Motherhood: Yes or No?

Posted by random olio

I recently turned 34. My mom was 34 when she had me. I was the third child, so she had three children by the time she was the age I currently am. I do not have any kids, but I am exploring what it would be like to have kids. I always hear from others, that you never feel ready, and it is the most wonderful thing that can happen to you. A few individuals have said bluntly, do not have kids. I appreciate the honesty of both viewpoints.

There are days when I just cannot imagine being a mom. The hard days when I am not feeling well, or I am extremely grumpy, the days when I cannot even imagine getting up early, getting all that I need to get done, in addition to caring for a little one. Chris and I decided we would wait for five years after we were married to start having kids, and it has been nine years now. So we are a little behind schedule, and neither of us seem to be scrambling to get started. We like our life the way it is right now. We like to sleep in, and go out to breakfast each weekend. I like to have my “me” time. Call it selfish, but we decided early on that this was to be my selfish time. I spent much of my life taking care of someone in my family, and I needed a break. My biggest concern with not starting now (or soon) is that it might become harder and harder to have kids the older I get.

On the other side, I love babies, and little ones. I can be completely in go, go, go mode and get down on the floor and play with a little one and forget all that was going on and everything I had to do. Hand me a baby and it will be hard for me to give it back. Their smiles, drool, funny expressions, their smell (well the good, fresh ones). I love the hugs, or the “I love you Aunt Tami”, the laughter, and just how easy it is to play with little ones. I love watching little ones learn, explore, and create their own worlds. They are just so precious.

Gosh, this is getting personal, but it is what is on my mind. If I wait, will I regret it?

We Deserve More On Airplanes

Posted by random olio

I am always in awe that an airplane can fly. I do not take that for granted. We get into a metal contraption, and fly through the friendly skies. It is a mostly natural event in many of our lives, and it used to be one that was a luxury. Today it seems to feel like herding cattle. It is no longer much fun, and no longer feels luxurious. Sure, we have the ability to have wi-fi Internet, while flying at 30,000 feet. Pretty amazing if you really think about it. In recent years, I have heard folks get pissed off on an airplane when the wi-fi or TVs do not work. Annoying right? I mean annoying that someone would complain about it. I mean you are flying 30,000 feet in the air. Yes, I will say it again, you are flying, quit complaining!

Having said all that my bone to pick (here is where that saying came from) is that they charge you for everything. We recently flew across the country on Delta. They are usually the airline we fly. I do not have any problems with Delta. In the last few months though they have put more fees on things. It is starting to get annoying. I fear that soon I will have to use my credit card to pay to use the bathroom whenever I fly. Trust me that could get expensive. Whatever happened to customer service and caring for your customers? Think back to when flying was a luxury and way less expensive. It was about service. The TV screen in the seat in front of me had movies and TV shows. They used to be free. Now it is $6 for a movie, and $6 for any amount of TV (or $1 a show). On our flight the TVs were not working. I was not annoyed that they were not working, I understand that happens. I was frustrated that we have yet another fee. Seriously. We pay hundreds and thousands of dollars to fly around the world and we have to pay more for a few hours of entertainment in a seat that we can barely move around in, while eating pretzels and horrible coffee. (It was. I even heard the flight attendant tell the other flight attendant the coffee they made was bad).

flight #1 TV broken

What has it come to? We now pay to check bags, we may eventually have to pay for our carry on bags. We have to pay for real food, and now we cannot even get free entertainment. Ugh. It is annoying. Yes, I am still grateful for the amazing feat that we can even fly the friendly skies, but airlines, if you are listening, save something to brag about – give us a little customer service. Please. A little can go a long way.

#2 flight – this plane needs to go into retirement

Happy Monday!

Are you a DINK? Or a DEWKs?

Posted by random olio

I think we have all heard of the term DINK, which is an acronym for: dual income no kids. Until recently I had not heard of the term DEWKs: dually employed with kids or SITCOM: single income, two children, oppressive mortgage. Right now I am feeling for the SITCOM, at least the OM part. All these acronyms come from the many ideas I read in: “All the Money in the World: What the Happiest People Know About Getting and Spending” by Laura Vanderkam.

She mentions talking to your children about money, and making it part of their upbringing. I do not have children yet, but I have a feeling that my kids will think I am like a broken record, because I will definitely be teaching them about money just as I will teach them about respect, love, trust, the list goes on. I want them to feel comfortable talking about money. I like what the author says in the following quote about an internal locus of control. This allows kids to chart their own course and work hard on their own merits. I know it has always felt nice when I have attained something on my own, rather than on the shirt tails of another.

