“Homesick For A Place That Never Existed?”

Posted by random olio

“Have you ever been homesick for someplace that doesn’t actually exist anymore? Someplace that exists only in your mind?” page 103

A quote from the book: “Let’s Pretend This Never Happened” by Jenny Lawson. A memoir about her life, at times hilarious, blunt, and sassy. The above quote makes me think of what I often feel. Do you ever go over old memories in your head, sometimes over and over again to see if you still remember the smallest details? I think about things from my childhood that make me nostalgic. Things that made me happy as a kid. Was it my mom’s chocolate chess pie that I LOVED and no longer have the recipe for, but have NEVER been able to recreate. Or, remembering times when we would somehow end up on my parents king size bed laughing and tickling each other. Did that really happen? I know it did, but with so much time that has passed I often wonder, was there one time when that happened, or was it many times that created my memory?

We all have a part of us that sugar coats the bad aspects of life. Often over time we forget the bad parts. The ones that made us cry, or feel horrible about ourselves, or alone. There are times when I make a nice creme brulee shell over the painful parts of my childhood, and others show the raw memories of abuse and abandonment. Which is why I related so much to what Jenny says here:

“He quietly said (as if to himself) that the memories of the places we’d been before were always more golden-tinted in retrospect than they had ever been at the time, and I nodded, surprised that he’d known more than he’d let on. He was right, but I didn’t know if that made it better or worse. Was it worse to be homesick for a time that was once home, but now lived only in your own mind … or to be homesick for a place that never really existed at all?” 103-104

I think my homesickness comes as a picture of what I dreamed a family and home life could have been. When I miss my parents and my family together, it is more from telling myself what it would be like to still have parents that are alive. Parents that I can call up when I am having a hard day, or when I needs some words of advice. Honestly though, my parents were never really those kinds of parents. Maybe I feel that way because they passed on when I was so young, that I had to move on with my life without having them fill the roles of advice giver, supporter, and nurturer. In the end, my imagination of what my relationship could have been if they were alive is what makes me homesick.

Does that mean I am “homesick for a place that never really existed at all?”

ah memories: my maroon bike with banana seat!

Zoomed In = Greater Intimacy

Posted by random olio

Yesterday I woke up after a strange dream and had many thoughts instantly come into my head that had nothing to do with my dream. What a strange way to wake up on a Sunday morning. The following is what came into my thought. Good thing I have a pen and pad of paper next to my bed…

There never seems to be enough time in the day to accomplish all that needs to get done. There are usually too many lenses to look through, and too many things to focus on. Often we are juggling too many things and it means we cannot focus well on any of them. The same goes for people in our lives. I am a fan of having fewer close friends, than many non-close acquaintances. The more individuals we have to devote our attention to, the less depth we can give to others.

It is like being at a large party or a big wedding. How many times have you been to a wedding, and never really had the opportunity to connect with the bride or groom? Was it because of the large volume of people the bride/groom have to attend to on their wedding day? Did you feel more like just another body attending the event? Many times at large events, the more individuals that are involved, the less intimacy and connection happens.

Depth is lost by more numbers.

Just like when you take a photo of a large group of people, you cannot zoom closer in with the lens to include everyone, you have to go further away. I crave smaller, closer connections. I would rather zoom in than out, and allow for greater connection and intimacy.

Thoughts on my random morning wake up brain dump?

Are Women Paid Fairly?

Posted by random olio

I am a bit cranky about this…yesterday I was reading the Daily Worth newsletter. Often I scan through their emails quickly and move on, but this time I read it entirely. It was about a bill that is being voted in on Congress today on the Paycheck Fairness Act. I wonder if this Act is going to pass, I want it to, but many news articles mention that it is not going to pass. How is that possible?

I am appalled. Come on folks it is 2012 and women STILL have to fight to have equal wages. Seriously? What a joke. Just like this Daily Worth poll, I had no idea that this Act was even up for vote. If we knew, would more women back and fight it? Yes, I think so. Why do we even have to fight this? If we are truly all created equal, why do we need to fight for workplace equality? Does it mean men add something to the job that women are not capable of doing? The last time I checked the only thing a man could do better was pee standing up. Was there something else I was missing?

