What turns you on? What freaks you out?

Posted by random olio

I recently finished the book: “You Can Be Right [or You Can Be Married]” by Dana Adam Shapiro. I wrote a blog post about it recently sharing a quote about whether your eyes light up when kids walk into a room. His book is definitely worth the read if you are contemplating marriage, or wondering if your current relationship will take it to that next level to marriage. Of course I should clarify that I am not looking to change anything in my marriage, I read a great review on his book and decided it might be worth the read. It really is a fairly good book for anyone married or not.

Shapiro interviews many different individuals about their current and past marriages and shares excerpts from these sessions. A recent conversation with a co-worker reminded me of this quote from Shapiro’s book:

“The problem, I think, is that we get so giddy at the prospect of having found ‘the one’ that we airbrush ourselves—and our partners—into a corner. Desperate to connect, we unwittingly self-sabotage through brazen acts of self-promotion, and like most forms of advertising, the pitch distorts the truth. Better to just be honest; every lie requires a lifetime of maintenance. What really turns you on? What really freaks you out? “ page 16

This scares me. We have become so concerned with finding the “one” and not losing them that we turn into someone else. It makes me want to jump up and down in a rant, scream and yell, and beat my chest in hopes that all of you out there that are pretending to be someone else will wake up, hear me, and snap out of it. Be who you are. Be who you are with excitement and glee. If that boy or girl, man or woman is not interested in you, then walk away. Walk away now. It is not worth wasting your time and energy to hide behind yourself. Be honest. Be direct. Be blunt. Be you.

I ask you in my long and meandering rant. Are you telling your spouse, partner, girlfriend, boyfriend, friend what does turn you on or freaks you out? Do you yourself know what turns you on or freaks you out? Are they still there? Good. Do they hold you to it? Do they challenge and push you to keep charging down the road towards what turns you on? Do they hold your hand as you encounter what freaks you out? Do you know and do the same for them? Good.

If you do not know, find out. If you are afraid to open that door, do not wait. Kick that door in. Let it splinter and break. And, leave the airbrush and paint at the fair. Your time is now.

Separate Finances? Shared Finances?

Posted by random olio

I was inspired by this article: “Separate Money Sane Marriage,” and it leads me to ask a question for those of you that might read this blog post. Separate finances vs. Shared finances? What are the pros and cons? I have resisted from doing a google search for everything the experts say. Partly because I think that the experts will be on both sides, and honestly I think that it is different for each couple or partnership. What works for one might not work for another.

I lean on the side of shared finances. I say that because it has worked for us. Maybe it is because of our communication style to talk about everything, including our finances. Maybe it is because when we got married we were broke, in debt, and we worked together to get out of debt, pay off credit cards, and student loans. It evolved into the idea for every facet of our lives: “What is yours is mine, what is mine is yours.” There are ebbs and flows when things we decide for Chris are more expensive or vice versa. That is part of marriage, part of life.

I can respect those that keep their finances separate, but I want to understand more about why. I know for some they might get married when they are older, and just prefer to continue to live their financial life as they have throughout the years. Why do others make that choice? What are the pros and cons?

I am curious to hear what you think! Feel free to leave a comment with your thoughts.

A Must Read: Ten Degrees Of Reckoning

Posted by random olio

Do you ever have those days when you feel like your life sucks? You agonize over all the horrible things you have been through, you ask yourself the question: “Why me?” Then, something happens and you meet someone who changes the way you view the world. Maybe this person exudes happiness and you find out that they are caring for their adult son who has extensive health issues and you are in awe of the pain and hardship they have been through. Another may have learned of their own fate by being left by a spouse and trying to figure out how to pay for their life, while raising all their children alone. You see their life challenge and experience in relation to your own.

This is how I felt after reading Hester Rumberg’s book: “Ten Degrees of Reckoning: The True Story of a Family’s Love and the Will to Survive.” Hester writes about her friend, Judy Sleavin. I heard about this book from my hair stylist. We were talking at my last hair cut about amazing women who are strong and have been through unimaginable life events, and yet are the people who have a smile on their face, and you would never know they have been through such hell.

