Co-Pilots, Co-Parents, Co…

Posted by random olio

I have been thinking a lot lately about the term: “co-pilot.” It is applicable to so many parts of our life. Our spouse or partner is our co-pilot, whether that means in how you parent, deal with your family, or even how you support each other. Using the term co-pilot is not meant to confuse you. In flight terms the co-pilot is second in command to the pilot. Remove that notion from your thought right now, and think of co-pilot as it is defined. “Co” meaning joint or mutually. Are you with me so far?

Think of it in the realm of parenting. If one parent is always the pushover and the other is always the firm one it can cause issues with the kids (not that I have kids and truly can speak to it but just stay with me for a second or two). Going back to pilots. In order for those pilots to fly that plane (all modern conveniences aside) is that they have to be mutually connected to the task at hand. They have to know what the other is responsible for during the flight, so that they do not override each other and potentially create turmoil for their passengers. Just like if parents communicate and are on the same page, it creates a much clearer message for children to follow. Still with me?

It also translates to a work environment. Many individuals have to share a role with a peer, or co-lead a team. In order for that team to run smoothly they need to communicate clearly with each other, make sure they are on the same page, ensure there is clarity of roles, and then execute based on what is mutually agreed upon. If one individual does not communicate with the other, it can lead to resentment, frustration, and have a trickle down effect to the rest of the team. The same goes for marriage: clear communication, clarity of roles, and follow through with what was agreed upon. Quite simple right?

See how many areas of our lives we have to share responsibilities and be very clear on what end result we are driving towards? Yes, I am making it simple, and it actuality is an intricate web of personal dynamics, differences of opinion, and emotions that can lead to a multitude of responses and outcomes. Yet, if we just go back to the idea of “co” and make sure that we are making choices that are mutual, joint, and inclusive we might begin to weave a cohesive, strong, and unflappable thread in our marriage, family, and work environments.

Start with “co.”

Has this gone too far?

Posted by random olio

Seriously? An iPad potty training chair. What has the world come to? While I do not have kids, I have worked with plenty of children, (daycare and babysitting) who were being potty trained. A good book often did the trick. I am sure there are a zillion ways to engage a child, and train them, as well as a zillion ways children respond. They are all different right? Yet, have we gone too far with an iPad potty chair?

My mind has visions of children growing up in grade school, high school, college, and then in the workforce, that can only do their business while holding an iPad. I mean I already have a husband that does his business with the news on his iPhone, and if that is dead, the default is a magazine. I am also an offender, I catch up on Candy Crush in the bathroom. (The only place I am truly a captive audience). No, I am not ashamed to tell you that I give a few mind-numbing moments of my day to Candy Crush.

Having said all that, I cannot even remember how I was potty trained, most likely I was given a book and told to come out when I was done. If we start early with iPads on toilets, where does that lead us? Does that become a security blanket? Why are we not teaching kids to come up with dreams, tell stories, sing songs, read stories, as well as teach them to sit and be. Maybe that form of meditation on the potty is just what the little tykes need in this non-stop, technology seeking world.

What do you think?

#saynotoiPadsonpotties

Start young: play money, toy cash register

Posted by random olio

As more and more people around me have babies it makes me think about kids more and more. There are so many things to think about: car seats, cribs, bassinets, strollers, names, kinds of diapers, bottles, the list goes on. As they get a bit older the list shifts a bit to other very important ideals that a couple should, for the most part, agree upon in how they want to raise their kids.

When I recently came across this article on how to teach your kids about money it made me think, wow everyone should be starting very early in how they want to approach money with their kids. I was talking to a colleague just the other day. Yes, I can tell you this now, and it is possible that I have no idea what I am talking about! We were discussing how expensive it is to raise a kid these days, let alone thinking about paying for them to go to college. I paid my own way through college. I was in a work/study program, and I worked outside of that too. My parents could not afford to pay for college for any of their three kids. While it would have definitely been nice to have it paid for, it taught me a lot about money, about growing up, and about taking responsibility for my decisions. I probably would not have worked as hard to learn if I was not paying for it.

Now that does not mean that I will not help my future kid(s) out with college, but I want to do it in a way that helps them grow, learn, and understand what their decisions mean financially. Too often, I think parents write a check and walk away, and that does not help their kids learn about life. The above article starts with ages 2-5 on how you can use play money and play “store” together. Oh how I remember the plastic cash register I had when I was little. I loved watching the coins come down the side like it used to at the grocery store. Toy cash registers today I believe have scanners and credit card swipers. Oh well. Parents could still teach the value of money, and include a bit about how someone has to pay for what is put on that credit card.

