gratitude

Shift

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I felt off last night. Do you ever have those days when things do not feel right, you feel out of sorts, but for the life of you, you cannot figure out why? Sometimes when I am in that space, I can get cranky, and other times I just feel quiet and introspective. As I was stretching after my run, I pondered if something had happened in my day that might have led me to feel this way. No dice. Nothing came to me clearly. How was I going to get out of my funk? I had gone for a run which usually helped. No luck.

As I continued to stretch the thought came to me, maybe your funk has to do with what you are not focusing on. Hmm. Interesting concept. I then remembered the different conversations I had, ones about specific internal work politics, which can sometimes irk me. I could review all that junk with you, but I will not bore you with the details. What was cool about this post-run/stretch was that when I shifted my thoughts to what I had not been focusing on, I realized I was not directing my thoughts to the right parts of my day.

When I enter that window where I can see my thought shifting the word that always comes to me is: gratitude. It is always that instant ah-ha moment that reminds me I have been mulling over the crappy stuff. If I were to reflect on my day I would say that I was grateful to catch up on a ton of work that I had not had the opportunity to sit and focus on for days. Sometimes it is the smallest of things that can start us down the path to move us from grump to a smile.

If only every day, we could have the clarity of thought to flip a coin and look at the other side. We can have that clarity, but do we do it? Now I cannot tell you that after all that I felt 100%. Instead I think I started the shift internally. Sometimes you have to see how to change course, call it a day, sleep well, and start fresh the next day.

Happy holiday weekend to you!

Extreme level of positivity…

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It has been a full week. In the end, news that might have been taken as bad news ended up being just the news I needed to hear. Which makes me grateful. It will allow me to breathe, stretch, and refocus. It is always funny to me when bad news can actually be good news. Just not always in the way we expect it.

This past weekend I had the opportunity to see a good friend that I had not seen in more than a year. We talk almost weekly, and I feel so privileged that she came to visit us in our new home. Her visit was an inspiration. She wanted to come out and help us pack and move and we were adamant that if she came to visit it was ONLY to hang out and play in Portland.

I wanted to share my admiration about my friend. She always looks at the glass on the table as FULL. Not half full. Not half empty. Always full. She is always positive. It is an inspiration, as I often can nit pick and find the crappy part of an experience. I like to pull things apart and try to better understand why individuals do certain things. In that process I sometimes get frustrated for why things have not been handled in a certain way. I quickly notice how things could be handled better. I see ways others could treat me or those around me better.

She sees the good regardless of the bad. That is not a quality I know of in many people. Her extreme level of positivity is contagious. It reminds me to take a step back and see things differently. The funny thing is that you might think: “extreme level of positivity” means that she is a Pollyanna. She is not. It is real and genuine. She truly sees so much good in others. She gives them the benefit of the doubt. She trusts more.

Thank you, dear friend. You are an inspiration to me. You always want to help and are not picky about how we spend time together. You are always so happy and content with your surroundings and yourself. I appreciate you and am grateful for what you bring to my life.

Happy Friday!

Don’t let the f**kers get you down…

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Yesterday was a rough day. I wonder if it was just in the air due to the election. If the results made some agitated and others gloriously happy. I am dismayed by some of the comments on Facebook that were just so negative towards President Obama. I dislike the hatred I see. There should still be respect for the office of the President.

My day felt like a boulder was laid on me as the hours turned from morning to afternoon. I struggled. I got mad. I vented. I felt put in an unfair position. Then I went for a run. I felt better. Then the nagging voices came back. Tears came to my eyes (which does not happen too often). I felt overwhelmed. Stressed. Uninspired. I took a hot, hot shower after my run. Why does that always help to solve problems? Okay, so maybe it does not solve any problems, but it helps to wash them away for a short period of time.

What kept coming to me while running, while showering, while driving home was gratitude. It is often that word that comes to my thought when I am frustrated. When I do not see an answer to a problem. Gratitude for what is. Clearer thoughts tend to come when I focus on gratitude: I am trying too hard. I need to take a step back and breathe and enjoy the moment. I need to learn to say no. I need to learn to ask for help. I cannot do everything, and I cannot make everyone happy.

