Love Life or Love Life

Posted by random olio

I love a good oxymoron, a play on words, anything to get my brain to think and wonder. Rob Lowe’s newest book is called: “Love Life.” His title could really be more about his wife (the love of his life), about his love life, or what I think he really meant, which is to love the heck out of the life that is in front of us. In any case, Love Life is an interesting and thought-provoking memoir. I was a fan of his first autobiography, “Stories I Only Tell My Friends.” See, I like Rob Lowe. He plays interesting characters. From West Wing to Brothers and Sisters to Californication to Parks and Recreation, not to mention all the movies he has been in. Does Outsiders ring a bell? He does not play the same character again and again (as some actors tend to do), and I love that about him. When I happened across his first book, I thought it would be an annoying, pompous book from a famous Hollywood actor. It was nothing like that.

The writing is good, and while I do not know if he actually wrote it (who ever knows these days) it was still a compelling memoir of his life. He is very transparent about himself, his pros and cons, and you can tell in everything he says how much he loves his wife, two sons, and how important it is to him to be a dad. I loved this quote on the very first page:

“I think it was Alfred Hitchcock who said 90 percent of successful moviemaking is in the casting. The same is true in life. Who you are exposed to, who you choose to surround yourself with, is a unique variable in all of our experiences and it is hugely important in making us who we are. Seek out interesting characters, tough adversaries and strong mentors and your life can be rich, textured, highly entertaining and successful, like a Best Picture winner.” Page 1

It really makes you think about who you surround yourself with, and that while we do not always have a choice of who we interact with each day, we should focus on the situations we can control. Lowe never wanted to live a boring life, and neither should we! So get rid of the boring, the dull, and the uninspiring and bring on the adventure.

And, if you never take the leap and have more adventures, then you may never see success. Sometimes you have to have a few failures to find the gem. He discusses the different shows or movies he was involved in that did not make it off the ground, were cancelled, or just did not get the ratings.

“Maybe I’m in denial, but I don’t believe in ‘flops.’ You try something and it may not work. You try something and this time it might. You never know, and you have no choice other than to keep trying. The only time you flop is when you don’t learn something.” Page 148

Sort of like the Coldplay song, “Fix You” with a favorite line 0f mine: “If you never try you’ll never know.” I strongly believe that the tough times and disappointed moments turn into beautiful works of art. Sometimes we just have to have extreme patience as we go through the growing pains.

Suppressing feelings

Posted by random olio

Say what is on your mind. Say it directly. Say exactly what you mean. Do not hold back. What do you lose by saying exactly what you are thinking? Will others judge you? Maybe. Will they laugh at you? Possibly. Does it matter? No. If you want to be completely and utterly yourself, then you have to be you and part of that means saying what is on your mind.

I am direct. I have an opinion and it can come out strongly. Does that mean that I do not want to hear what others have to say? Not in the least. I encourage a healthy debate. Your opinion may sway me. I may learn something new that just may bring an aha moment for me that will create a speedy excitement of new ways of doing things. You never know.

I see it all the time. Individuals that suppress their feelings. They are afraid to say what is really on their mind. When that happens it means they are not really being true to themselves. They are hiding behind what they think others want them to say, do, feel. Why do we do that? Why is it so hard to be unequivocally ourselves? Why do we sometimes sensor ourselves? Or not share what we are really feeling? I constantly go back to ideas that resonated with me from Brene Brown’s book: “Daring Greatly” such as:

“Give me the courage to show up and let myself be seen.” Page 42

Is that what we are doing when we say what is on our mind? When we have no filter, and do not suppress our thoughts?

I dare you. Do it. Say what is on your mind.

Things could be worse

Posted by random olio

“Things could be worse and things could be so much better.” This is a line from a Joshua Ferris book “To Rise Again at a Decent Hour.” I just finished reading it and am a bit baffled by it. I love, love, loved “The Unnamed.” This book was just not the same. Regardless of the verdict on his recent book, I loved this idea. How often do we go about our lives and think: “Oh what a crappy day, or week, or month, or year.” We wallow in the situation we are in, agonize over how we could be treated differently, or think that life is incredibly unfair. Yet, maybe things are going to get worse, or maybe they will be so much better.

