love

Feed your goodness

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Goodness. Somedays it is hard to see it. Somedays are a struggle and it is harder to see the goodness in our lives. I ebb and flow with reminding myself that I need to focus on the good that is all around me. Usually when I have a moment of struggle and frustration I go down on my knees and am reminded of all that I have, all the goodness that surrounds me each and every day. Those moments of gratitude helps me to see what I am forgetting. Those moments remind us of the bigger picture.

Recently, I came across this excerpt from Elizabeth Gilbert (Eat, Pray, Love)’s Facebook page:

“The other day, the great author and sociologist Brené Brown (my sweet friend!) was asked, “What do you know for sure?”
She replied: “Fear is dangerous. But people are good.”
The evidence that people are good can be found all around us.
The evidence that fear is dangerous can also be found all around us — particularly because of the terrible things that fear makes people do (both to themselves and to each other.)
We all live amidst fear and goodness — and their consequences.
We are all composed of both fear and goodness.
You have a choice. Every moment of the day, you have choices.
You can follow your goodness, not your fear.
You can feed your goodness, not your fear.
You can support and encourage the goodness of others, rather than preying upon their fears or adding to their fears.
To choose goodness over fear is the single most life-affirming path a human being can ever possibly take.”

It was a good reminder for me. There is goodness in watching my niece do things for the first time. There is goodness in my day-to-day world. My marriage, my job, my family, friends, and home. Lots of good is happening around me. We all have a choice to decide to see the goodness or not. I choose to see the goodness. I choose to be happy. I choose goodness, not fear. That does not mean that I do not have fear. I do fear, but if I can focus on the good, it means I am seeing the light, not the darkness.

Do you choose light or darkness? Good or fear?

He is my person

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I am addicted. Yes, I am absolutely wholeheartedly addicted to my husband. Chris is my person. Today marks 11 years to the day that we decided to begin this crazy adventure together through health challenges, fun trips, job changes, family ups and downs, moves, money woes, dreams come true, and most importantly day-to-day bliss. He is the person I want to call, the one I want to yell at when I am frustrated, the one I want to soothe when his world is turned upside down. While I have only known him for just over 13 years, and it often feels like 25 years, I really cannot imagine a day without hearing his voice.

Call me a sap, call me whooped (he would say the same) but I hate traveling without him, or having days when I cannot feel the comfort of his arms around me whether to celebrate an amazing day or to say we will get through this together. He is my travel companion when I am the crabby one on an airplane (I get so bored and restless), on a road trip, or when I am stuck somewhere and have to pee. He keeps me fed and knows when I am on that tipping point between hungry and ravenous (the difference of great extremes).

Together we decided very early (prior to marriage) that we would only bring good to those around us. That our relationship was not only about each of us as individuals, and what that would mean to be together and be a family, but what our collective and shared world would mean for those that we are around. Meaning that our relationship would uplift and bless those around us, whether through our example of love, our support of others, or in elevating the thought of those around us. Together we take a stand small or large for what we believe in – in hopes that it means that others benefit by the work we do whether professionally, in the community, and in our personal lives.

I never take Chris for granted. Every day I cherish him for what he is, what I learn from him, and how we continue to grow together. I never tire of sharing him with others, lighting up when I talk about him, and spending every day with him. Happy “love you so much every day” – day.

He is my person.

Head out of the clouds

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We talk about random acts of kindness and how we do not always know the impact we have made on another’s life. We might pay for the coffee of the person behind us at Starbucks, or let someone go ahead of us in line at the grocery store. We may never see that individual again, and we never know if our small act has made an impact on their day. We don’t do it to say, “I did this.” Instead, we do it out of love, we do it to be selfless, we do it to lighten another’s load.

Often, I am deep in my thoughts, a zillion to-do lists cascading through my mind as I walk, drive, or scurry from point A to B. Yet, as I check items off the list, and add new items, I may miss opportunities to help another. I could always be more aware of what is happening around me. How often do you notice someone in need, and yet keep walking because you think, “I do not have time to stop.” or “I have too much to do to think about how to help.” I get it, as I am sure we all have those days, but has that become the norm that we are too busy to stop?

