“i carry your heart with me”

Posted by random olio

Over the weekend I got sucked into the movie “In Her Shoes” with Toni Collette, Cameron Diaz, and Shirley MacLaine. It has been years since I have seen it, but for some reason I was enraptured as though it was the first time I watched it. The sister story line, the death of their mom, and then the interwoven story with a long-lost grandmother, and a clueless dad, kept me engaged even though I had a list of things I wanted to do. I had forgotten the ending too. Cameron Diaz reads an e.e. cummings poem: “i carry your heart with me” to her sister during her wedding. It brought tears to my eyes.

i carry your heart with me (i carry it in
my heart) i am never without it (anywhere
i go you go, my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing, my darling)

i fear no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet) i want
no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true)
and it’s you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that’s keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)

It makes me think of Chris. For those of you who know me, or have been reading this blog for a while, you know that I am addicted to my husband. This precious poem makes me think of him with immense love and gratitude. It also makes me think of my sister and my 2 month old niece. I am sure my sister will think of little Charlie if she reads this blog. It also makes me think of my mom, my dad, and my grandma, so it serves those we have lost. Such a timeless, versatile, and expansive poem. Of course, it also makes me want to write in all lower case.

In case you want to remind yourself, here is the excerpt of Cameron Diaz reading this poem to her sister:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k3m6vWsrMIU

“Secret Single Behavior”

Posted by random olio

A co-worker shared with a few of us yesterday that one of her favorite things to do when her fiance is off doing his own thing, is what she called her: “Secret Single Behavior.” It is taken from an episode of Sex and the City (Season 4, Episode 13: The Good Fight), and well it just made me grin from ear-to-ear today. I am not going to go into her own “Secret Single Behavior” but it made me think – what is mine? It sort of baffles me to even find an answer. Maybe that means I have been married too long. I thought about it a few times yesterday and even asked Chris. Here is my potential list:

_Go to a cafe on a Saturday or Sunday, order breakfast, coffee, bring my laptop, book, and journal and see where my heart takes me. Either read, write, or explore wherever my fingers take me on the Internet. I can stay as long as I like and not have to worry about someone waiting for me.

_Boutique hopping? Go to boutiques I have not been to in a while, get inspired by designers + artists and see where the inspiration takes me.

_Stay in my pajamas, go into my studio (empty bedroom) and paint until I lose track of time.

_Catch up with friends I have not seen in a while (whether in person, email, or over the phone).

_Organize my life in every way possible.

_Sometimes when Chris is gone for a week or so, I will go to the store and get food that he hates to eat. Selections have been: yogurt covered pretzels, popcorn, snickerdoodles. Ah, strange guilty pleasures.

So do you have them? Do you have “Secret Single Behaviors?” If so, what are they?

A little something new…

Posted by random olio

After seeing my niece a week ago, I have to say I have baby on the brain. My good friend is also going to be a momma any day now. With all these precious munchkins on the mind this video just hit the spot for me. It brought tears the first time Chris showed it to me, and since then I continue to see it being shared all over different social networks. What is it about watching a belly grow over time, to inspire and remind us of the precious little one growing inside? I know, I know, some of you might think wow you sure have blogged about babies lately.

I am not sure if there are words to explain it. There was a connection with my niece a week ago, that has not left me. Maybe it is because it is my sister’s baby, but there is a love there that I cannot begin to explain. It makes me think how much stronger and how fierce will that love be when it is my little one that is welcomed to this world. I cannot yet imagine.

In the below video, the father, Tom Fletcher, who is the lead singer of British band “McFly” wrote the song “Something New.” His wife, Giovanna, was photographed each day while pregnant in the same outfit and they put it together in the below video.

I love the line: “I guess I’m ready, I think I’m ready, I hope I’m ready, for something new.” I think I might soon be ready for something new.

A man and his TV…

Posted by random olio

What is it about a man and his TV? I was traveling this weekend and while running on the treadmill at the hotel I was staying at, I watched a bit of “Love it, or List it.” A Canadian TV show with 2 hosts, a realtor that wants to find that perfect place for the family, or the designer that can make changes to your home and make you want to stay. At the end of the episode the couple decides if they are going to stay in their current upgraded home (Love it) or sell their current home and buy a new one (List it).

While watching “Love it, or List it” over the weekend, there was an episode about a man and his massive TV. The realtor (a man) was in heaven seeing the massive TV. The designer (a woman) did not get why such a large TV was a big deal. So what is it about the man and the big TV? Such a variety of options, sizes, HD, pixels, etc. Yet, most of the women in my life could care less about any of it. So what is it about a man and his TV? Why do they get so over zealous to watch a football game on high definition? Is it because it feels like you are literally at the game, with a crisp, clear picture?

I never saw the end of the show, as I had finished my run and was back to my room for a shower and on to the rest of my day, however somehow I think that TV was allowed to stay. (The wife had remarked in an interview that they always fought about the TV). It is not an argument topic for us, but I think a big TV might always make it on the top ten list of must haves for Chris.

Regardless, I have resorted to chalking a man and his TV in the category of “it I what it is.” What item would you say about a woman? “A woman and her …”

Never Settle.

Posted by random olio

I have VERY high expectations. I really do. Ask Chris any day and he will vigorously shake his head and potentially roll his eyes. I want things to be good, well not good, but great, amazing, superb, and I will not settle for less. I will do whatever I can to make things happen. I have often wondered what made me cultivate such high expectations? I think some folks desire amazing cars, or worldly adventurous experiences. I just expect the best out of everyone I meet. So? What is wrong with that?

I am in the middle of reading: “Coming Clean” by Kimberly Rae Miller. It is about her life growing up with hoarder parents. A fascinating read and compelling memoir as it makes me think about strange happenings with families. While my parents were definitely not hoarders, my dad kept a lot of junk and I think that has evolved to why I am such a minimalist today. I just do not like to live around stuff, I want my surroundings to be about what is necessary, and what helps me thrive in my space. I wonder if my minimalist nature was living around meaningless “stuff” that just filled empty space? Is that what motivates hoarders, a way to fill a void? I do not know, but this section of her book about never settling resonated with me:

“I had taken the promise I made my mother seriously, making a mantra out of never settle, repeating the two words in my head over and over again when I wasn’t sure whether to do the smart thing or the scary thing. Never settle echoed on and on in my head during the days I was locked in a closet sorting headshots, a requirement of my internship at the agency.” page 129

I wholeheartedly agree with Miller. I never want to settle, instead of being resistant to change, I am resistant to settling. I will go at a problem from hundreds of ways before I will give up or settle. Ultimately if I settle it is because I really do not care about the outcome. Sort of like which direction the toilet paper hangs (well for some of you that might not be an issue you would ever settle on). For me, it is just toilet paper, but there are other items in my life that I would never settle on, like a job, or a spouse, my home, or my friends. We should never settle on the important things in life.

I have not finished reading this book, so you might hear from me again about the further inspiration I have gained. For those of you that decide to settle, especially because you think that you are not worth it. Debunk that myth. Stop settling. Just stop.