Relationships

Have you read the book: The Five Love Languages? by Gary Chapman. It is a slow book, but the ideas in it are ones that apply to romantic and platonic relationships. I read it a few years ago, but constantly refer to it in conversations. It has continued to be a great way to dive into relationships and how others relate to each other, whether in a good relationship, a new relationship, or one that is struggling.

The background on his book is that we each have a language with how we feel most loved. Take for example your significant other (if you have one, if not then replace with your good friend, or a family member). Think about what you feel they need to feel most loved. I will list below the five love languages. I will say this again: The key is to think about what THEY most need that makes them feel loved. Try to come up with the top two out of the five. Once you have figured out what their top two are, think about what your top two are – what makes you feel the most loved?

The five love languages are:

Gift Giving
Words of Affirmation
Quality Time
Physical Touch
Acts of Service

You can find more details and definitions of each of the love languages at the above link. My top two languages of love are: Quality Time and Acts of Service. This means when Chris knows I have had a rough day and it is not over yet, that if he takes care of some chore he knows I will try to do even if I am operating on 10% energy, it will make me feel loved. He knows that my language (Acts of Service) means he is thinking about me and what I need without even asking me.

I also really appreciate quality time with each other. These days with all that we have on our plates, quality time is such an important language of love. It says I care and love you enough to put down my phone, turn off the TV, shut my computer and focus on you. You may or may not have the same love language as your significant other. What is important for me is that I know what his love languages are and that I focus on how to show him love through his love languages.

a photo from a friend.

What are your love languages? Have you shared your love languages with others? It is an important conversation for others to know how to best love you!

Yesterday I woke up after a strange dream and had many thoughts instantly come into my head that had nothing to do with my dream. What a strange way to wake up on a Sunday morning. The following is what came into my thought. Good thing I have a pen and pad of paper next to my bed…

There never seems to be enough time in the day to accomplish all that needs to get done. There are usually too many lenses to look through, and too many things to focus on. Often we are juggling too many things and it means we cannot focus well on any of them. The same goes for people in our lives. I am a fan of having fewer close friends, than many non-close acquaintances. The more individuals we have to devote our attention to, the less depth we can give to others.

It is like being at a large party or a big wedding. How many times have you been to a wedding, and never really had the opportunity to connect with the bride or groom? Was it because of the large volume of people the bride/groom have to attend to on their wedding day? Did you feel more like just another body attending the event? Many times at large events, the more individuals that are involved, the less intimacy and connection happens.

Depth is lost by more numbers.

Just like when you take a photo of a large group of people, you cannot zoom closer in with the lens to include everyone, you have to go further away. I crave smaller, closer connections. I would rather zoom in than out, and allow for greater connection and intimacy.

Thoughts on my random morning wake up brain dump?