just finished reading “It’s Not About the Pom-Poms: How a 40-Year-Old Mom Became the NFL’s Oldest Cheerleader–and Found Hope, Joy, and Inspiration Along the Way” by Laura Vikmanis. At the age of forty, Laura is the oldest NFL cheerleader. When I first heard of her book, the idea intrigued me. How did she do it? How did she make the team, and how did her body handle it? You can find the answers and so much more in her book.

Laura went through a horrible and abusive marriage, and came out stronger, more independent, and in control of her life. It is a must read for anyone that might be in a tough marriage (she gives you a picture of how she made it through her divorce), as well as a view into NFL cheerleading. NFL cheerleading is definitely not as glamorous as it may look on the outside. AND – they make no money at all! Laura was a Cincinnati Bengals (called the Ben-Gals), and the pay was $75 a game. They only cheer at home games (about 10 a season) so that equals $750 a year. They do not get paid for the hours they practice (they spend more time in practice then the football players do). They are not paid for manicures, highlights, hair cuts, waxing, etc. yet they are expected to ALWAYS look perfect on and off-season. Wow. Is it really worth it?

While I did not make note of any specific quotes from her book, I did write down this quote in her section specific to body waxing. As said by Jerry Seinfeld:

“I will never be able to understand how a woman can take boiling hot wax, pour it on her upper thighs, rip the hair by the root, and still be afraid of a spider.” Page 124

I guess I am not that kind of woman because I can handle hot wax and spiders, although I know some men that cannot handle either. From my view of Laura I think she can too.

Do You Feel Heard?

Posted by random olio

Growing up my dad would often say: “Children should be seen and not heard.” Usually it was when he was grumpy, upset, or angry, but it made a mark on me. I think for many, many years I found it hard to speak up and say what was on my mind. I think in my head, I had replaced “children” with “women.” I saw many boys and men speak their minds and they were listened to, but when I would try to speak up, I felt timid and like my ideas would not be meaningful or have value. So I kept quiet.

Jump from childhood to the middle of college. I was a Sociology major, taking classes on race, class, and gender. I was learning I had a voice. I had shaved my head, I was starting to talk, and it was as though a pipe had burst. I had found my voice. It had only taken me 10-15 years!! I have vowed (thank you Chris for going along with me on this one) that my children will be heard. I will watch that if I have a little girl, that I will hear her just as if I have a little boy. I want my children to be proud of what they have to say, to be bold, and to feel that even if others disagree, that they should still speak their mind.

Sometimes we have those days when we do not feel heard or understood by others. One of my pet peeves is when you are talking to someone and you can tell they are not listening. So when I read the Daily Om from May 24, 2012 I appreciated thinking about the relationships in my life where I feel listened to and understood (unlike as a kid). I specifically like this line:

“When we are in a relationship where we feel listened to and understood, we count ourselves lucky because we know how rare that experience is.”

As I mentioned earlier, it took me many years to be able to stand up for myself and communicate to those close to me how important their presence of active listening meant to me. In my mind, active listening and communication is a form of love. It says I care enough about you that I will be present in this moment and listen to what you have to say and hear what you might need right now.

Fast forward to 2012. I now speak my mind freely, at times possibly too freely. I know I have a voice. I know it matters. I know it should be heard. Is there someone in your life you are not listening to? Someone that needs so earnestly to be heard? Have you taken the time out to listen to them?

A good reminder for us all.

“Homesick For A Place That Never Existed?”

Posted by random olio

“Have you ever been homesick for someplace that doesn’t actually exist anymore? Someplace that exists only in your mind?” page 103

A quote from the book: “Let’s Pretend This Never Happened” by Jenny Lawson. A memoir about her life, at times hilarious, blunt, and sassy. The above quote makes me think of what I often feel. Do you ever go over old memories in your head, sometimes over and over again to see if you still remember the smallest details? I think about things from my childhood that make me nostalgic. Things that made me happy as a kid. Was it my mom’s chocolate chess pie that I LOVED and no longer have the recipe for, but have NEVER been able to recreate. Or, remembering times when we would somehow end up on my parents king size bed laughing and tickling each other. Did that really happen? I know it did, but with so much time that has passed I often wonder, was there one time when that happened, or was it many times that created my memory?