I have blogged about an idea my sister shared with me when I was in elementary or middle school. She said: “Things can only get better.” They did eventually get better. I do not remember how long it took, or if there was a specific moment when things got better — but they did. Sometimes I think our personal hell eventually becomes foggy or gets smaller in our minds. Sort of when you drive away from something it gets smaller and smaller or further and further away. Either life shifts and the good outweighs the bad, or our focus on the good or the bad changes. Just as the line from the book says, we could always be worse off, and life can always be better than it is right now.

There are so many ways to look at it:

_You could say I did not get what I wanted, my life sucks.

_You can say I did not get what I wanted, and I know there is something even better out there for me.

_You could say I did not get what I wanted, but my life could be worse. I could have less than I have now. I know things could be better than they are right now, but I am just grateful for what I have right now.

Regardless of how you approach your situation, it is HOW we look at it and HOW we react to what is in front of us. Do we look at life with a glass half full or a glass half empty? When we are grateful for what we have in front of us right now, we are given the space to receive more. Are you filling your glass up, or running on low? Just remember, things could be worse.

“Footprints for good.”

Posted by random olio

When I first started reading this book I thought oh this is going to be a boring one. You know the story about the rich kid, successful in the business world who finds himself helping people in need in a third world country. I do not mean to sound negative, but there are quite a few of those stories turned into books. However, this one is different. If you want to rethink your life, even in the tiniest of ways in order to help others, be sure to pick up “The Promise of a Pencil: How an Ordinary Person Can Create Extraordinary Change” by Adam Braun. After you realize it is more than the rich kid meets third world and you let yourself get pulled into his story you will realize that this is a meaningful book.

Braun’s non-profit idea started from a conversation with a child where he asked: “What do you most want?” The child’s response was: “A pencil.” He wanted a pencil so he could go to school and learn. It was a reminder of how privileged we are each and every day. Most of these children whether in Africa, Asia, or Latin America do not have a school let alone a classroom to go to each day. Throughout Braun’s book he shares what he learned along the way of building his organization and juxtapositions his experience with little things anyone could do in their daily life to make change. Listen more. Strive for exceptional things. When you are tested, continue to move forward. Connect with others. Believe. Rejuvenate in order to be completely present with others. The list goes on. “Pencils of Promise” has built over 150 schools and the entire idea was started with $25. This is the one of the final quotes of his book, I thought it was a great ending:

“Start by changing the subjects of your daily conversation form the life you are living to the life you aspire to create. By speaking the language of the person you seek to become, you will soon find yourself immersed in the conversations that make you most come alive. You’ll sense the energy you emit attracting similar energy from others. Your conversations will lead to opportunities, which will become actions, which will become footprints for good.” Page 250

This book made me think about what I am doing in my life right now. How am I helping? How am I listening to those around me? How am I connecting? Regardless of whether I have started a non-profit, or building schools in other countries, how have I become alive? Am I living my true energy? How will being true to myself lead me to the next phase in my life? So many questions and so many opportunities.

Read this book. It may just inspire you.

Vulnerable

Posted by random olio

Vulnerability is the new black. Thanks to Brene Brown, more people are talking about vulnerability. I love the word in ways I never would have a few years ago. Why? Because it is making us more real. I dislike the dictionary definitions I found for vulnerable. Once you read Brene Brown’s book “Daring Greatly” you may just agree that we need to revise the definition. Most definitions talk about “being vulnerable to attack or harm.” Not too encouraging.

How about something about opening oneself up to the rawness and realness of life, to feel, act, and speak with openness? Ah, what would life be like if we said exactly what was on our mind all the time? We might know each other better, feel deeper, wonder what others think less. Would that be refreshing? I think so. So what holds us back from being vulnerable? Are we afraid of what others will think of us, or that we will offend another, or that we will put ourselves out there and it will not be reciprocated? All valid points, but are they enough to not make us just lay it all out there? Do we have too much to lose?

I am not going to say that it was ever easy to put my thoughts out there blunt and uncensored, but the more I have the easier it gets. Sometimes it can be messy. I can have an amazing evening with Chris and another couple and walk away thinking, “Did I say too much?” I often get a funny feeling inside that makes me revisit a conversation and I wonder what is making me circle through different moments of the night. Maybe I did say too much and maybe it was just right. Regardless, I was me in all my rawness. There is a bravery, an innocence, a transparency that comes with vulnerability. I will take that from someone any day. It means I am truly getting to see that other person. In happiness, tears, fear, you get to witness them for who they are in that moment.

By being vulnerable, we feel deeper, we form stronger connections, and we are all changed in the end. It is a risk, but I think it is worth it. Are you willing to take that risk and start being more vulnerable?