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Hug it out, release, remember that you are loved.

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I used to be an intense hugger. Well, I still am, but I used to be with lots of people, now I am a lot more selective. Maybe time and the world has made me less of a hugger, but I remember as a very small child that I would hug with a fierceness and not let go. I am not sure what that was all about, but I can visually remember being a hardcore hugger. What happened? Did I learn that I had to be careful who I hugged? Did I not get hugs in return? I am not completely sure, but I know something shifted in my life and I became more aware and cautious about my hugging. Part of it saddens me. Why?

A hug is a wonderful thing. It can completely change a moment. You can be angry with your spouse, disagree, and they can encompass you with their entire body into a hug and it can make all the anger and frustration melt and ooze out of your body. A hug can essentially heal a moment.

A hug can comfort you. Have you ever had a time when you had no idea that something was bugging you and a friend or family member could tell that you need a hug? The moment you are embraced, you melt. You start with shedding a tear, and the comfort and safe arms around you turns you into a blubbering mess. It has happened to me with close friends, family members, and co-workers. A hug can release the most pent-up issues in life.

A hug can make you feel loved. In my marriage I am a hugger (well, we both are). Yes, I can share with you that of course I love the passion of a kiss, but a hug comforts, supports, and shares something deep. It reminds you that you matter. A hug can ground you and reinforce just how much you are loved.

Hug it out, release, and remember that you are loved. Right now. Today.

A PACT and a little $$$

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I just happened upon this app called PACT. It is an app that helps to set goals for working out and eating healthy. The premise is that once you set daily goals, you either receive cash rewards, or if you do not meet your goals then money is deducted from your credit card or PayPal account and given to those that do meet their goals. GULP.

Mind you, I am a bit hard-core on myself with running, being active, and eating healthy. I currently have a Nike FuelBand and find that it often encourages me to keep up with my daily fuel goal, which is accrued with the miles I run. There are times when I come home from work exhausted and could care less if I make my goal, and all I want is comfort food. Yet, that is the exception. For the most part, I come home and unwind from my day with a good, hard run and healthy meal. The question is how many days of the week end up that way, and how many days do I successfully hit my goal? It is so different from week to week.

The other aspect of the app pertains to food. You can track your food goals and then take pictures of what you eat. There is a bit of honesty and trust that go with this app. Maybe that is why rewards start at 30 cents, because most individuals are probably not going to “cheat” to receive 30 cents. The fact that they met their goal is motivation with the added accumulation of some change to show as proof of their consistent effort. Almost like an ongoing game of penny poker.

Since life can throw us curveballs at any moment, how are our goals to be and stay healthy impacted when money is involved? Would I handle my goals differently if there was money connected to it? I guess it would depend on how much money you make or lose. Reports about the app say you can earn 30 cents to $5 a week for meeting your goal, and $5-$10 each day for when you miss your goal. Again, yikes! How many of you would start to see $35-$70 leaving your checking account each week? The money that you pay for not meeting your goals goes into the pool to help pay for those that are meeting their goals.

Would PACT motivate you to exercise and eat healthy? Or would you start to feel down that you are not hitting your goals and watching cold hard cash fly out the door? Is it motivating and would it keep you on track?

What do you think?

Feedback vs. applause

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When you find something that resonates and sticks you have to share it right? This Seth Godin blog just hit the nail on the head. I have been struggling lately with the idea of individuals needing to feel good about the work they are doing in a way that touts them rather than truly looking at the core of the work and see where things were good and where things could be improved. We ALL can do better at what we do. Nothing is ever perfect and there is always room for improvement. Yet, why do folks so often just want to have others tell them they are good? Should our own pride for our work be enough validation?

I can also say that I am not always the best about providing applause. I am better at providing feedback. Maybe that is because I always see opportunities for growth. I have to agree with Seth, if all you are looking for is applause, then where is the growth? I included his full blog post titled: “The feedback you’ve been waiting for” here:

“You did a great job. This is exactly what I was hoping for. I wouldn’t change a thing. You completely nailed it, it’s fabulous. Of course, that’s not feedback, really. It’s applause. Applause is great. We all need more of it.

But if you want to improve, you should actively seek feedback. And that feedback, if it’s more than just carping, will be constructive. It will clearly and generously lay out ways you can more effectively delight your customers and create a remarkable experience that leads to ever more customers.

