Being grateful

Posted by random olio

I woke up at 4:45 am Sunday morning and could not sleep or get comfortable. I thought about just getting up. Instead the thought that came to me was to just lay there and be grateful. A long list of things came into my thought and eventually I fell back asleep. I woke up an hour or so later, not able to sleep and still uncomfortable. So I did the same thing.

I have had pivotal moments in my life when I have woken in the middle of the night and could not get back to sleep with very strong thoughts about another person in my life. Whether I had an intuition that something was not right in the world, or a moment of pause about a specific individual. Early on when I would have these pitch-black-middle-of-the-night intuitions, well they freaked me out. Over time I learned to stop, be quiet, and listen. Depending on how coherent I am I might lay there and pray, or think about how I can support and think good thoughts for the world situation or individual that woke me from sleep.

Waking in the wee hours of Sunday morning was not about a person, but it was a full body reminder for me. Why did I have to lay in bed unwilling to get out of my cozy bed to take moments to be grateful for my amazing husband, family, friends, colleagues, home, work, etc? The list went on in my head. Even to specific worldly pleasures, such as my new favorite sheets that I was laying between. That utter euphoria I felt for all the goodness in my life (does not mean it was perfect) reminded me to take more moments in the day to acknowledge that goodness. Why not before I fall asleep at night? Or at least on those nights when I do not fall asleep the instant my head hits the pillow… Who am I kidding? That never happens to me.

This is a reminder for you and for me. Be grateful. Keep it inside or let it ooze out and tell those that you are feeling gratitude for them. Snuggle in your bed and appreciate the sheets that have you smitten. Watch the video of your niece laughing over and over again. Forget the struggles that you have for a few moments and just be head over heels grateful for all the good in your life.

Are you a nitpick?

Posted by random olio

Are you a nitpick? I am.

This article from The Washington Post titled: “Carolyn Hax: A wife who gets things done is judged by a nitpicking husband.” I am the nitpick wife. Is it my dad’s fault? He ingrained in me to do it right the first time.

Why am I a nitpick? I make quick decisions often based on my intuition, but also based on the facts I have. I completely relate to the very first line of this article, the only difference is 9 times out of 10 Chris and I both believe that if it is worth doing it is worth doing right. A house project, a work initiative, a trip, whatever it might be, we focus on the plan, and put time into selecting the right options.

“My wife and I live by two different schools of thought. I believe that if something is worth doing, it’s worth doing right, and put lots of time, energy and resources into things I plan.”

We like to make sure we are both on the same page. If one of us researches, then we show the other our findings, sharing pricing, timing, likes/dislikes, and what we think the next steps are for the project. Yes, in essence we project manage our life, but it means there is no miscommunication. Take a weekend. Yes, this might sound sterile, but often I will coordinate all the different errands we need to do (and the list is usually long) and orchestrate where we need to go and when. It feels slightly militaristic, and yet what it actually does is allow for us to get shit done and the rest of the time is for relaxing. If we did not coordinate, we would probably not get what we needed done, and potentially never find any downtime.

I love the ending of the article too:

“As a person on the receiving end of this constant oversight, I can tell you the drip drip drip of disapproval is eroding your wife’s affection for you. I can appreciate my husband’s careful ways (we got a great mortgage rate!), but he has no appreciation for someone like me who knows when it’s just time to pull the trigger and buy some damn sheets instead of endlessly researching thread count. You’ve been warned, husband. Find a way to appreciate her ability to get things done or someday she will leave you.”

I agree with the author. I would never leave Chris and often I want him to decide on the damn sheets, but that is just a little conversation we have to move the decision along. We need someone in the marriage that reads the fine print, watches out for where we might be screwed, and keeps us on our toes. Maybe we are both nitpicks. Either way, I like us just the way we are.

A great relationship is like a great financial portfolio

Posted by random olio

Last night I had a much-needed night with a good friend. A night away from the normal day-to-day to reconnect and be reminded of what is really important. An interesting analogy was brought up during our conversation about how a great relationship is like a great financial portfolio. Ponder this with me:

_You get what you put into it. Think of it like a mutual fund or an IRA. If you continue to feed and put money into the account it will continue to grow for you. If you leave it, and never watch or nurture it then it will sit and never do anything. The same is true for relationships – whether a friendship, or a romantic relationship, you get back what you put into it. Think about how you are investing, whether financial or personal.

