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Another year has gone by and Sunday is, yet again, another Mother’s Day. I am still not yet a mother myself. Each year, I have a bit of nostalgia and a bit of numbness for a day that comes each year. It has been 19 years since I have celebrated Mother’s Day with my mom. It is hard to believe that it has been almost two decades. How is that even possible? I struggle with the concept that I have spent more of my life without my mom then I ever spent with her in my life.

my mama

Has it made me independent? Hell yeah. Has it made me miss her? Hell yeah. I have often been asked by others: “What is the hardest part about losing a loved one?” Many think it is the days and weeks surrounding their passing. Yes, that part is hard. What is harder? The months later. For a child, it might be a future “bring mom to school” day. For a teenager, it might be going to prom and wishing their mom was there to see them off, or wishing their loved one was there to watch them receive their diploma. Whatever the situation, it can be incredibly hard months and often years later when the depths of pain and sadness rip you apart in ways you never expected.

I can tell you this from experience. The day before my wedding, Chris and I made the decision to get married — just the two of us on a beach in Hawaii. It felt so right for us to start this stage of our life together, just us saying our vows together. No fluff, no commitments to others, just two lives joining together. That day, before we got married, I got sad. I had no idea I would miss my mom so much. Just thinking about it almost ten years later I have tears streaming down my face. I wanted her to be able to watch me with pride join my life with Chris, and yet I had no idea her absence would be so hard for me until that moment when I was preparing for my special day.

Chris might have thought my oddness that day meant I was afraid of getting married and that I might back out of our wedding. Yet, I was not afraid of marrying Chris, I was just sad. I had no idea the absence of my mom would hit me so hard on such a happy time in my life. I do not remember if I missed my dad that day, only that my mom should have been there and watched me marry this wonderful man.

Happy Mother’s Day, mom. I hope you can see all that I have become in life and all that I have. I am a grateful daughter with so much to be thankful for every day. Life has not always been easy, but I have learned so much along the way. It has made me speak up, say what is on my mind (whether Chris likes it or not) and I think you would be proud.

We each had someone in our life that very clearly taught us things that we will always remember. My father taught me about respect. It was important to him. Although he sometimes had a funny way of showing his respect to others, (he was not always respectful) we were taught how to respect him. I guess you could say that he taught me what to do and what not to do by his actions.

My father showed us to respect our elders, the things in our home, or the things that we owned and how we should take care of them. In his own way, he maybe made me into a bit of a perfectionist. Since I grew up poor, I did not have many things that many others had. The things I did have I cherished, and took excellent care of them. That has carried through my life to my home, and those comfort items I own today. I think there were multiple people in my life that taught me about having respect for myself. You can tell this by how you react to the way others treat you.

Sometimes I think when another individual is not respectful, it actually starts with them not respecting themselves. Each encounter we have with someone else is a learning experience, and teaches us how we can be better individuals, and how we can treat others better. Whether it is a work situation, or something with a family or friend. Each time you are direct, clear, and say what you need to, it helps for that next time when you might need to speak up and stand up for yourself or another person.

Due to the fact that respect was ingrained into my thinking at a young age, this initiative by “Futures without Violence” resonated with me. It is called: “The Respect Challenge” and asks for individuals to contribute to the question: Who taught you Respect? You will want to check out this video, and I encourage you to submit your answer to their question.