When I saw this video (in Thai, with subtitles), I immediately thought, if only we all could be more like this man, the world would be a better place. I know I often write about awareness, helping others, and gratitude, but each time I find a new idea I always want to share it. Repeating similar message in different ways allows us each to open our thoughts to new ways of thinking. Each are new reminders on how to lead better lives. My hope is the ideas that inspire me, will only then inspire others. So watch this man share of himself and hopefully be inspired.

We each could probably be better about keeping our head out of the clouds. Together lets notice more of what is happening around us. It might help us to see that all those lists are of small importance to what is happening around us.

Valentine’s Day: Every Damn Day

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Roses are red, violets are blue, I have something to say, yes, I am not a fan of Valentine’s Day. Aw hell I am not a poet, I cannot write poetry, and…

…I have never been a fan of Valentine’s Day. It probably started back in younger years when our schools would do a Valentine’s Gram delivery of roses + candy, and you always wondered whether or not you would receive one, whether it was from a friend, or a boy. I have high expectations, just ask Chris. On our first Valentine’s Day (I cannot remember if it was while dating or our first married Valentine’s Day), Chris was traveling and sent me flowers. They were tulips and when I opened the box, the flowers were dead. It was not Chris’ fault, but I was livid. I remember being quite clear that he never “send” me flowers again. He has honored my request.

Why does it make me happy to not receive flowers on Valentine’s Day by my amazing husband? On that very first Valentine’s Day together, I very clearly remember discussing it with him and telling him how much I detest Hallmark holidays. I just am not a fan. Why should corporate America tell us when we should shop, spend money, and love on our loved ones? It is bullshit. EVERYDAY should be a day that we love and pamper our loved ones. It does not mean that we have to give gifts, in fact I am actually not interested in gifts. I care more about how we treat, care, and love each other every single day of the year.

So, Chris and I do not celebrate Valentine’s Day. Yes, we might make a fun dinner together, and spend time together, but we do that every night that we possibly can. Yes, call us sappy, but see I still feel like I am in my honeymoon phase. I get excited to see my husband at the end of the day, and can text him near the end of the day to ask “when can we leave so I can see you, and oh, what is for dinner.” We might not have a relationship that is like many others, and we do not yet have kids, but we are close, tight, and well-connected. There are days that I worry about what bringing kids into the mix will do to our marriage, and I know it will be different, tough, precious, and make us grow in different ways. I digress, I still completely dislike Valentine’s Day. Who wants to fight over a table at a restaurant and pay double the price for a meal just so you can say you took out your loved one on Valentine’s Day? Why not do that once a month, or week? Why not find different ways to keep that love alive regardless of it being February 14?

So I veto Valentine’s Day, instead I think every damn day is Valentine’s Day. Every day should be about doting, loving, and finding ways to make the world better for your loved one. Love them so damn much. Hug them hard, cuddle with them, and do not, I repeat, DO NOT forget to tell how them how much you love them EVERY DAMN DAY.

Love in your heart

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We all struggle with others. Somedays are better than others. You know when a sibling, or co-worker bug you or just get on your nerves. We agonize over what happened yesterday, or the conversation we overheard. It often leads to different thoughts, not always good ones that cross our mind. We judge, question, and ponder what happened.

ImageProxyWhat if we took a step back and loved them anyways? Of course you probably love your sibling, but that does not mean we always hold love in our hearts for them. There is a difference. They might get on your nerves one day, and just because you love them does not mean the thoughts you think of them are ones of love, goodness, or happiness. So, what if you let go of what happened and hold only good thoughts for them? What would that do for you?

There have been days I have tried this, to just let go of what happened, and think only good thoughts about the person that has frustrated me. It is not easy. So often we want to saturate ourselves in the experience we had, the way we were treated or wronged, and we want to hold a grudge. What if we were bigger than that? What if we wallowed for just a second, and then let it go and moved on with our life? We could then free space in our mind and thoughts for good. Just as the quote to the left states…”the more you will establish good in yourself.”

I am going to try it this week. Thinking about the thoughts I think towards others, and deciding to let go of the crap, and think of the good. Others deserve that from us, and is it not what you would want from others?