Blogs

Listen to what people do

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Sometimes short and sweet makes an idea stick. I have been thinking about my actions and the actions of others. So often we are let down because of what others tell us they are going to do, and then they let us down. Maybe they do not follow through with what they told us they would do, (you know when it is just lip service). Or maybe it is the complete opposite, maybe they do not talk often but they show you their true being by what they did (or did not do). A recent blog post from Seth Godin, that was short and sweet really made me think:

“Two ways to listen

You can listen to what people say, sure.

But you will be far more effective if you listen to what people do.”

What if we started talking less (I am the first to say I need to do this) and watch our actions more? Does what we do matter more than what we say? Does showing someone we love them stick more than saying the words: “I love you”?

Do we really listen to what people do? What someone does shows intent and often leaves a lasting impact where words can sometimes be forgotten. It does not mean that words are completely lost, but what you experience with another is often hard to forget. It is why the phase: “actions speak louder than words” is so common to say, but do we often think about that when we take action? Probably not, but we should.

Listening to what people do is also an act of patience, so is listening to what people say. Listening to what people do just takes more conscious effort. When someone is standing before you there is more of an obligation to focus on them, make eye contact, and give them your time as you listen to them talk. There is no obligation to listen to what people do. That takes another layer of effort and care. You probably listen more to someone’s actions when you feel you have been wronged, but do you listen when they do something good? My hunch is that we all can do better to share our gratitude for others when we listen and see the good they have brought to our life.

Here is to a week of more active listening. Thank you, Seth.

100 Happy Days

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I have been seeing a ton of folks embark on 100 Happy Days, and I think it is time I joined them. I mean why not right? I know the next few weeks/months are going to be crazy for me, and so why not add another thing to the mix? I have been wanting to begin taking more pictures, and if I do this challenge, my Instagram connections might hate me after I show them how boring the next 100 days will be and how much I work, but oh well.

Have you heard of 100 Happy Days? It is a challenge that is meant to get you to share a photo of what made you happy that day for the next 100 days. They have set it up so you can share your photos publicly or privately, but the main idea is that you focus on what made you happy that day. Here are results from the challenge that were listed on their website:

“Start noticing what makes them happy every day:

  • Be in a better mood every day;
  • Be in a better mood every day;
  • Start receiving more compliments from other people;
  • Realize how lucky they are to have the life they have;
  • Become more optimistic;
  • Fall in love during the challenge.”

Often at the end of the day I will write in a journal, as a way to decompress from the day. (Really it starts with my run when I get home from work, and the writing comes just before bed). I process, explore, and resolve my world through the words that come out of my fingertips. There are moments of gratitude, moments of frustration, and moments of aha. 100 Happy Days will take it one step further to require me to notice those happy moments as they happen, and not as I recollect them at the end of the day.

Want to join me?

“Human Bandwidth Manager”

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I am not sure how many of you watch Portlandia (if you do not you are missing out). Okay, honestly not every episode is amazing, but some are very clever. I compare it to a skit in an episode of Saturday Night Live. Some are winners and hilarious and others are horrible. The same goes for Portlandia. One recent episode had a sketch about our digital footprint.

Carrie Brownstein feels completely overwhelmed by all the emails, Facebook messages, texts, likes, etc that she gets all day. She decides to declare social bankruptcy. She goes into a bank to file papers to remove all of her online profiles. The guy on the other side of the desk (Kumail Nanjiani) basically tells her that everything will be deleted (Twitter followers, voicemail, her ‘social’ debt, etc). She signs the papers, and her social identity no longer exists. Her own friends do not even recognize or remember her. Is that what our world has become? We are only known through who we are on Instagram or Facebook? The man even has a nameplate on his desk that says: “Human Bandwidth Manager.” Clever. Rather than tell you what happens you can go online and watch it here.

It made me start to think as I have those days where I cannot imagine reading another email, opening another text, checking Facebook, because it all just feels too much. We have either embarked or wished we had the self control to take a day or a week away from social media. You hear folks all the time say they are going to detox from their smart phone or social networks. There are even three pages of articles on The Huffington Post just on “Social Media Addiction” and that is just one website.

I can attest that I at times am addicted. I blog, I Facebook (wow I just used it as a verb), I email, text, and quasi Instagram and sometimes tweet. I also enjoy my time away. I love syncing my emails and seeing nothing new (it makes the world feel quiet). Yet, are we so saturated that individuals have to go on a social detox, or maybe a social identity crisis? While Portlandia was making fun, will “Human Bandwidth Manager” be a job of the future?

What do you think?

Fiber filled gratitude

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“Gratitude is like fiber.” I love this line. It fills me up. Ha. No pun intended. It is a great visual reminder on days when things might feel murky. I have not had one of those days lately, but I know when they hit. You often wonder, “why me?” How did I get into this slump, or why do I have to go through this situation? No matter what lies before you, “Gratitude is like fiber” is the reminder you need. Right? If you are feeling off, or grumpy, or frustrated, look within and think about how much you are filled with gratitude, and if you are lacking in the fiber department, start bulking up. Add the lentils, black beans, brown rice of gratitude into your thoughts.

You can call me a Pollyanna all you want, but I think Kristin Armstrong has it right. Yes, I am still talking about her and her book: Mile Markers. This is my third blog post on this book, and there may be more. This is definitely my favorite book of 2014. Here is the full quote:

“I realized the power I had over my own thoughts. I could have a good or bad day simply by being more conscientious about choosing my mood. Gratitude is like fiber. Fill up on that and it takes up so much room that other things (like negative thinking, resentment, or pity) are crowded out. We are satiated. By focusing on what is, we forget to think about what is not. Even by being thankful for not having things that we don’t want, we are replete.” page 273

Just as we need to be more conscientious about selecting the food that fuels us (think fruits and vegetables, and not sugar and white flour) we can be just as selective about the thoughts we bring into our mind and how those thoughts impact our mood. I guarantee you that we all have more in our life than we can ever imagine, and if we just take time to think about all that good, we have less crevices in our thoughts to think about the bad.

I am sure I have mentioned this before in a blog, but I remember at probably one of the lowest times in my life as a kid: my dad was out of the picture, my mom in ICU, my sister and I living on our own, my sister sent me a Turkey Gram at school. Turkey Grams around Thanksgiving were purchased and brought to your classroom (almost like getting flowers or candy) and it felt special to be singled out with one. My Turkey Gram said: “It cannot get worse, it can only get better than we can ever imagine.” Whether my sister knew it or not, that was the fiber I needed to fill me and not give space to the life we were living.

How can you be your own fiber to fill you up with good, and what can you do to be the fiber in someone’s day?