I do not like certain decisions made, but they have been made. I do not appreciate the value they express, but that is not mine to decide. In the words of a print I purchased from a local artist: “Don’t let the f**kers get you down.” When I show my reaction, I have let them in. I have shown the signs of wear and tear.

My next steps are to repair, communicate, and move on. My inclination is to close up and not let those back in. Why do we often react in that way? Why do we live so often like a snapdragon, and open only to catch our prey, and then close back again?

I need peace of mind, freshness of direction, and that clear voice that tells me I am on the right path. I am ready for my answer. I am ready to feel at peace.

 

Tears of gratitude…

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Chris and I moved over the weekend. I had not mentioned it before because it is not official until it is OFFICIAL! Saturday morning Chris was meeting the movers, and I was getting the keys to our new place. On my drive over it was pouring down rain. Ah, Portland fall weather. Everyone is driving under the speed limit. Ah, Portland fall weather…

In any case, I am driving to our new place, and Bob Marley comes on the radio, and I start to cry. Now, here is the thing. I do not cry that often. When I do it usually hits me hard. At first I cannot figure out why I am crying. I think oh it is this mellow song. Then I think oh you are just utterly exhausted. Then it hits me.

They are tears of gratitude. Oh gosh, they are coming down now as I write this blog post. Gratitude of the adventure that Chris and I just started. Each step we take in life together is always better than the last experience. We have been living in a townhouse, so buying a house has been something we have wanted to do for a few years. The real estate market had not been in our favor, but that has gradually changed. Without boring you with all the details, we just purchased a beautiful house.

What brought tears to my eyes was the excitement for what is next, gratitude for how smooth the transaction went, and awe of what “home” will be for many years to come. Lastly, I think the tears were just a glimpse of what my life was as a child to now. It is not that I never had an imagination for what was possible as a kid, but my life has given me so much more than I could have ever imagined growing up poor in the Midwest. I am so grateful for what life has given me. My husband, my family, my job, my home. Tears of gratitude. I wiped them away, and drove into my new driveway to meet my realtor.

By the way, if you live in Portland and need an amazing realtor, send me a note.

Love what you have…

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Do you enjoy your life? Do you work hard to meet some unattainable goal? Do you ever wonder why you try so hard, and whether you are missing out on some other aspect of your life in the process?

I woke up this morning (of course not wanting to get out of bed), with an immense amount of gratitude and appreciation for what I have today. It is so easy to look forward at what is next, to anticipate that x or y will happen, and in doing so we lose sight of what is NOW, what is today. What if you were able to only look at what you had to accomplish today? What if we had no capacity to wonder how we will ever accomplish what is on our ongoing plate of to-dos, and we could only do what was possible today?

For those of you that know me well, or who have been following my blog for a while know that I have an interest in personal finance. As I have grown up, I’ve been in situations where life has forced me to understand the steps to take regarding wills, estates, living wills, life insurance, etc. This has led me to want to know more and understand what we can do to set up our financial future for ourselves and family (or future family).

Due to my interest in personal finance, I follow the LearnVest newsletter each day. Recently I found a newsletter I saved from January that really spoke to me about gratitude. While I do not think I have Money Comparisonitis, this newsletter on “Money Comparisonitis” (specifically the 4th bullet) can cross over to any area of our life. I also think the following points in their newsletter are good reminders:

“Be grateful for the things you already have, whether that means your health, close friendships, the love of your family or your fulfilling career.”

Later it says:

“One way to better appreciate the good things is to make a gratitude list every day, which will remind you of everything in your life you’re already grateful for. And, ultimately, that’s the best way to keep comparisonitis at bay.”

What if we lived in present gratitude instead of moments of anticipation? What is on my gratitude list will be different from what is on yours, but nevertheless we all have a lot to be grateful for.

It is almost time for the weekend. What if we focused on gratitude and appreciation for the next few days?!