Opinion

My marriage secret: 51/49

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If you are married, you will probably understand what I am about to tell you. You know that Sunday afternoon when it is slightly cold out, but it is past time to clear the leaves out of the gutters? When you ask your husband if maybe this is the day to clean them out, and they look at you with raised eyebrows because they know it is:

a) a good day for it

b) past time for it to be done

c) they do not want to get on the roof and clean the gutters

d) they know you are right

You say to your husband: “51/49” which equates to: time to clean the gutters.

You might ask: What is this 51/49? Chris and I have a little mantra for our marriage that we joke about together. “51/49” is what we call it. Basically the short and dirty of it is that I have 51% say and he has 49% say in decisions. I know what you are thinking. Either: “That is not fair” or “Wow, lucky woman.” Whatever you are thinking, save it. It works for us. Chris has always had the idea in his mind: “Happy wife; happy life.” You can guess correctly that I like it. I have the most wonderful husband (I already know I do so you do not have to tell me).

You may ask why I am telling you this – especially when I have also just told you that he only gets 49% say. Well, in the end 51/49 is our inside joke. It is our decision-making motto. Yes, there are many decisions that we make together. Definitely the big ones, buying a house, moving to a different city, making large purchases, you know the drill. Yet, on the day-to-day level, I often plot out the plan for our life. I carve out what is next, make a plan, and divvy up the details for us both to execute. Partly because I am on point for driving us forward with those plans, I often use 51/49 to make sure things happen. If we are torn about where to have dinner and I have a strong opinion, I might mention 51/49. With a grin on his face, and the knowledge that it is our little joke, Chris might lean my way. Or, he might decide to bring his own plan to the mix and test my 51/49. Yes, it is fun, and yes, it has proven very effective in our marriage.

51/49 is also a reminder to us to take good care of each other. I try just as hard to look out for and pamper Chris as he does for me. We do it in different ways, but we love to find ways to make sure we both share in living a happy life together.

I grew up in a family where my father made the decisions (whether right, smart, wrong, or not thought through), while my mom did almost everything in the house. It was always evident to me that my dad made the decisions. It was his way or the highway. I knew I never wanted to be in that kind of marriage. First, I am too strong-willed. Second, I wanted to be in a relationship where we shared and made decisions together. 51/49 works for us.

What do you think of our marriage secret?

Random Olio Snippets: 1

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I am trying something new. Once a week (on no specific day of the week) I want to share snippets of a few “random olios” or ideas from my week. Often I have random thoughts I want to share, but they are short and so in 2013 I have decided to share small snippets together in one post each week. We’ll see!

More books for me! – Thank you to a work colleague, I just found out that I can check out books from libraries in another county. She made my day. Call me a dork, but it gives me the ability to find books that never make it to my county library locations. For those of you in the Portland area, there is the Metropolitan Interlibrary Exchange (MIX) and they have a reciprocal borrowing agreement with libraries in neighboring counties (I can explain more if anyone has questions). If you are not in Portland, maybe you have a similar consortium in your town or local area.

Facebook Graph Search – Not sure what I think about this yet. It is a beta version, and I have not signed up for this feature. 2012 was the year that I put myself out there in the online community, and this online world is starting to feel limitless. In some ways, as online search capabilities grow, so does the potential of someone’s community to grow. Yet, I wonder if there is point where it all goes to far? There is connection and community, and there is TMI. Too much information exposed to the whole world. I have at times wanted to find something on my own page on Facebook and not been able to find it, but separate from that, what do we really need to search and know more about our Facebook friends? I would love to hear different opinions on this topic!

Social Security – Starting February 15, $61 billion in Social Security benefits are due, but the federal government might only be able to cover 60% of that. Yikes. Yet, CNN Money was the only place I found that was talking about this massive oversight? Why are other news outlets not talking about this? This should be front and center. It would be important to me if I was in the age range to collect benefits. This does continue to remind me that while I am paying into Social Security, I should not expect it to be there for me when I retire. Food for thought.

IRAs – we can now contribute $5500 a year (up $500 from 2012), $6500 for those over 50 years old, into IRAs for 2013.

All random I know, but hey, that is why this blog is called Random Olio – you never know what will inspire, bring me to tears, or piss me off!

Want to keep me as your customer?

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What do you do when you have a good customer service experience? How about a bad one? I am kind of a nut. Okay, Chris would say more than a nut. If I have a bad experience, I can guarantee that I will be alerting the company. If I have a good experience, I can guarantee that I will be alerting the company. Below are two recent – shall I say – adventures!? One was annoying and the other started out annoying and the company eventually tried to fix it.

Late last week Chris and I were dropping his parents off at the airport. We decided to stop by IKEA on the way home to return a comforter cover. (Who knew that IKEA sells covers that are not the same size as regular US comforters. I should have thought of that!) What a bummer of a customer service experience that was for us. We had to wait for 30 minutes. In that time they called 15 numbers. Now you might think that 15 numbers meant 15 customers, but it did not. Many of the individuals with numbers before us left. They had waited too long. Many times during the 30 minutes we were there waiting this is what was happening.

Returns desk at IKEA

Returns desk at IKEA

As you can see in this photo, there are no customers being helped. There are 4 representatives at the desk, but no customers. It was a frustrating experience to say the least. You might think that I am complaining about just one experience, but I am not. Just a week before we were dropping Chris’ brother off at the airport, and we decided to venture to IKEA with Chris’ parents. Chris stood in line at the Returns area for a similar amount of time (he is patient)!