“The best thing we can do for our kids, economically, is to teach them to be entrepreneurial. A big chunk of this is helping them develop an internal locus of control–that is, the belief that they are responsible for making their way in the world. No one is going to hand them a job or an opportunity. They will have to seek it out.” page. 139

Another ideal that I would like my kids to see me follow is that we are living within our means. I want to show them, whether with our own finances or with examples, how it is possible to live within your means based on choices that we make. I have seen so many horror stories on Oprah and other shows about parents that give their children everything they want and are not even remotely able to pay for it. To me this is “keeping up with the Jones.” Laura says that children’s mindsets are shaped between 8 and 12 years old.

“Talk about why a lower interest rate on a mortgage matters in terms of monthly payments, and if you’re working extra hours to afford a particular vacation or to get out of debt, make sure they see the connection. Keep in mind that in a cashless culture, kids may have a harder time grasping what money really is.” page 213

It should mean that children will have more respect for their parents and the material possessions they do have, and hopefully connect the dots to see all that a parent is doing to provide for their children. I can understand parents wanting to protect or shield their kids from knowing if things are tight, or that their financial situation is dire, however, I think it is possible to educate without instilling fear.

“If your children see you paying your bills on time, living on less than you make, and putting money away for the future, this becomes the norm. If your young children have savings accounts and simply learn that a percentage of birthday and holiday money always goes there, this will be an incredibly difficult habit to break later on. Saving will feel like brushing their teeth.” page 212

She also tells us to let children fail, that we should teach our kids the “value of the dollar.” She says to encourage children to figure out their values about money (and that means we should probably know ours). I learned my values about money the hard way. I had many jobs during college, juggling them to pay for school, while also babysitting on the side. Some friends got to sleep in and take classes all day (or have just 3 classes all day and that was all they were responsible for). I was in a work/study program and then worked extra on the side so I could go out and have a little spending money for food or a movie with friends. I definitely did not take what I earned for granted, I worked hard to pay for school, and knew what an opportunity my college education was for me.

So regardless of if you are a DINK, DEWK, or SITCOM, what are your money values?

The Art of Spray Paint

Posted by random olio

I am a fan of interesting graffiti. I know it is bad. Deep down I hate that individuals are tagging public or private property, but there is also an art to it that I truly love. I find that whenever we travel, my eye is led to the urban art and graffiti of the area. I usually snap a photo. But before I show you those, I must put the talented artist first. This spray painted face is amazing. I found it on David Kanigan’s blog. My favorite is the first one, which I have included here:

The detail and shading are incredible. Who knew what was possible with spray paint. If you want to view more of the artist’s work, you can go to David Walker’s website. This is the type of art I would like to see on a side of a building rather than it just being tagged.

I thought I would also share a few other photos I took in various cities. Scroll down and enjoy!

graffiti in Amsterdam

graffiti in Ventura, CA

graffiti in Portland

Spouse Inherits In Only 16 states

Posted by random olio

This is not the most exciting or thrilling topic, but it is an IMPORTANT one. I recently read this Forbes article: “Americans Lack Basic Estate Plans.” The part I want to point out though does not have to do with estate plans, but about the part that says:

“Even if there are no end of life questions, you need at least a basic will to make sure the right person gets your assets. Most couples without estates big enough to be taxable write “I love you” wills leaving everything to each other. But if a husband or wife dies without a will, the surviving spouse inherits everything in only 16 states.”

Fascinating. Did you know that? I did not.

After doing a bit of research it looks like it is called, the “Uniform Probate Code” and these are the 16 states: Alaska, Arizona, Colorado, Florida, Hawaii, Idaho, Maine, Michigan, Minnesota, Montana, Nebraska, New Mexico, North Dakota, South Carolina, South Dakota, and Utah. So if you are not in one of these 16 states it might be worthwhile to look into what the estate laws are for your state. I know I will be!

When each of my parents died, neither of them had a will, health insurance, life insurance, or a living will. My sister, brother, and I had to figure out what to do about funeral arrangements, how to pay for their bills, and deal with their remaining belongings. When my grandma died, she did have a will, but it was very outdated. It still had disbursement going to my mother who had been gone more than 10 years before her. The way her will was set up and worded meant that we spent a few years in probate, ending up in a very large portion of her estate going to probate fees, lawyer fees, and the bank (she had the bank as one of the executors of her will). Bank as executor = lots of lost money. The bank has to sign a lot of the paperwork and they do it in their own time, while charging a monthly fee. It was a mess, and a long, drawn out process that took a few years.

I have heard good reviews that you can go to LegalZoom to have a will put together inexpensively online. If you do not have a will, take the steps now to do so. Especially if you have children!