TED

Surprisologist.

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A surprisologist. I like it. I am probably the worst person to be called a surprisologist. One year for Chris’ birthday I planned a trip to San Francisco. As it got closer to the trip I could not contain the surprise, I just had to tell him. Partly I wanted him to be able to get excited by our trip and start to think about whether there were any special places he might want to go, and partly I just could not contain my surprise any longer. How did I break the news to him? I told him I wanted him to open a birthday gift early, and I wrapped a box of Rice-a-Roni “a San Francisco treat” and asked if he could guess his gift. I no longer remember his face or response, but let me just let you know the moral is I am not good with surprises.

I recently read a Ted blog about a woman (Tania Luna) who is a surprisologist. She has started a company called Surprise Industries and well let’s just say she has me curious. One of the things she lists in the TED blog is how we always surround ourselves with what is comfortable, with people we know, and that we rarely break outside of our comfort zone and find ways to meet new people (and well get excited about it).

What could you do that would add a little surprise to your life? Maybe it is a little thing to surprise your spouse or kids once in a while, or maybe it is adding flavor to how you engage with others. Take that belly dancing class, hip hop, or heck, go country line dancing. In this quote from the article, Luna tells us that surprises can teach us to grow and reach:

“Few people follow their dreams or take positive risks — not because it’s difficult or even scary, but because we avoid that sensation of uncertainty that we call awkwardness. Learn to love it. Remind yourself that discomfort means you are growing AND reaching someplace special that few people dare to go. Try a hobby that looks awful. Talk to a stranger.”

I would lose count of the number of people who avoid awkwardness. Who likes feeling awkward? However, feeling awkward could lead to feeling brave. Feeling brave can lead you to feeling badass. Who does not want to feel badass? I am not saying you have to go pet snakes if they freak you out. Maybe just go introduce yourself to a stranger at your next charity function or company picnic. I know I have work to do. Whether or not I can keep a surprise inside, I could definitely add some flavor to the surprise I bring to my world. What about you?

Ou-ba-ju-ba-wobbles…and body language

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I was intrigued when I watched this TED talk with Amy Cuddy. I cannot remember how I came across it, however, it has my mind going with so many ideas and questions. Body language is fascinating to me. She talks a lot about how we carry ourselves and what that means about our emotional state. When we are in a business meeting are we slouching or sitting upright? What are our legs doing? Do we cross them or put them up on a table?

So what did you think of what she had to say? I have a confession. Growing up I always had a large chest. You know, breasts, boobs, ou-ba-ju-ba-wobbles. I hated it. I hid them, or at least I tried. It impacted my posture. I stopped standing up straight. I started rolling my shoulders and over time my shoulders now have stayed that way. I try to work on my posture, but I am afraid it will take a while to fix after all those years of hiding myself. I remember a Sunday School teacher once told me to stand against the wall and stand up straight and carry myself proudly. I was offended (especially because it was in Sunday School)!

Yet, after listening to Cuddy’s video, it makes me think a lot about body language and power. How we sit, how we interact, our facial gestures, etc. I ask myself: How am I sitting in my meeting? How do I carry myself when I am interacting with family? Do I look engaged and interested, or bored and tired? Do I show respect with my body language? Do I show my power, or hide behind my body? All interesting thoughts to me as I assess how I am ME in this world.

What do you think?

Are you an Introvert or an Extrovert?

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Are you and Introvert or an Extrovert? I just finished reading the book: “Quiet: The Power of Introverts” by Susan Cain. It is funny, I always sort of thought of myself as an extrovert, but after reading Cain’s book I think I lean more towards being an introvert, and at times am more of what she calls an “Ambivert.” An ambivert is someone who is in the middle between an introvert and an extrovert. After finishing her book, it makes me more “okay” with being an introvert. She talks throughout her book about how our society, schools, and companies award extroverts, and yet there is just as much of a need for introverts. I think it is the first book I read that truly made me feel that it is okay to be an introvert. Here is a short excerpt from Cain’s book:

“Finding restorative niches isn’t always easy. You might want to read quietly by the fire on Saturday nights, but if your spouse wishes you’d spend those evenings out with her large circle of friends, then what? You might want to retreat to the oasis of your private office in between sales calls, but what if your company just switched over to an open office plan? If you plan to exercise free traits, you’ll need the help of friends, family, and colleagues. Which is why Professor Little calls, with great passion, for each of us to enter into a ‘a Free Trait Agreement.’

…A Free Trait Agreement acknowledges that we’ll each act out of character some of the time—in exchange for being ourselves the rest of the time. It’s a Free Trait Agreement when a wife who wants to go out every Saturday night and a husband wants to relax by the fire work out a schedule: half the time we’ll go out and half the time we’ll stay home. It’s a Free Trait Agreement when you attend your extroverted best friend’s wedding shower, engagement celebration, and bachelorette party, but she understands when you skip out on the three days’ worth of group activities leading up to the wedding itself.” Page 220-221

This resonates with me because as a child, I preferred to stay home and read a book (and I still do). Yes, I liked riding my bikes and hanging with my friends, but at the end of the day I hated the annoying social ladder of who was mad at who, who was new friends with who, and who was now on the outskirts of the social circle. It always seemed easier to me to find my book and jump into the adventurous world the author had cleverly crafted for me. I learned through the characters. I got excited about their worlds, mysteries, and dramas. It meant I could create my own world, where there were no bullies, no comparisons, and no race to maintain my status in the world.

Today, there are times when I do not feel much different than I did as a kid. I have often asked Chris, “Have I become a boring adult?” Yet, I love my life. I enjoy snuggling on the couch reading a book, while Chris is next to me watching an action movie I have no interest in seeing. I like the time to myself when I go for a run. I enjoy being at home. I do not need many social engagements to feel better about myself. If anything, I prefer less social interactions all the time. After a full week of work, I just want to relax and decompress at home, and be with Chris. I guess that makes me mostly an introvert.

So are you an introvert or an extrovert? Read Cain’s book for more details!