When you gotta go…

Call me crazy, but I have always wanted to pee standing up. Of course a woman can pee standing up, but it really depends on where she is standing. Is she in the middle of the forest? If so, it does not matter. If she is in her friend’s bathroom, then it matters. The spray itself would tell her friend that like most men, she cannot keep it in the targeted basin.

Over the past few weeks I have found two new contraptions for women that help them to pee standing up. One is the paper funnel, featured on Fast Company, the other is called: “GoGirl.” Both allow women to pee standing up. I can tell you that there have been many bathrooms that I would rather not even walk in, but having the ability to pee standing up would have made things a bit different. Although I have mastered the art of squat peeing…so maybe I do not need to worry about peeing while standing up. But, what if you do not have a place where you can squat and pee? What if you only had a men’s room urinal? Then I would definitely need to learn to pee standing up.

One example mentioned in the first article above was in an airplane bathroom. Now I will tell you, I am 5 feet 5 inches and while I will not share my weight, I will say it is average to my height. However, I have been in a variety of airplane bathrooms that I could barely fit in. You know the ones that do not even have true sinks + running water, just a tiny ledge for hand sanitizer. Yuck. It makes it hard to let your jeans drop, hopefully hovering carefully on your shoes and not touching the floor at all. Heaven forbid knowing what has touched that floor. Especially with how hard it is to squat and pee in such a tiny space. That would be a good location for peeing standing up.

I especially appreciate the GoGirl that features “MommyGirl” for those that do not want their daughters to touch a thing in those nasty public bathrooms. You know what I mean! Adults can usually (many of us) have the strength to squat and pee, but not so easy to do for kids. They are $12.99 for one. Maybe I will have to purchase one for my niece (once she is potty trained). Would you use the paper funnel or the GoGirl?


Are you curious just by the title? Chris found it the other day and knew I would be interested. Are you? I know a variety of individuals that have quite different public bathroom habits. There are some that will never step foot inside a public toilet. Others could care less, when they have to go, they have to go (I am of that variety). Of course there are public bathrooms that I would not want to step foot in, but hey when nature calls, I have to answer. There are yet others that will only use a public restroom if there is no one else they have to share it with while doing their business. Which is hard, because it might be empty when you start, and then you might be joined by one or many more in the neighboring stalls.

So when Chris shared Poo-pourri, I had a nice laugh. Honesty, I am not sure I really care to travel around with a bottle of Poo-pourri. I care less about the smell left behind as I do an unclean restroom. Having said that, I am a tad bit curious if it works. They say you Spritz and then Poo, and the essential odors mask the smell. Is that really possible? You will have to watch and see what you think, it has a Mad Men vibe.

So curious now? Two of my favorite lines: “How do you make the world believe that your poop doesn’t stink?” and “When your little astronauts splash down and make contact.”

Scents to try: Trap-A-Crap, Royal Flush, Shittin’ Pretty, Party Pooper, Doody Free, Heavy Doody

Multi-task on the pooper?

I am a blunt woman. I tell it like it is, or usually say whatever is on my mind. So, I will be direct with you today. I am a multi-tasker. Some might say that is very inefficient, but I disagree. The best place to multi-task is well…the bathroom. There are so many ways to multi-task in the bathroom. I will share a few with you. At night I often read and brush my teeth at the same time. However, I have not had luck with reading and flossing my teeth. In the morning, I often read while I dry my hair, because face it, drying your hair is BORING.

In any case, there is the most obvious of all, multi-tasking while sitting on the toilet, porcelain basin, potty, can, shitter, john, loo, pot, whatever you call it. I am a serial user. You may find me on my iPhone, laptop, or reading a book. I might be playing words with friends, reading the news, writing emails, or heaven forbid – writing a blog post. Due to my multi-tasking tendencies, I have great respect for this Saturday Night Live skit, “Bathroom Businessman” with Keenan Thompson. Take a look (click the image to view video):

You might not feel so comfortable engaging in “potty” talk, but if we are real with each other, it is part of life. I do, however, think it is crossing the line to be in a public restroom and chatting away with your friend while doing your business. If in a public restroom, go right ahead and read a book, the news, update your Facebook status to your heart’s content, but if I have to listen to you chew out your husband, then finish your shit or get off the pot.

Happy Friday!