Brené Brown

Vulnerable

Posted by

0

Vulnerability is the new black. Thanks to Brene Brown, more people are talking about vulnerability. I love the word in ways I never would have a few years ago. Why? Because it is making us more real. I dislike the dictionary definitions I found for vulnerable. Once you read Brene Brown’s book “Daring Greatly” you may just agree that we need to revise the definition. Most definitions talk about “being vulnerable to attack or harm.” Not too encouraging.

How about something about opening oneself up to the rawness and realness of life, to feel, act, and speak with openness? Ah, what would life be like if we said exactly what was on our mind all the time? We might know each other better, feel deeper, wonder what others think less. Would that be refreshing? I think so. So what holds us back from being vulnerable? Are we afraid of what others will think of us, or that we will offend another, or that we will put ourselves out there and it will not be reciprocated? All valid points, but are they enough to not make us just lay it all out there? Do we have too much to lose?

I am not going to say that it was ever easy to put my thoughts out there blunt and uncensored, but the more I have the easier it gets. Sometimes it can be messy. I can have an amazing evening with Chris and another couple and walk away thinking, “Did I say too much?” I often get a funny feeling inside that makes me revisit a conversation and I wonder what is making me circle through different moments of the night. Maybe I did say too much and maybe it was just right. Regardless, I was me in all my rawness. There is a bravery, an innocence, a transparency that comes with vulnerability. I will take that from someone any day. It means I am truly getting to see that other person. In happiness, tears, fear, you get to witness them for who they are in that moment.

By being vulnerable, we feel deeper, we form stronger connections, and we are all changed in the end. It is a risk, but I think it is worth it. Are you willing to take that risk and start being more vulnerable?

Give a little love…

Posted by

0

Love. Love. Love. Giving a little love is never too late. I believe that love is truly the answer to so many problems. For those that are depressed, angry, or lost love could be the answer.

Most of the time when we struggle in life, when we feel loved, appreciated, and seen we find the answers we need. If that is true, what could we do to share love more each and every day? What could you do with your family, at work, with your friends? If we knew that sharing love in everything we do could transform others, would we do it? Would you? If it breaks boundaries and removes miscommunications, would you lead the way with love? If you said yes, then how do we do it? I love this quote from Brene Brown:

“We cultivate love when we allow our most vulnerable and powerful selves to be deeply seen and known.”

The idea of being vulnerable and showing our true selves has been a recent inspiration to me. If we show our true selves in the most raw and real way, how can love not surround us? Are we afraid that it will not? It is not possible. Love is always around us, we just need to stop and witness it. Most of the time, love is surrounding us in ways we cannot imagine. We just need to open our eyes, look around, and appreciate it. A few friends shared this on Valentines Day and I wanted to share it. When you watch it, I hope it reminds you that love is there each moment of your day.

You have to look at the crap

Posted by

0

I just finished reading Brene Brown’s book: “The Gift of Imperfection.” After reading her book: “Daring Greatly” I was curious about her other books and wanted to see how they compared, and what I might learn in the process. “The Gift of Imperfection” does not at all compare to Daring Greatly (which I loved) but I still found some helpful ideas and inspiration. Brown has definitely evolved as a writer with each book.

One idea that really resonated with me was about looking at all the crap in our lives. So often we want to look at everything with sunshine and rainbows and the reality of life is that it is not always happy, perfect, and straightforward. We often have to take a trowel and dig into the past, or rake through the distractions that are blocking us from seeing our true purpose in life. When I read this quote from Brown the other day, I realized how right she is:

“We don’t change, we don’t grow, and we don’t move forward without the work. If we really wanted to live a joyful, connected, and meaningful life, we must talk about things that get in the way.” Page 35

We want the easy way out. We like to cut corners, get there faster, check the box off the list. That is not the way it works though. We have to do the work. We have to look at our dark places, what makes us angry, and what makes us react. All the different nuances and challenges in our life that rub us the wrong way, make us feel injustice, or just get in the way of who we are on the good days. If we use the trowel and rake, maybe, just maybe, it will mean that more of our days are happy and on purpose.

With poise, zeal, and excitement together we can look at the dark stuff in our life, our fears, questions, and all the crap that we push under our beds, into our closets, or the trunk of our car. The stuff we avoid to look at because we are scared of what it will tell us. Afraid of what we will learn about ourselves. Open the door, the trunk, and get under the bed and pull out the dust bunnies, and stinky socks, and let’s look at our dark places, talk about them, and see where it takes us.

I am excited to start talking about the things that are getting in my way. Maybe, I will share a few here. You will have to come back and see.

My Favorite Books of 2012

Posted by

0

Last year I mentioned in this post my favorite books of 2011. It is time to look back to my favorite books of 2012. They are in no specific order (well except for Daring Greatly). That is still my favorite book of 2012, and I encourage everyone to read it. The links with the books below do not take you to Amazon to explore the book, but rather are my past blog posts sharing more about how I connected with the specific book:

Each of these books touched my heart in some way. Whether by the story line, the ideas shared, the humanity I felt, the writing, or that I felt like a different person after reading each of them. They brought me to a different place, made me grateful for all that I have in my life, and made me want more out of life. I love that you can learn more about yourself just by popping the spine of a book. A simple pleasure in such a complicated, technically charged, and intertwined world.

What are your favorite books of 2012?

Do we have to be perfect?

Posted by

3

I have always thought of myself as “Type-A” or a perfectionist. Some words I have used to describe myself have been: anal, particular, and needing to have things a certain way. To a point, these words do describe me. However, I am not neurotic about it. I just want things to go well. I want to do my best. I want things to look good, and happen as planned. Is that so bad?

So when I read the section on perfection in “Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead” by Brene Brown (the book which I blogged about last week). I was in awe. I was wowed. It shifted me to have an ah-ha moment and look at myself differently. All of these years I have thought of myself as a perfectionist, and yet all I have ever really wanted is to have excellence shine through. Anything my name was attached to, well I wanted it to be good. Wikipedia states that perfectionism is: “striving for flawlessness and setting excessively high performance standards, accompanied by overly critical self-evaluations and concerns regarding others’ evaluations.” After reading that description and Brown’s book, I realize I am not that into being perfect. Which is why I love this specific line from Brown’s book:

“Perfectionism is not the same thing as striving for excellence.” Page 128

I feel as though a boulder has been thrown off. It makes me not feel so nit picky about myself. If I try hard, do my best, and the outcome is good, then that is my own excellence. I have never wanted it to be flawless, as that is too picky to me. Besides, we learn more from making mistakes. Perfection is not everything.

How have I lived this long and just now learned this about myself? What a revelation! Does Brown’s quote resonate with you?