“Reach out and touch someone.”

Posted by random olio

I was talking to a colleague yesterday about “Orange is the New Black.” I had mentioned that scenes from the series kept coming back to my mind. She asked if there was a reason why, and I relayed a few ideas. One being that I NEVER want to ever go to prison. While you might have a simple response: “well then do not do anything stupid, Tami.” Easier said then done. We live in a culture that sues. You piss someone off, they sue you, and sometimes the law is not alway on your side. Maybe I have watched too much of “The Good Wife” but I am not optimistic about our legal system, and I do believe that innocent people often end of in prison. Sad but true.

I digress. One of the things I mentioned about Orange is the New Black that got me thinking was about being touched. They only subtly show you this in the show, but I picked up on it immediately. Inmates are not allowed to touch each other. When the main character gets her hair cut and is getting her hair washed (not sure how many real prisons have hair salons) she groans. Having her head touched by someone else is just so foreign, yet matters so much to her. They are starved and crave the human touch.

Yet, as the thought continued to spin around in my head yesterday I realized we ALL crave physical touch. Whether it is a gentle hand on our arm telling us we are going to be fine, or a hug, or maybe just a pat on the back. Touch grounds up in ways that words sometimes cannot. We are reminded that we are all right. We can make it through today, and tomorrow. So when I saw this Chevrolet commercial “Maddie” (ugh I know another car company ad), the impact of this girl and her dog I thought to add that it is the snuggle of your pet, their sloppy, wet kiss, and the lifetime of comfort when we need it most. A dog always knows.

So not to jump back to the early ’80s but “reach out and touch someone.” [old AT&T slogan]

Never Settle.

Posted by random olio

I have VERY high expectations. I really do. Ask Chris any day and he will vigorously shake his head and potentially roll his eyes. I want things to be good, well not good, but great, amazing, superb, and I will not settle for less. I will do whatever I can to make things happen. I have often wondered what made me cultivate such high expectations? I think some folks desire amazing cars, or worldly adventurous experiences. I just expect the best out of everyone I meet. So? What is wrong with that?

I am in the middle of reading: “Coming Clean” by Kimberly Rae Miller. It is about her life growing up with hoarder parents. A fascinating read and compelling memoir as it makes me think about strange happenings with families. While my parents were definitely not hoarders, my dad kept a lot of junk and I think that has evolved to why I am such a minimalist today. I just do not like to live around stuff, I want my surroundings to be about what is necessary, and what helps me thrive in my space. I wonder if my minimalist nature was living around meaningless “stuff” that just filled empty space? Is that what motivates hoarders, a way to fill a void? I do not know, but this section of her book about never settling resonated with me:

“I had taken the promise I made my mother seriously, making a mantra out of never settle, repeating the two words in my head over and over again when I wasn’t sure whether to do the smart thing or the scary thing. Never settle echoed on and on in my head during the days I was locked in a closet sorting headshots, a requirement of my internship at the agency.” page 129

I wholeheartedly agree with Miller. I never want to settle, instead of being resistant to change, I am resistant to settling. I will go at a problem from hundreds of ways before I will give up or settle. Ultimately if I settle it is because I really do not care about the outcome. Sort of like which direction the toilet paper hangs (well for some of you that might not be an issue you would ever settle on). For me, it is just toilet paper, but there are other items in my life that I would never settle on, like a job, or a spouse, my home, or my friends. We should never settle on the important things in life.

I have not finished reading this book, so you might hear from me again about the further inspiration I have gained. For those of you that decide to settle, especially because you think that you are not worth it. Debunk that myth. Stop settling. Just stop.

“Love You Forever”

Posted by random olio

I have spent a good part of my life taking care of other people, family members, and probably my favorite of all children. My favorite age is newborn, that are so cuddly, sleep so easily in your arms, and smell so good. (Well most of the time). However, I love the conversation and exploration that happens when you interact with toddlers and onward. The questions at times can get under your skin, and other days they say things that are so completely unexpected that they make you laugh so much you cry. Other times the words that come out of their mouths bring other sorts of tears.

Yesterday a Facebook friend shared this article “The Story Behind ‘Love You Forever’ Is Probably Not What You Thought.” Love You Forever is a children’s book written by Robert Munsch. Now let me tell you, over my 10 + years of marriage I have wanted to purchase baby items, and Chris has somehow won and halted this urge, which I understand. However, I started a bit of a collection of my favorite children’s books well before I met Chris. One on the bookshelf is, you guessed it: Love You Forever. Maybe it is the nostalgia of sometimes feeling like an orphan, or remembering childhood memories with my parents, but this book always brought tears to my eyes as I read it to wee little ones while babysitting, or while working at a day care center in college.

