Sympathy, Praise, and Approval

Posted by random olio

A good friend would often remind me in college to: “Never look to others for sympathy, praise, and approval.” I have never forgotten this and often remind myself of this when I feel a void of appreciation or approval from others.

The thing is, I can be a pleaser, and I hate it. I think it originated when I was a kid. Many times things in our house were chaotic, and I think in order to balance out the chaos, I wanted to make everything happy and calm. I think subconsciously I hoped that my parents would notice me if I was just good all the time. I am not sure that ever really worked. I do not think they had the time or space to think in that way, they were too busy trying to just put food on the table. What became problematic about that is that it never really left me. I have days where I hate that I am such a pleaser, and other days when I think it is fine to want to make others happy.

What is strange is deep down I am confident in myself, and I do not really care what other people think, however, there is a part of me that feels validated by the approval of others. Who does not feel grateful and appreciated by the feedback and approval from others?

So when I read this Daily Om this past week, it really resonated with me. Specifically this line:

“We were not honored as individuals in our own right, with a will and purpose of our own, to be determined by our own unfolding. As a result, we learned to look outside of ourselves for approval, support, and direction rather than look within.”

For the most part I think I look within for direction and approval in my life, but I would like to watch for when I might look to others for sympathy, praise, or support and shift my thought back to my own inner guidance and acceptance.

What do you think?

Ads and Blogger Awards

Posted by random olio

So I just learned that you might be seeing ads on my blog. (From what I can tell it happens when you click into the complete blog post.) In further researching, I found that I can remove it by paying WordPress a yearly fee, but I decided — forget that. Instead, I am going to self-host my blog and in turn have the ability to have many other options, widgets, and resources. Instead of just self-hosting my blog I have decided to also change the look and feel of Random Olio and get rid of those annoying ads.

Thanks to WordPress the ads just started appearing. No notification, I just found these details about these ads on their website. So far I have seen a few YouTube video ads and I have been told there has also been a pest control video too. Thank you for your patience and for ignoring these annoying ads until I can finish the upgrade to my site!

On a different note, I was nominated for the Lovely Blogger award, by: World on a Platter and for a 2nd time the Versatile Blogger award, this time by: The Usual Bliss. Thank you both for the nominations! I thought I would handle the response here in a combined post. So 5 more things about me (sorry I am breaking the rules, I am supposed to have 7 things, but I am trying to keep it short).

I do not cook. I do not really know how. After 5 summers of 4-H baking I would call myself a baker.
I am direct and sometimes have no sensor whatsoever.
I will stand up for those I love, so do mess with those dear to me.
I love babies. I do not have one of my own yet, but am addicted to precious little babies.
I am a sucker for anything with salt on it. Sorry sugar, you play 2nd fiddle.

I already nominated folks in this post, but will add a few more for the Lovely Blogger Award:

Roost

not without salt (such a clever name)

Paper Morning

Design Crush

Side of the Road Sessions (mentioned in older post, but the site is newly redesigned and launched!)

Thank you again for the nominations!

Emotional decisions: Another cookie? New jeans?

Posted by random olio

So I just found out that yesterday was National Chocolate Chip Cookie Day. I had no idea. I did not see any details about a national day when I did my research for this blog post about Chocolate Cookies being the default cookie. On Sunday, I made the cookie recipe found on this blog post. So my heart must have known that National Chocolate Chip Cookie Day was just around the corner.

I digress. Enough about cookies. It is, however, a great introduction on an idea I just read about called: “gorging on gratification.” The idea comes from the book: “The Behavior Gap: Simple Ways to Stop Doing Dumb Things with Money” by Carl Richards. It is a great book on money and life planning. Carl is a financial planner by trade, but he talks about money in conjunction with life issues. It is a thought-provoking book since money is so intertwined with the choices we make in life. How does this pertain to chocolate chip cookies? Instant gratification. This article from The New York Times discusses Carl’s term: “gorging on gratification” and gives four ways we can delay or stop immediate gratification and keep more of your money in your bank account. I also appreciated this quote from Carl’s book on emotional decisions:

“Money decisions are emotional decisions—and making good money decisions requires emotional clarity. So try to pay attention to your emotions around money. This can be as simple as considering how you feel when you get your monthly investment statement or when a medical bill arrives in the mail. Acknowledging those feelings and being aware of their potential impact on your decisions can be important, often in ways that aren’t clear right away. I’ve found myself asking some really fundamental questions during the last several years. Who I can trust? What’s really important to me? What do I really value? How much is enough? How should I really be spending my time?” page 93

So maybe those freshly baked chocolate chip cookies are not so far from your credit card statement. Maybe self-control with cookies is not that far from self-control with money. Is it hard to control how many cookies you eat, or are they too hard to pass up? How about after you have had 5? Do they still taste as good as that first one? How about that 10th pair of jeans? Do you need them? Or are they different from the others in your closet?