_Over time your investment grows. I think of the friendships that I have had over time. Some continue to grow and others have a strange nostalgia that make us want to hold on to what we remember. Sort of like keeping money in a savings account. These days it does not really matter how much money you have in a savings account, you are not going to get much return on your investment. The friendships and financial accounts that are worth keeping will grow for us over time. Those that we no longer benefit from should be divested from our lives.

_Never put your eggs in one basket. You always want to make sure you diversify your friendships and your financial portfolio. It does not mean you must have a ton of friends. You can have a few that are deep and important relationships, but make sure you do not limit yourself. Shit happens, and sometimes that means that putting our eggs in one basket can devastate our future, whether pertaining to finances or our relationships. Diversify your friendships, so that you have different support mechanisms when something or someone fails you.

_Be grateful for what you have. Regardless of how many friends you have, or how amazing your romantic relationships are, be grateful for what you have right in front of you. We forget that our lives are often so much better than we can ever imagine, we just forget to look at the shiny spots. I imagine we all can be more thankful for the wealth we have in our life, whether via relationships or finances.

A happy evening, with much food for thought pondering ideas of wealth, gratitude, and all that we have right in front of us. Hopefully this makes you think about how you fuel your finances and relationships.

Valentine’s Day Scrooge

Posted by random olio

I might be the Scrooge to your Cupid. I am not a fan of Valentine’s Day. I do not believe in it. For me it has nothing to do with cupid or love or chocolates or panties. It has everything to do with having these items each and every day. Chris knows that I do not care in the least about flowers, gifts, and that the last place I want to be on Valentine’s Day is a restaurant. I do not want to pay for overproduced, overpriced food with a bunch of couples that may just be meeting for the first time or for those that are just checking a box off a list with their spouse. Flowers — check. Dinner out — check. Happy wife? Maybe.

Happy wife, happy life. This happy wife does not equate Valentine’s Day in a typical way. Valentine’s Day should be lived everyday. Love, hugs, kisses, cupid…flowers…living appreciation. Surprises (even though I suck at keeping them). Each of these things shared at random throughout the year, means living love every day. What if we all tried to extend Valentine’s Day to every day of the year? Would we all be happier and more loved? Random Acts of Kindness every day to those we love.

Whatever you are doing on Saturday this year, whether going out with your loved one, or picking up a quick box of chocolates at the drug store, or staying home and snuggling on the couch, try to love today, and tomorrow, and the next day. Do not do it just because it is Valentine’s Day. Do it next week, next month, and this summer.

How are you living love in your life? Do you only do it on Valentine’s Day? Do you expect anything in return or are you just expressing yourself from your heart? Be Cupid every damn day.

Chilling PSA to air during the Super Bowl

Posted by random olio

Over the years I have become more of a fan of football and the plethora of other sports Chris enjoys watching. I usually half-watch/multi-task. Depending on the game I can actually get sucked in and I always watch the Super Bowl. I watch it for the game and I watch it for the one time of year that I actually watch commercials. Some commercials are well crafted and make you laugh and some make you cry. Rarely do you see a commercial that gives you the chills.

This quick commercial gave me the chills. It is actually a PSA for sexual assault and domestic violence. While I have heard for years that Super Bowl Sunday is the one night of the year that has the most domestic violence calls (alcohol, football, aggression, a losing team), the statistics I found online go both ways. Some say that is true and others say it is a hoax. Whether or not it is the worst night of the year, I stand triumphant that NoMore.org is airing this spot to address domestic violence during the Super Bowl.

Chilling, is it not? To think that this is an actual 911 call and the woman was savvy enough to think to call 911 and pretend to order a pizza. You can even hear the man in the background saying “make sure you get a large.” A bit creepy. Not a happy ad, but one that will hopefully make people think about these real issues. GoDaddy, and Pepsi and all the other companies have nothing on this ad.