Chris

It always brings a smile to my face when someone is doing something they love. It is different for everyone. Someone I work with loves to cook, and you see a smile spread across their face as they describe their art in the kitchen. Someone else, might love to go for a run each day, it clears their head and grounds them. For another it might be getting dirt under their fingernails in their garden, or curling up in the bath or bed with a good book.

We are not moving but Chris still loves checking out the new houses that are on the market. Redfin is one of the websites he frequents. Sometimes it is to find out that another home that is smaller and older is selling for more than we purchased ours for, meaning good news to our property values. Other times he finds an idea we can use for our house, by exploring the photos from a house that is for sale. It could be the way someone has landscaped their yard, or decorated a room, or the finishing touches with paint or fixtures that gets him inspired. I love his excitement and interest, especially when we have decided we are not moving for a long time.

We all have things we love, and some are out in the open and some might be secret. I cleared it with Chris so he is okay that I have shared his Redfin addiction. I have a list of things (outside of work of course) that I love. A good hard run (with a good book), a good cup of coffee (with a good book), exploring new places and the trickle effect of new inspiration that is the result of new ideas. So many things that I love. Being there for a good friend, breakthrough moments, amazing food that is good for you (versus crap food that is bad for you). Snuggles in a bed that you never want to leave.

Chris has other things he loves, but I often see a grin form on his face and a “Hey, I want to show you this house.” We geek out, we think about house prices, and we explore how a cool room could transpose in our place. House nerds? Maybe. But, we love it. Chris is a foodie, a design buff, and is looking at the latest growler, the newest Kickstarter hip campaign, or the latest “Uncrate” find. We like new things, we love amazing food, and we always want to try something different (well most of the time).

What are those normal, or maybe strange things you do, that make you happy each day?

Softness. It is a word I have not thought about extensively. Growing up I saw my mom as the quieter type, my dad often rolled right over her, I am not sure he listened to her. In college I eventually found my voice, and then I resolved to make sure my voice stayed strong. I never wanted to be walked all over. However, recently I have been thinking about taking a step away from that strong voice. Not that I will lose the strength, but that I will be more aware of the volume, and the frequency.

I often think that thoughts and ideas come to us when we are ready to hear them. I am gradually (while reading other books) getting near the end of Kristin Armstrong’s “Work in Progress,” which I wrote about in the blog post: “The grace that grounded me.” I came across this quote on softness. It was an aha moment for me.

“Softness is sweeter and more direct route to resolution, every time. Please note that by softness I do not mean wimpiness. Softness is not some puny form of compliance. It is speaking your truth without malice or apology. It is staking a claim without fanfare or unnecessary noise. It gets the job done with elegance.” page 50-51

How many times have you been on the phone with your insurance company, or bank and are so incredibly frustrated that you get nasty? I am definitely one to raise my hand here. Chris is such a great example to me of what I would call a quiet strength. He is not rude or wimpy, but he is gentle and kind with those that he interacts with in these situations. I lose my patience easily and get frustrated. Take just yesterday, I had to call my insurance company back. I had spoken to them on March 31, and their fix to my claim was supposed to take 5-7 days, and then they were going to call me back. It has been 21 days and still no resolution. The response I received when I called is that my claim is getting reprocessed and it will take another 5-10 days for one aspect and then another 10 days for a different part. Seriously? So I think it should be resolved by the middle of May. As annoyed as I was I chose softness. I was kind and not frustrated with the customer service representative. Although I did tell her I did not have much confidence in hearing from them since I did not receive any communication in the first 5-7 days like I was originally told.

Why am I sharing this with you? I took the route of softness. I did not get nasty with them. I have a short amount of patience with companies that say they will do one thing and do not follow through with their promise. Additionally I have a small amount of patience for individuals that say they will do one thing and then do not do it. And, at the end of the day, it is not the fault of the customer service representative that I spoke with that her company has such extensive processing times. Why ruin her day?

I know there are other areas of my life where I could be softer. Firm, yes. Strong, yes. Yet, still bring softness to the situation. So often frustration gets in the way and our words are lost amidst anger and impatience. What if we lead with a softer side? I am going to try to focus more on flexing my softer side.

Let’s make softness cool again.