Emotional clarity. Maybe that is a quality we need in all facets in our life. It is something I am definitely going to explore further!

Rain, luggage, and Christmas lights

Posted by random olio

Coincidences. I love when you share something with someone and they say they found that same idea at the same time you did. Last week I posted a blog about a Maya Angelou quote. I was telling a co-worker about the quote yesterday and she told me that she had just shared the same quote with a friend that day. Was it a coincidence or were we both meant to be inspired by this same quote? She then asked if I had read the full quote. Usually I research that sort of thing before writing a blog post, but at the time of writing Thursday’s post I decided I liked the simplicity of that quote just the way it was shared. The co-worker then shared the full quote with me. I was stunned. I knew immediately I had to be sure to share the full quote on my blog. Here is in its entirety:

“I’ve learned that no matter what happens, or how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow. I’ve learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights. I’ve learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents, you’ll miss them when they’re gone from your life. I’ve learned that making a “living” is not the same thing as making a “life.” I’ve learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance. I’ve learned that you shouldn’t go through life with a catcher’s mitt on both hands; you need to be able to throw something back. I’ve learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision. I’ve learned that even when I have pains, I don’t have to be one. I’ve learned that every day you should reach out and touch someone. People love a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back. I’ve learned that I still have a lot to learn. I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”
― Maya Angelou

Gosh how many times have you had those days when you feel like you cannot keep going. Whether it be a bad day at work, a day that started out on the wrong side of the bed and for some reason you cannot get over your grumpiness, or you get horrible news that you are not sure will ever have a happy ending. This quote is a great reminder that the day starts fresh when you wake up again, and that you do have a choice to be present each day. You do have a choice to connect with someone else. You do have a choice to share love. The most unselfish love there is, is not asking for anything in return.

What is great is that my co-worker is doing this right now for a friend. I have watched her share unconditional love with a friend in need without asking for anything in return.

How do you handle a “rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights?”

Serendipity: Freshly Pressed

Posted by random olio

I am in awe and so grateful. I could never have imagined the serendipity of being Freshly Pressed. For those of you that might not know what that means, my blog post last Friday made it on the homepage of WordPress.com.

Freshly Pressed snapshot

It means a lot to me. I have had over 6,000 hits to my blog in the last 3 days. I am very grateful for all the individuals that liked and commented on my post. I have not had the opportunity to respond to many of the comments, but will be doing so in the coming days. Thank you to everyone who has been following my blog these past few months and the many, many more that are now following it.

Last December I was laid off. I had worked for the same company for over 11 years. It was a bit of a shock at first. After a few weeks of exploring my options I realized that after 11 years in corporate communications, I needed to spend more time on my own personal voice and brand. I have been writing for as long as I can remember. In elementary school, I was often selected for my class to participate in what was called the “Young Author’s Conference.” We had to write and illustrate our own story and make it into a book. I have not been successful in finding out if this program still exists in Indiana, but for me it was a prized event. After being selected for my grade in my school, I joined other kids at the conference where we listened to a known author (that I can remember) and then broke out into our age group and read our stories in front of our peers from other schools. It was a bit scary for me to read my story, but I definitely remember being proud to be selected.

In high school and college I did not write creatively other than whatever essays I had to do for school. Looking back I wish I would have had someone to encourage me to continue to write, as I often think it would have been good for me to take creative writing classes in college, and pursue more of those types of endeavors. I have been writing creatively off and on for the past 11 years, and increasingly so in the last 1-2 years. All in my journal, never shared with others.

Which leads me to today. My purpose for starting Random Olio was that I felt I needed a more personal portfolio of my writing abilities in addition to the experience I have had in the corporate sector. What I did not know is that I would fall in love with blogging each day. While I have always been considerably conscious of my surroundings, and have always watched the interactions of those around me, my eyes and ears are even more keenly aware. These days I will be running and an idea to write about will pop into my thought. Or I will be in the shower or walking to a meeting. There are so many opportunities for the creation and sharing of ideas as long as one is open to exploring them!

I had no idea when I started this blog over 4 months ago that I would want to keep it up after finding work. I do. I am here and I am not going anywhere.

Thank you again to everyone for sending such heartfelt support and love these past few days. It means a lot.