I will definitely think again before I purchase something at IKEA. I will make sure that it is something we have no desire to return, because I am not sure I can handle going back to the Returns area! Have you had a similar experience with IKEA?

My second experience was with Shoebuy.com. I ordered a pair of slippers just before Christmas. Had I been faster with my purchase, they would have expedited it so I could have it before Christmas. I was not in any rush, so I made the purchase, got free shipping, and 25% off. Always up for getting a deal I made the purchase on December 21. My order arrived today. When I opened the box, and tried on the slipper, it did not fit. I then noticed that the slipper was a different size than the size listed on the box. They were an entire size smaller. Annoyed? You bet I was. I had waited 2 weeks for my order and it was incorrect. Most likely a mistake at the manufacturer, since the paper in the shoe box did not look like it had ever been touched.

I called Shoebuy and asked what they could do for me. Nothing. The only option was for me to print the mailing label they were going to email me, and return the slippers. Once they received them they would proceed to send me a new pair. So all in all I was probably looking at another 3 weeks. That would be the beginning of February. By then, my mind starts to think about flip-flops, not slippers. I continued to push, and explain that it was not my fault. Would they be able to expedite them? No. Could they send them now? Only if they charged me again. The representative was nice, but kept saying there was nothing they could do.

I am a bit of a Zappo’s evangelist. I probably should just have paid full price at Zappos where I know the customer service is creative and top-notch. (Maybe next time I will). In the end, I pushed her to speak to her supervisor and call me back. She called me back within 10 minutes, and said we could start a new order, where she would charge me $10 for expedited shipping and give me 10% more off. I would be charged all this and later the billing department would credit me for the extra $10 shipping charge and give me 10% off. Exhausted and frustrated I decided to take this step. I should have my slippers in a few days, and they will then credit me for the ones I return. Yet, that only happened because I pushed, and allowed them to go ahead and charge me again. Otherwise, you know February and flip-flops on the mind.

My issue is why not empower employees to be able to fix customer service issues quickly and easily? Why does it have to take a 30 minute phone call and a frustrated customer? In the end, I have to return the slippers and watch that I am refunded the money, and I have to watch that I am credited for the shipping and 10% off. This puts the work and follow through on the customer, not the company. I do not really care about the money, it is the principle of what it takes for a customer to have quality service. If Shoebuy empowered their employees to do what they need to do to fix a mistake, they might find quicker call handling times and happier customers. If IKEA noticed how long their customers were waiting, should they maybe hire more individuals? Add more computers for Returns? Or maybe they want you to decide returning their product is not worth the wait.

What do you think?

Safety. Horror. Why?

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Last week I came across this article about bringing guns to work. I found it after the Clackamas Town Center mall shootings. I was shocked that this is even a conversation, or that it is even legal in some states to bring a gun to work. I do not even want to think about my co-workers bringing a gun to work.

Guns at work adds to the already full social commentary about gun laws and mental health. The events of last week have brought us all to reflect on our lives, appreciate our loved ones, and pray for the families affected by these tragedies. My heart and tears go out to those that have been affected by the shootings in Oregon and Connecticut. Horror. Safety. Why? All three of these words come to my mind. Many individuals are asking why this happened, and what needs to change in our country. I am asking myself the same questions. What needs to shift?

Besides understanding the facts, many are talking about what needs to be done with gun laws and mental health issues in our country. Both issues need to be discussed. We also need to address the fear of safety from the public. What does a shooting in a mall, movie theater, and an elementary school do to the fear and comfort level for many families across America. Is it immobilizing them or are they able to continue to live their lives? What effects do these events have on the general trust among strangers? Will we all begin to start looking at each other different?

I do not have any answers. Only questions right now. What I do know is like with many of the natural disasters that have hit around the world in the recent months and years, that this is a time to come together. To work together in our communities and try to find answers to our questions. To not move on as though this was all okay. It is not okay.

Articles I have found interesting from the online conversation:

‘I Am Adam Lanza’s Mother’: A Mom’s Perspective On The Mental Illness Conversation In America – Huffington Post

Guns-to-Work Laws Spread in U.S. as Business Fights NRA – Bloomberg

To pee or not to pee…

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On Saturday, at about 5 pm and dark out, we were getting out of our car at a store. I hear this strange sound and look over and see a large man peeing in the parking lot. Gross. Luckily, I saw him from behind instead of the front. Still I could not get it out of my mind as we went into the store. So much so that I wanted to make our purchase, leave, and come home. Why did it bother me so much?

I am not completely against the peeing in public thing. I have a friend that will drop and pee if needed, but she is discreet. This was far from discreet. There is also a big difference between a small woman crouching down and hiding behind a car door, and a man standing in the middle of the parking lot, with the sound of his spray similar to a fire hydrant.

What would you have done? I would love to have said something to the man, however, I was not in the safest of neighborhoods, and he was three times my size. I had a hard time finding out if it was against the law in Oregon or in Portland to publicly urinate. I found this, but I am not sure if it is legitimate:

“Any person who urinates upon any public sidewalk, street, parking lot or building, or in any public place, except in receptacles and recognized places provided for those purposes, commits a Class B violation.”

If it is that hard for me to find an answer online, then I wonder if most people know whether it is legal or not. I was thinking about the person that parks in that spot next. When they get out of the car, and they step into a pool of water they might think it is rain (it is Portland), or they might think someone emptied their beverage, not their bladder.

#whatisthisworldcomingto