As you can tell I am seriously appalled that Congress has to even waste time on this – it should have been passed years ago. It makes me question all the other things that might still be unequal for women. Are women still looked at as not strong enough? What other biases exist about women that still need to be expunged?

I need help with this, I am really struggling to see the bigger picture of why this is even a conversation. Thoughts?

Accountability

Posted by random olio

Accountability: the quality or state of being accountable; especially: an obligation or willingness to accept responsibility or to account for one’s actions [Merriam-Webster Dictionary]

This is a topic that I have a strong passion about, and as an avid reader I have tried to find books on this topic that were engaging and I would want to read. It is a topic I think covers most aspects of our lives, whether at home, work, shopping, traveling, etc. However, I find it so lacking in the world. If we stand for honesty and integrity for what we believe in, and we follow through with those values, we are holding ourselves and hopefully in turn others accountable.

It is not that easy though. If it is hard for us to confront a family member regarding a specific situation that might make us uncomfortable, then we are not holding ourselves and those involved accountable. If we keep letting a friend off the hook and we start to feel they are abusing us, then we are not holding either individual accountable.

I finally found a book that has a chapter excerpt on accountability. It pertains to accountability with teams. The book is called: “The Advantage: Why Organizational Health Trumps Everything Else In Business” by Patrick Lencioni, he says:

“The irony of all this is that the only way for a team to develop a true culture of peer-to-peer accountability is for the leader to demonstrate that she is willing to confront difficult situations and hold people accountable herself. That’s right. The leader of the team, though not the primary source of accountability, will always be the ultimate arbiter of it. If she is reluctant to play that role–if she is a wuss who constantly balks when it’s time to call someone on their behavior or performance–then the rest of the team is not going to do their part. This makes sense. Why would a team member want to confront a colleague about an issue when the team leader isn’t willing to and is probably going to let them off the hook anyway?” (page: 56)

“At its core, accountability is about having the courage to confront someone about their deficiencies and then to stand in the moment and deal with their reaction, which may not be pleasant. It is a selfless act, one rooted in a word that I don’t use lightly in a business book: love. To hold someone accountable is to care about them enough to risk having them blame you for pointing out their deficiencies.” (page 57)

Wow. Never thought I would read that. Love. Caring enough about someone to call them out on their junk, their stuff, their baggage, even if it is uncomfortable. Are you setting goals for yourself and then not following through with them? Are you holding your team members and manager accountable?

Sometimes taking the harder road is the one that prompts us to grow. The tough route challenges us to look at life differently. Look at accountability in your life. Is it there? Are others holding you accountable? Are you holding others accountable?

Just something to mull over on your “hopefully” sunny Tuesday!

Living in the Moment…

Posted by random olio

I am loving the Daily Om from yesterday. It was titled: “Enjoying Life.” Or what I like to call: “Living in the Moment.” How easy it is for us to go through each day getting caught up with everything that is on our To-Do list, the meetings, and our regularly scheduled routine. We often forget to live in the moment. Whether that means that we are not listening to those we are close to while they share a story of their day, or we forget to notice the new buds on our trees, or we miss seeing that we are growing and being challenged each day.

I love this line from this Daily Om:

“There is so much to be enjoyed and appreciated that we need to remember to pay attention to the present moment, because it is the only space in which we can experience being alive.”

Who does not want to feel ALIVE? If we can only remember to do that – to stay alive and in the moment. Why is that so hard to do? Why do we get so caught up in the future, in all we have to do? Why is it SO hard to stay in the moment, whether that moment is painful, unhappy, or exciting and exuberant? I think when life is exciting and going the way we want it to it is easier to stay in the moment, but when we are overwhelmed, stressed, or fearful about the future, it is hard to stay in the NOW. So any and every reminder helps to draw us back into what is happening, to what we are feeling, to reality.

That is my mantra this week. To stay in the now. To be present for the good, the bad, the ugly, and the beautiful. Are you with me? Can we be present 100% together?

I am charging ahead, please join me.