Quotes

Suppressing feelings

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Say what is on your mind. Say it directly. Say exactly what you mean. Do not hold back. What do you lose by saying exactly what you are thinking? Will others judge you? Maybe. Will they laugh at you? Possibly. Does it matter? No. If you want to be completely and utterly yourself, then you have to be you and part of that means saying what is on your mind.

I am direct. I have an opinion and it can come out strongly. Does that mean that I do not want to hear what others have to say? Not in the least. I encourage a healthy debate. Your opinion may sway me. I may learn something new that just may bring an aha moment for me that will create a speedy excitement of new ways of doing things. You never know.

I see it all the time. Individuals that suppress their feelings. They are afraid to say what is really on their mind. When that happens it means they are not really being true to themselves. They are hiding behind what they think others want them to say, do, feel. Why do we do that? Why is it so hard to be unequivocally ourselves? Why do we sometimes sensor ourselves? Or not share what we are really feeling? I constantly go back to ideas that resonated with me from Brene Brown’s book: “Daring Greatly” such as:

“Give me the courage to show up and let myself be seen.” Page 42

Is that what we are doing when we say what is on our mind? When we have no filter, and do not suppress our thoughts?

I dare you. Do it. Say what is on your mind.

What did you enjoy today?

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Often we think about all the many tasks that we have not completed. I know my to-do list feels never ending, whether it is all the projects I want to get after when I am at home at night or on the weekend, or the multitude of projects that are in front of me at work. I love the feeling of accomplishment of large projects and many tasks and knowing how a to-do list can be like carving away the excess to find the beauty of the sculpture that will eventually surface.

Yet, we usually think about what we cross off of our lists. I am definitely one to cross something off my list so I do not have to see it anymore, but recently came across a Fast Company article about having a “To-Done” list and celebrating the accomplishments by being able to look at all that was done. An aha moment for me! The article is definitely a must read, but I specifically wanted to highlight three key questions from the article:

“1. What am I thankful for today?

2. What did I enjoy today?

3. What am I satisfied with today?”

Have you thought about what you did at work this week, what you accomplished, and what you felt good about most of all? I definitely need to retrain my thought from “get it done” to “appreciate what got done.” It will be a shift for me, but a welcome one. I know there are many days when I cross a ton of items off of my list, and then never remember all that I got done that day or week. Maybe we should all start “To-Do” and then move items to “Done” (whether you are old school and have paper lists, or via an app).

Here is to enjoying what got DONE!

How you deal with it

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It is summer. Yesterday it was 99 degrees in Portland. A random day of heat. Even though it is the beginning of July, we are still catching up on our DVR from shows we recorded months ago. One of the shows we are a bit behind on is: Californication. A bit of a different spin to this season. They are trying to introduce new characters, and while I have not been much of a fan of this season, an idea was shared in an episode that has me pondering life.

“This is what defines you; how you deal with it.”

So often we think about the legacy we leave behind whether in our job, our family, our friendships, or community. Yet, maybe we are thinking about it all wrong. Maybe we care more about what others think about some impact we made. “I accomplished [insert project name] faster and better than anyone else.” In the grand scheme of things does it really matter? Would you rather be remembered for how you treated others, how you dealt with each obstacle, each challenge, and each triumph? Would it be better if someone said: “They rocked this project because of HOW they were faster, better, different, smarter.” It is more descriptive. It speaks more to the qualities that allow us to be leaders, drivers, and changers of the status quo.

How you react. How you handle situations. How you deal. It all matters, and often is what others remember about us most. Were you empathetic, passionate, reactive, passive aggressive? Did you listen to them? Did you follow through with what you said? Were you distracted? As with a recent blog post on listening, how you respond and handle yourself and the situation you are in is how you make others feel. That is what is remembered. That is what defines you.

How do you want to be defined? How do you want to be remembered?

Being Open

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I am as transparent as they come. I have mentioned before that a colleague calls me “TMI” instead of Tami. Well jokingly at least. If you know me you know that I have few filters and I have no problem telling you what is on my mind. It might mean I offend folks at times, but honestly at least you know where you stand with me. Right? Part of being transparent means you have to be open. The funny thing is that is not always the easiest thing for me.

Why? I am a planner. I like to think things through, have backup plans, and ensure that I will be prepared for whatever might occur. My childhood of disconnected utilities, no food on the table, and no money in the bank probably made me overzealous about ensuring that I would never have to worry about the lack of electricity, food on the table, and to make sure my family never lacked the basic necessities. Those moments were integral to my development and extremely poignant as to who and how I am today.

So when I found this Daily Om: “Softening and Expanding” it resonated with me. I think often about being open and how Chris and I talk about it extensively, but that does not make it easy to do in our day-to-day life. Whether you believe in God, a higher power, or the universe, I do believe that there is something at play in our daily life that directs our thoughts. Being open allows us to let go of what we really want, and gives us the space to ask, “How can I best bless? What do I need to do today to be present and listen for which conversations to take part in, and when should I speak up?” I truly believe there is something (whatever you may call it) guiding us for what we need to know. Here is the excerpt I wanted to share from the Daily Om:

“In order to get what we want in life, we have to be willing to receive it when it appears, and in order to do that we have to be open. Often we go through life with defenses we developed early on in order to protect ourselves. These defenses act as barriers, walls we needed at one time to feel safe, but that now serve to shut out desired influences, like intimacy or love. So an essential part of being receptive to what we want is to soften these barriers enough to let those things in when they show up.”

How do you react or allow yourself to be open? Are you receptive to the voices that tell us not to react, not to respond, or to jump for joy at an opportunity?

Things could be worse

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“Things could be worse and things could be so much better.” This is a line from a Joshua Ferris book “To Rise Again at a Decent Hour.” I just finished reading it and am a bit baffled by it. I love, love, loved “The Unnamed.” This book was just not the same. Regardless of the verdict on his recent book, I loved this idea. How often do we go about our lives and think: “Oh what a crappy day, or week, or month, or year.” We wallow in the situation we are in, agonize over how we could be treated differently, or think that life is incredibly unfair. Yet, maybe things are going to get worse, or maybe they will be so much better.

I have blogged about an idea my sister shared with me when I was in elementary or middle school. She said: “Things can only get better.” They did eventually get better. I do not remember how long it took, or if there was a specific moment when things got better — but they did. Sometimes I think our personal hell eventually becomes foggy or gets smaller in our minds. Sort of when you drive away from something it gets smaller and smaller or further and further away. Either life shifts and the good outweighs the bad, or our focus on the good or the bad changes. Just as the line from the book says, we could always be worse off, and life can always be better than it is right now.

There are so many ways to look at it:

_You could say I did not get what I wanted, my life sucks.

_You can say I did not get what I wanted, and I know there is something even better out there for me.

_You could say I did not get what I wanted, but my life could be worse. I could have less than I have now. I know things could be better than they are right now, but I am just grateful for what I have right now.

Regardless of how you approach your situation, it is HOW we look at it and HOW we react to what is in front of us. Do we look at life with a glass half full or a glass half empty? When we are grateful for what we have in front of us right now, we are given the space to receive more. Are you filling your glass up, or running on low? Just remember, things could be worse.