It’s not you, it’s me

We don’t always get what we want.

People come into and out of our life and sometimes we do not have a choice. At times their lives are too busy for us, or maybe we are too busy for them. Often we do not know why we no longer connect, hear from, or are a priority for others. There might not be a malicious reason, life happens, shit happens. Maybe the famous line: “It’s not you, it’s me” really is true in friendships and working relationships. I have had a few frustrating conversations over the past week and I continue to wonder, was it me, or was it them? Should I have handled things differently? Should I have been more patient, or more direct?

When we do not receive direct feedback from others, the “It’s not you, it’s me” line does not answer our questions. We might agonize over whether we have alienated someone, pissed them off, or made them feel tiny. Sometimes we will never know what we did (or did not do in a situation). Our agony is not really worth the time, especially if we never receive answers to our questions. We must move on and continue towards what is next.

There were a few individuals that I especially was looking forward to having in my life in the near future. Sometimes the roads that we think will meet are just a mirage, we dream of where they could lead, and somehow when we get closer to where we think they meet, we realize it was all just our eyes playing tricks on us. Or maybe we allowed our mind to dream and wonder where this moment in our life could take us. Whether it was not meant to be, or it was not meant to be at this moment in our life. We can be grateful for what we learned in the process. I know that sounds cliché, but really each step we take, leads us to the next opportunity that awaits us. We just might not see it clearly at first. I am having such moments. Was it me, or was it them? What I thought I would see on the other side is different from what I am seeing now. I have to clear my mind and be open for the true picture that is before me.

Definitely not easy, but maybe the true adventure is not knowing what we will see on the other side. Maybe when our imagination runs wild, we can put a picture together and even when it does not turn out like our dreams, sometimes when we wait patiently and long enough the end result is better than we can ever imagine. I am willing to wait, maybe less patiently over time, but I have seen it before and I know my imagination is sometimes not large enough for what is possible.

Keep your mind open to the possibilities.

People amaze me.

Posted by random olio

I am a people person. I am fascinated by other individuals. What makes them tick. What inspires them. What makes them do the things they do (whether good or bad). Really each of us have our own modus operandi — and that is what I care about understanding. I want to know what fuels people to live their lives. What creates a fire in a person, what calls forth their badass self.

Due to the fact that people amaze me, I have also been called out for staring. Yes, I stare. I want to learn everything I can about someone. From what they wear to their accent, to how they treat others, to how they get the job done, to how they relax. It all matters to me. Ever last bit. I learn a lot from others. Sometimes it is poise, other times leadership, sometimes it is patience, or passion, or humor, but I believe that everyone is on this earth to teach us something. Often we do not even know what it is they are here to teach us, but we know that they are meant to be in our life for a reason.

What if we tried to suck the learnings from every individual we encounter each and everyday? We could learn a lot. Not just what we want to be and do, but what we do not want to be and do. I learned a lot from my parents and how I did not want to live my life. Maybe that has made me more cautious and maybe that has meant that I have often taken the safe route, but what I experienced with them meant that I had a life with constant unknowns (food, electricity, etc). All I wanted was to know that I would have the basic essentials every day. If I have that now, then generally speaking I am good to go.

Can you tell that about people? Can you tell what they need? Is it words of affirmation? Patience for their life situation? Humor to get them through the day? Whatever it may be, we each need something different. We each are amazing, and need each other to be our best selves. How are you helping someone else be amazing today?

A great relationship is like a great financial portfolio

Posted by random olio

Last night I had a much-needed night with a good friend. A night away from the normal day-to-day to reconnect and be reminded of what is really important. An interesting analogy was brought up during our conversation about how a great relationship is like a great financial portfolio. Ponder this with me:

_You get what you put into it. Think of it like a mutual fund or an IRA. If you continue to feed and put money into the account it will continue to grow for you. If you leave it, and never watch or nurture it then it will sit and never do anything. The same is true for relationships – whether a friendship, or a romantic relationship, you get back what you put into it. Think about how you are investing, whether financial or personal.

_Over time your investment grows. I think of the friendships that I have had over time. Some continue to grow and others have a strange nostalgia that make us want to hold on to what we remember. Sort of like keeping money in a savings account. These days it does not really matter how much money you have in a savings account, you are not going to get much return on your investment. The friendships and financial accounts that are worth keeping will grow for us over time. Those that we no longer benefit from should be divested from our lives.