The article shares the true story about the background of this children’s book. You’ll want to read the article and watch the video, but know that it is a teary affair. I cried while reading this article based on not having my parents here to tell me they love me, and now to know that the words in the book actually speak to babies lost, makes it that much deeper. The song the mom sings in the book is:

“I’ll love you forever, I’ll like you for always, As long as I’m living, my baby you’ll be.”

For those of you that have lost babies, born or unborn, or even your grown babies, this book is for you. I even think it is for those that have lost their moms or dads, as a reminder that they are loved. You are loved.

How often do you act like a victim?

Posted by random olio

I was thinking recently how so often in life we act like victims. We want everyone to wallow in what we do not have, what transgressions have hit our days – the “poor me” mantra. Think about it, how many times do you think “poor me” and want to tell others so they can potentially get on board with your poopy and negative day? How is that helpful?

There are a lot of things I could share about my life that folks would think “wow how do you do it?” I lost my parents when I was 16 (mom) and 21 (dad) and that has meant that a lot of my life has been parentless. You could call me an orphan. I do not have a large extended family. I have a sister and brother, and of course my husband’s family, but as families go mine is small. I could look at that and say “poor me.” Or, I could look at that and think this is my life, this is the hand I was dealt, and how am I going to handle it? As evident in my blog post: Suck the life out of your day, I believe that whatever hand you are dealt, deal with it, and live it to the fullest.

Yes, I think make the most out of what you are handed. Sometimes we take the heat in our home life. Say your spouse is in a phase at work where they have to work crazy hours, so you take the slack at home, making sure your house is stays clean, things are fixed, food is purchased so that the other spouse does not have to think about those day-to-day tasks. The scale might later shift to the other spouse and the tides shift and the roles change. To me that is part of the ebb and flow of life.

Maybe it is a work environment that you do not like, or does not feel right. Sometimes we have to be patient and wait out the tough times and know that sometimes things are happening under the surface. Sort of like how my spring flowers have been growing these past months and last week I saw their stems poke out of the earth, and yesterday I even found a few had bloomed. Sometimes all the trying and tough times lead to a time of growth and color.

Can you look within yourself? Do you act like a victim? Or, do you divert such conversations to ones that are positive, helpful, and meaningful, rather than hoping folks will side with a victim mentality and go there with you? What do you think?

Cutting thorns off roses

Posted by random olio

I cannot remember if I was in high school or college, but over my Christmas break (which was usually a few weeks to a month) I would go home to Indiana and work in a flower shop. Now I was not a talented designer or florist, I rung up orders, cleaned the thorns off roses, unpacked flowers, made bows for poinsettias, and dusted the plants (yes plants needed dusting and spraying so they would be ready for funerals). Since I worked around Christmas time, there were quite a few individuals and families that ordered wreaths and flowers for their loved ones at cemeteries. It was an interesting time. Flowers for weddings, funerals, holiday parties, Christmas wreaths, poinsettias for offices and homes, flowers for significant others. It was fun to watch all ways that flowers were shared.

I only worked there a few Decembers, but I enjoyed my time. The couple that owned the business were interesting. The other florists had stories of their own, but I loved how the wife/florist would be able to ask questions to those purchasing flowers to somehow get them to talk. She was a quiet woman but somehow in asking what they wanted she would get a story. I would answer the phone, often FTD orders, and hear a story for why the individual was sending flowers across the country or the world. I always encouraged a card for someone to share their story, their thoughts, and feelings. What an interesting business to be in!

Today I love having fresh-cut flowers in my home. There is something luxurious about fresh-cut flowers, and while I have to be careful of which flowers I have in the house (due to Chris’ allergies) I find that many of the ones I love work out well with his nose. Fresh cut hydrangeas, calla lilies, or tulips are on the top of my list. Last week I found that all my outdoor spring flowers were coming up. A few crocuses have even bloomed. I know it is only early March, but it is so exciting to know that Spring is on its way with green stems pushing out above the soil. My large hydrangea bush has large green buds at the tips of the branches.

It is the little things right? The things we get to look forward to each day. I love remembering all those individuals I connected with over a decade ago as they selected their flowers by look, smell, or meaning. A flower can bring a smile to the face.