If you’re afraid of that feedback, it’s probably not going to arrive as often as you’d like it to. On the other hand, if you embrace it as the gift it can be, you may decide to go looking for it.

Empty criticism and snark does no one any good. But genuine, useful, insightful feedback is a priceless gift.

Applause is good too.”

Maybe we all need to start asking for feedback rather than applause? We all learn more about ourselves in the process. It is the deeper, real way to go. Do not be afraid of feedback, if you are open you will find just the answers you need.

Do Nothing When…

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You know when you take a vacation day and you decide to go ahead and check your email, and then regret it for the rest of the day? You agonize over the annoying email you received. You get frustrated. You cannot stop thinking about it.

I found this amazing article last week called: “5 Ways to Do Nothing and Become More Productive” that I keep going back to as a reminder. Why is it so good? It is a reminder to do nothing. I know that may sound lazy, or maybe zen like. Actually what I took away from the article was not about productivity, and more about taking a stand for yourself, which may lead to do doing nothing. I might have titled it: “5 Ways to Do Nothing and Be Your Best You.” I am not going to go over all the points in the article, just the few:

“Doing nothing when you’re angry.” It is always best to take a walk and let some steam off instead of reacting and responding when you are pissed off. Taking that breather makes you a better person, but not really more productive.

“Do nothing when you’re anxious.” This is an interesting one. The author shares an example of someone telling you they need to talk to you about something, and oh yes it is Friday at 5 pm so you have to wait. I do not really think that your frustration to them telling you on your way out the door is anxiety, it just feels wrong. Not that I am perfect, but it does mean the other person could potentially think about it all weekend and wonder how the conversation will go. I would change this one to read: ‘Do nothing when you’re left in the dark.’ Just wait until you have all the information, then get angry, frustrated, or maybe it is good news. If so, then get happy.

“Do nothing when you want to be liked.” This one is a big one. We all do it. We do it for our spouses, family, friends, coworkers, bosses. What if we did what we wanted, or we did the right thing, but not because we will let our mom, friend, or boss down, or make them happy? What if we truly did not care what others thought, we listened to our gut, and responded in that way?

I loved the premise of the article, and I am inspired. This week I will be thinking about doing nothing when I am angry (well taking a breather), doing nothing when I am left in the dark, and letting go of being liked. Take a moment to read the article and see when you will do nothing…

Witness. See. Appreciate.

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It is only nine days into the year and the thought that was going through my mind yesterday is why is it so hard for us to stick to things? We spend so much time talking about New Year’s resolutions and how we are going to keep and honor them throughout the year, and why is it such an ongoing conversation from year to year? Do we not have the self-control, resilience, and tenacity to follow through on what we say we are going to do? Do we just get bored? Or do we not set up realistic expectations that are obtainable?

I have not been able to decide. There is a part of me that is already hard on myself for letting a few things slide in the last nine days, where I think “wow, great track record so far this year.” Yet, why are we so hard on ourselves? What is the big rat race that we are running so fast in? Where is it taking us? I know I often carve out too many items on my to-do list for each day and it feels great when I am able to accomplish what I set out to do each day, but is that what really matters? If we look back from year to year, will we remember what we cross off on our to-do lists, or will we remember the hearts we touch, the conversations we have, and all the things we learn? I hope it is the latter.

While I do not want to add another thing to my list, I loved taking moments to capture the good that was happening in my life (and of course for Chris too) in 2013. I mentioned a few blog posts ago, that I want to continue doing that for 2014. It was fun to sit down on New Years and pull each item out of our jar and remember things that happened early on in the year. A few made us laugh and think, “wow, that made the jar” and I am sure there were many we missed that should have been documented. In any case, I think what I would like to track and appreciate is what I learn each day, week, month. Maybe there is nothing for weeks, and maybe there is a lot. Who knows, but I believe if we are consciously watching and we think about tracking it, we start to see those learnings show up everywhere. All because we watch for it. I think that will make for an even better 2014.

Rather than berate myself for not sticking to things completely, why not try, learn in the process, and celebrate the good that does happen? We have so little control over so many things in our little worlds, what we can control is what we witness, see, and appreciate. Are you with me?