_Never put your eggs in one basket. You always want to make sure you diversify your friendships and your financial portfolio. It does not mean you must have a ton of friends. You can have a few that are deep and important relationships, but make sure you do not limit yourself. Shit happens, and sometimes that means that putting our eggs in one basket can devastate our future, whether pertaining to finances or our relationships. Diversify your friendships, so that you have different support mechanisms when something or someone fails you.

_Be grateful for what you have. Regardless of how many friends you have, or how amazing your romantic relationships are, be grateful for what you have right in front of you. We forget that our lives are often so much better than we can ever imagine, we just forget to look at the shiny spots. I imagine we all can be more thankful for the wealth we have in our life, whether via relationships or finances.

A happy evening, with much food for thought pondering ideas of wealth, gratitude, and all that we have right in front of us. Hopefully this makes you think about how you fuel your finances and relationships.

Random recipe: Three Ingredient Fudge Bites

Posted by random olio

I love finding a dessert recipe that is free of white sugar and is mostly good for you. Oh, and of course that tastes good. We recently found a recipe that has three ingredients. Chocolate chips, coconut milk and coconut oil. That is it. Hard to believe, but they are oh so good and of course rich too. With just the two of us, we split the recipe in half (below is the full recipe). Even then it took us a few days to finish them. We topped a few with shredded coconut, a few others with coarse salt, and left some plain. My favorite was the coarse salt. It added just the needed amount of salt to cut the richness.

The Easiest 3-Ingredient Fudge Bites

YIELD: 24 fudge bites
TOTAL TIME: 1 hour 15 minutes

3 cups semisweet chocolate chips (dairy free, if needed)
3/4 cup full-fat coconut milk
2 tablespoons coconut oil

Directions:

Place the chocolate chips in a large bowl.
Combine the coconut milk and coconut oil in a small pan, and bring to a boil, whisking occasionally to ensure the coconut oil melts fully, and the milk warms evenly.
Pour the hot coconut milk/oil mixture over the chips, and let sit for 2 minutes. Whisk until totally smooth.
Line a mini muffin pan with liners, and grease liberally. Fill each liner to the top (a heaping tablespoon of the chocolate).
Sprinkle sea salt on top (or any of the other toppings listed below). If using caramel, drizzle 1/2 teaspoon on each fudge bite, and use a toothpick to swirl.
Freeze (1 hour) or refrigerate (2-3 hours) until set.

You can store your finished fudge bites in the fridge or freezer. As you may guess, storing them in the fridge makes them a little softer, and the freezer makes them slightly firmer. They never freeze. They will melt if left out on the countertop.

The chocolate chips are key to the quality of the fudge, so use Ghirardelli or Guittard (if not vegan), or Enjoy Life (if vegan).

Optional Toppings

Sea salt
Salted Caramel
Chopped nuts
Flaked coconut

Let me know what you think!

Seriously, a phone ATM?

Posted by random olio

I got the strangest email from Redbox over the weekend. I actually thought it was a delayed April Fools message. Basically it was announcing “EcoATM.” No it is not a new form of an ATM machine, it is a kiosk that allows you to sell your old cell phone back. Complete with videos that show how you are given a sticker, have to put your driver’s license into the machine (and hope it does not get stuck), place the sticker on the back of the phone and they will proceed to send in your phone and confirm the amount you get paid. If you want, you can allow the proceeds of your phone go to the charity of your choice.

Why does it seem so strange to me? Sure, I am grateful that it is another way for folks to be paid in hopes that their phone does not end up in a landfill, but would you go to a kiosk and submit your phone (while also returning your Redbox movies at the neighbor kiosk). It just seems very unlikely. It feels rather cheesy actually.

It looks like all the local kiosks are in very strange suburbs. Ones that are not on the normal beaten path, almost as though they have purposely launched in obscure locations. You can even “price your device” by selecting your model and phone provider and they will let you know the range of what you can expect to receive back.

I still think it is odd. Maybe because Chris and I have found that we can make so much more selling our old phones on eBay. I am not sure if the “sell your phone” kiosk is a sustainable business model. I suppose we go through phones much faster than we used to. So if they can cover picking up phones and clean up of kiosks, and then sell them for 50% more, then maybe it is sustainable. I guess we have gone from kiosk movies, to coin exchange, to selling phones. What is next?

Would you use it?