We all have a part of us that sugar coats the bad aspects of life. Often over time we forget the bad parts. The ones that made us cry, or feel horrible about ourselves, or alone. There are times when I make a nice creme brulee shell over the painful parts of my childhood, and others show the raw memories of abuse and abandonment. Which is why I related so much to what Jenny says here:

“He quietly said (as if to himself) that the memories of the places we’d been before were always more golden-tinted in retrospect than they had ever been at the time, and I nodded, surprised that he’d known more than he’d let on. He was right, but I didn’t know if that made it better or worse. Was it worse to be homesick for a time that was once home, but now lived only in your own mind … or to be homesick for a place that never really existed at all?” 103-104

I think my homesickness comes as a picture of what I dreamed a family and home life could have been. When I miss my parents and my family together, it is more from telling myself what it would be like to still have parents that are alive. Parents that I can call up when I am having a hard day, or when I needs some words of advice. Honestly though, my parents were never really those kinds of parents. Maybe I feel that way because they passed on when I was so young, that I had to move on with my life without having them fill the roles of advice giver, supporter, and nurturer. In the end, my imagination of what my relationship could have been if they were alive is what makes me homesick.

Does that mean I am “homesick for a place that never really existed at all?”

ah memories: my maroon bike with banana seat!

Zoomed In = Greater Intimacy

Posted by random olio

Yesterday I woke up after a strange dream and had many thoughts instantly come into my head that had nothing to do with my dream. What a strange way to wake up on a Sunday morning. The following is what came into my thought. Good thing I have a pen and pad of paper next to my bed…

There never seems to be enough time in the day to accomplish all that needs to get done. There are usually too many lenses to look through, and too many things to focus on. Often we are juggling too many things and it means we cannot focus well on any of them. The same goes for people in our lives. I am a fan of having fewer close friends, than many non-close acquaintances. The more individuals we have to devote our attention to, the less depth we can give to others.

It is like being at a large party or a big wedding. How many times have you been to a wedding, and never really had the opportunity to connect with the bride or groom? Was it because of the large volume of people the bride/groom have to attend to on their wedding day? Did you feel more like just another body attending the event? Many times at large events, the more individuals that are involved, the less intimacy and connection happens.

Depth is lost by more numbers.

Just like when you take a photo of a large group of people, you cannot zoom closer in with the lens to include everyone, you have to go further away. I crave smaller, closer connections. I would rather zoom in than out, and allow for greater connection and intimacy.

Thoughts on my random morning wake up brain dump?

Happiness = Eternal Stench of Running Clothes

Posted by random olio

Happy Friday! What do you do each day to get exercise? Do you sit in cubicle hell all day, or do you have the ability to move around, stretch, and have an active day?

I spent most of my life NOT running. Now I cannot seem to get enough of it. I want to go everyday and usually I do not want to stop when I need to due to other obligations, or because I am wiped out. I crave it. I often think about what would happen if I had been enamored with running earlier in life. Why did it take me so many years? Did I think I would not be good enough? Did I think it would be too exhausting? I cannot remember, all I know now is that I cannot imagine my life without running in it.

It is not that I did not have encouragement. A very close friend from college ran daily, often winning races and hiding the trophies in the back of her closet. She was a badass (and still is) but never wanted to talk about her race wins. She would often come back to our room for a quick shower before dinner completely caked in mud and gloriously happy. What did she already understand that took me years to wrap my arms around?

The key for me is the euphoria I feel when I finish a run. I feel pushed and stretched. I feel like I am being responsible for my health and taking care of myself. I feel like I have had an hour to myself. I feel content. While my husband would prefer to not smell the stench of my running clothes hanging in the bathroom, he obliges because he knows how happy it makes me. The stench = hard work, dedication, accomplishment = happiness.

Do you have a daily exercise routine that makes your day balanced?