Start young. Whenever we begin having kids I know I will start young too. I think conversations about wants, needs, and money help kids know and appreciate all that they have in the world. It does not have to be in a way of shame, but from a place of abundance and gratitude.

Warning: This may make you cry.

Posted by random olio

Yes, it brought tears to my eyes. And, yes, I have mentioned before that I do not cry often, but sometimes the little things bring tears to my eyes. It is usually when I am moved by something unusual. I do not often think about regrets from my life, but there is one thing that I think about usually every Christmas. It is a random item, but it is something I wish I still had. Each year around Christmas we would make different Christmas cookies and treats to have leading up to Christmas Day. Some we would give to other friends and families as gifts and some were for us. Whatever was still left on Christmas Eve I would leave out for Santa with a glass of egg nog and write him a letter.

While I cannot remember how old I was, or when it happened, eventually I knew that my dad ate the cookies and drank the egg nog. See, my dad had atrocious handwriting. Which is why I did not have to be Encyclopedia Brown to figure out it was him. You are probably wondering where I am going with this story. Well, the few years after my mom passed on, my dad was going through some rough times and we were not in close touch. While going through my mom’s things and knowing we had to get rid of as much as possible or pay to store it, I got rid of those letters. Partly because of space and partly because my dad and I were not so close at the time.

Throughout high school and college, and when I was away during summers I never got letters from my dad. These letters from Santa could potentially tell me a bit about my dad and what ideals, inspiration, and thoughts he wanted to share with me through the voice of Santa. They are gone. So when I saw this video for Extra gum, the tears came to my eyes. The gum wrapper origami birds would have been my letters from Santa.

Any tears? If so, call your dad, or your mom, or whoever you thought about while watching. That very person who made you feel loved.

Sometimes you have to drop your pride

Posted by random olio

Even if a novel is not a true story, sometimes there is a character that gets under your skin, and makes their way into your heart. I just finished reading “Outside the Lines” by Amy Hatvany. It is a story about a girl who is trying to find her father. When she was ten he left because of his mental issues. He could not stay on his medications because it numbed him, but could not function without his medication. She is 30 and trying to find her father 20 years later. This excerpt made me think of my own dad:

“‘I’m useless,’ he cried. ‘Totally useless. I’m a terrible father. I’m a terrible painter. I should just leave…you’d be better off without me. Everyone would.’ He shoved his face in his hands, making it awkward to keep him in my embrace. I could feel his tears drip down on my forearm. His pain bled into me, pushing through my skin. It made my stomach clench. He only used to cry once in a while, now it was happening all the time.” page 39

Dad rarely cried. He would call me every few weeks when I was in college. Instead of short frequent conversations, they would be three agonizing hours. I could not get him to stop talking to me. Maybe that is why it is hard for me to finish a conversation today, and why I feel guilty walking away, even if I am late for another engagement. I never knew how to get my dad off the phone. Maybe I felt that staying on the phone with him would make things different for him. Or better.

The final years of his life were not great for my father. Looking back it makes me sad to think about his loneliness. Those late night phone calls, when I should have been studying, made me feel like the parent. It definitely made me a better listener. He would tell me about the construction jobs he was working on, and the clients he liked, and those he did not. He would talk about his siblings, and whether he was in touch with them. We talking about my siblings and whether he was in touch with them. He would talk about his dreams, and where he wanted to take his life. He hoped that things would come through for him, and if they did he was going to find a better place to live, or eventually replace his old blue truck. Sometimes he was in a good mood and would tell me how proud he was of me, other times he would be so down in the dumps that I knew my words of affirmation would not sail into his ears, they would just float through the mouthpiece of my phone and out the ear of his phone.

My mom was dead. He missed her. Even though they divorced a few years before she passed on, I knew he still loved her. Even if they fought and argued, you could still see the love they had for each other. His work life was hard, back-breaking work and he was not getting any breaks. He longed to be able to pay his bills, and have something be easy in life. My sister and I encouraged him over and over again to get a job working for someone else for the knowledge that he would have a regular paycheck and health benefits, but that was not my dad. From as far back as I could remember my dad did not take orders from anyone. This meant the last thing he would do is work for someone else. I do not think he truly understood that sometimes when things are tough it is better to drop your pride, be good, collect a paycheck and put your feet up at the end of the week.

What he may not know is that I learned from his example. I have a bit of him in the “do your own thing” in me, but I also appreciate what it means to know you have a secure job, health benefits, and someone who might just rub your feet at the end of the week. It is not something to take for granted.