Judy Sleavin is a perfect example of that. Here is the synopsis of her story from Amazon.com:

“In 1993, Judith and Michael Sleavin and their two children set out to live their dream: to sail around the world. But one night, a freighter off the coast of New Zealand altered its course by a mere ten degrees. And changed everything. After surviving forty-four hours in the water, with a back broken in several places and paralyzed below the waist, Judith miraculously survived. Doctors would later say she suffered one of the worst cases of post-traumatic stress syndrome ever documented. News of the collision made headlines around the world, but, distraught, Judith never talked to the press. Her body was broken, and so was her soul.”

Judy and her husband were very experienced sailors. They knew what they were doing. They had been sailing for 3 years and were 20 miles from New Zealand, when they were hit. Judy and her family were going to stay and settle in New Zealand and let their kids finally get the dog they wanted so badly. The Korean logging ship did not have their lights on, were negligent and knew that Judy’s boat and their boat would collide. They did nothing to change course. Judy later sued the Korean shipping company. Maritime law states that if a boat is under duress, any boat nearby will stop and help. The Korean boat, not only hit her sailboat, but it proceeded to continue on its way without helping Judy and her family. If they had stopped, Judy, her daughter, and her husband would have survived. (Her son had already gone down with the sailboat). Instead, only Judy lived.

What an amazing story of survival. I can never imagine what it must have been like for Judy to watch her son, then daughter and husband drown in the middle of the ocean 20 miles away from their destination. It is a reminder to all of us, that we can always endure more than we know. We can go on. We can live and still have a smile on our face, and continue to make the world a better place.

Thank you, Judy, for having Hester tell your story.

Women, Sex, and “Fifty Shades of Grey”

Posted by random olio

Okay so I confess. A few weeks ago I finished reading “Fifty Shades of Grey” by E L James. It has me wondering about women and sex and why there is such an interest in this book? Romance novels have been around forever, so what makes Fifty Shades so different? Is it the fan lit? That the characters were featured based on the characters from the Twilight Trilogy? Or, does it say something more about the type of literature on sex that women want to read? Does it say anything about what women feel is lacking in their lives?

Another confession. I never read the Twilight Trilogy. Yes, can you believe it? I am not a fantasy book reader. I also really do not like reading what everyone else is reading. I did not read Harry Potter. Lord of the Rings. The list goes on. For some reason, though, I wanted to find out about this Fifty Shades following. I had heard about it from too many people. What interested me the most was about women, sex, and what they want or crave. I loved hearing that women would tell me they would read excerpts to their boyfriends or spouses. What were they reading to them? What made them want to read a specific excerpt? Why?

I have mentioned before that I am a bit of a feminazi (or can be on certain subjects). So you can imagine that I would not be into the subordination of women, or of women being submissive. So I thought I would adamantly hate this book. But, shockingly I did not hate it. I will say that I agree with many that the writing was horrid, and yet even with the bad writing I wanted to know what would happen. I was curious while reading what parts interested other women. I had also heard that many women were hiding the book from their husbands. Why were they hiding it? That part shocks me. It is 2012. We should live in a place where a woman should not have to hide what interests her, or what she wants to read from her husband. It reminds me of a little boy hiding a Playboy.

So what does this all say about women’s sexuality? What are they missing in their lives? What have they not told their husband they want and what do they crave sexually? My only conclusion is that in general women must feel they have to fit this specific mold that says that women should not be like Samantha Jones (Kim Cattrall’s character from Sex in the City). That we must be more tame about what we want sexually. What do you think?

Last confession. I got the second book. Because. Well, because I am curious about what happens next.

The Internet is brewing with “50 Shades” banter

Have You Seen: “The Parent Rap”?

Posted by random olio

I found this video from a Facebook friend last week. It is called: “The Parent Rap.” As you may be noticing, I am finding more and more parent things that interest me. I thought this was a clever rap from a family with four kids (no, do not worry Chris, I do not want that many). In any case, take a minute to enjoy!

Did you have a few laughs? I did. Hopefully all the parents out there had a few more, and that it resonated with your daily life. Although maybe they should have added in a section about “sleep.”

The Parent Rap vaguely reminds me of the “Swagger Wagon” video from a few years ago for the Toyota Sienna mini van. If you have not seen it before, take a moment to watch it now: