Suppressing feelings

Posted by random olio

Say what is on your mind. Say it directly. Say exactly what you mean. Do not hold back. What do you lose by saying exactly what you are thinking? Will others judge you? Maybe. Will they laugh at you? Possibly. Does it matter? No. If you want to be completely and utterly yourself, then you have to be you and part of that means saying what is on your mind.

I am direct. I have an opinion and it can come out strongly. Does that mean that I do not want to hear what others have to say? Not in the least. I encourage a healthy debate. Your opinion may sway me. I may learn something new that just may bring an aha moment for me that will create a speedy excitement of new ways of doing things. You never know.

I see it all the time. Individuals that suppress their feelings. They are afraid to say what is really on their mind. When that happens it means they are not really being true to themselves. They are hiding behind what they think others want them to say, do, feel. Why do we do that? Why is it so hard to be unequivocally ourselves? Why do we sometimes sensor ourselves? Or not share what we are really feeling? I constantly go back to ideas that resonated with me from Brene Brown’s book: “Daring Greatly” such as:

“Give me the courage to show up and let myself be seen.” Page 42

Is that what we are doing when we say what is on our mind? When we have no filter, and do not suppress our thoughts?

I dare you. Do it. Say what is on your mind.

A dress for a big moment

Posted by random olio

I was thinking recently about a resident counselor I had in college. She was always a support to me and all the other girls she had to keep an eye on. But one memory stands out about how she went above and beyond for me.

It was my senior year and just days before my graduation. My college graduation felt very underwhelming to me. I had finished four years of college and could not wait to be done and move on with whatever was next. It was bittersweet. It would be the first “big moment” that neither of my parents would be there to see. My mom had been gone for 6 years and my dad had passed away in January of that same year. My graduation was just a few days after my 22nd birthday.

My resident counselor cleared me from my classes and final exams and took a friend and me into the city to play for the day. She told us she needed to run by the mall. I thought nothing of it. Once inside she told me that for my birthday she was going to get me a graduation dress. Looking at my good friend’s face, I knew she was in on this surprise. While I had other dresses I could have worn for my graduation, it meant a lot to me that she thought how hard this time must have been for me. To have it be my first birthday with no parents at all, and to know that I was accepting my diploma with no parents watching in the audience. It felt right to have a new dress for the occasion and, while I was slightly embarrassed, I went with it. We found a dress and then went to eat and be together. I do not remember much about that birthday with them, but I remember the dress and how loved I felt.

I had family at my graduation. My grandma, sister, brother, and my mom’s cousin were all there. Great friends came from Michigan to see me and witness this big day in my life, but it was still hard. There were definitely moments where I felt like this is not the way my college graduation was supposed to go. In many ways I wanted it to be over as fast as possible. Sometimes we never know how much a gesture of kindness can matter to someone else.

I still remember the exact dress I picked out that day.

Playing in the summer heat

Posted by random olio

I am in a playful mood. Maybe it is because we are heading into a three-day holiday weekend, and I am looking forward to sleeping in, being with friends, getting some projects done, and relaxing. It is amazing what an extra day in your weekend can do for your spirit. I am not really a holiday person, but I relish the idea of getting to have some down time, and to be quiet with Chris. It is hard to believe that it is already July. Do you ever wake up and wonder where all the time has gone?

Summers for me growing up, (that I can remember) meant humidity, box fans, and sweat. I never complained, it was what life was like growing up in the Midwest. We never had air conditioning, so I remember my mom often making our sheets cold/wet and we each had a box fan blowing on us to cool off. I did not know any better. Except when I spent time at my grandma’s house – yes, she had air conditioning. I think I must have loved my bed too much to care, otherwise I think I would have tried to spend as much time as possible at my grandma’s house.

Ah, summer. I remember riding my bike, going through the woods to the Village Pantry (aka our local 7 Eleven, ahh the joys of candy), and my paper route. I babysat a lot of kids in the neighborhood, so maybe you could say I worked my ass off during the summer. I must have appreciated all those homes that had air conditioning.

I hope you have a playful, laid back, fun, and family/friend filled holiday weekend. Be safe, and appreciate all those that you are with over the weekend. We all have so much to be grateful for – play hard and tell someone how much they mean to you.

Happy Fourth of July!

How you deal with it

Posted by random olio

It is summer. Yesterday it was 99 degrees in Portland. A random day of heat. Even though it is the beginning of July, we are still catching up on our DVR from shows we recorded months ago. One of the shows we are a bit behind on is: Californication. A bit of a different spin to this season. They are trying to introduce new characters, and while I have not been much of a fan of this season, an idea was shared in an episode that has me pondering life.

“This is what defines you; how you deal with it.”

So often we think about the legacy we leave behind whether in our job, our family, our friendships, or community. Yet, maybe we are thinking about it all wrong. Maybe we care more about what others think about some impact we made. “I accomplished [insert project name] faster and better than anyone else.” In the grand scheme of things does it really matter? Would you rather be remembered for how you treated others, how you dealt with each obstacle, each challenge, and each triumph? Would it be better if someone said: “They rocked this project because of HOW they were faster, better, different, smarter.” It is more descriptive. It speaks more to the qualities that allow us to be leaders, drivers, and changers of the status quo.

How you react. How you handle situations. How you deal. It all matters, and often is what others remember about us most. Were you empathetic, passionate, reactive, passive aggressive? Did you listen to them? Did you follow through with what you said? Were you distracted? As with a recent blog post on listening, how you respond and handle yourself and the situation you are in is how you make others feel. That is what is remembered. That is what defines you.

How do you want to be defined? How do you want to be remembered?

Kick ass like a girl

Posted by random olio

I am a girl. I kick ass like a girl. I run like a girl. I am sassy like no boy could ever be. I am me. I am a girl. I run, sweat profusely, and would challenge any boy, even if they are stronger, fiercer, and could truly kick my butt. That does not stop me from stepping up to the starting line and saying: prove it.

“Always” feminine products have a new ad campaign. For those of you that are frequent readers of my blog, you will know I am not a fan of traditional advertising, where soap companies try to use feminism to leverage our purchasing power for their products. I am not a fan. I happen to be a purchaser of Always products (apologies if that is TMI), but I do not purchase them because of their ad campaigns. I purchase because they are the right products for what I want to use. They are lucky for my support.

Yesterday, I came across their new ad campaign, “Like a Girl” with the tagline: “Rewrite the Rules.” You will want to watch for yourself, but before you do, I will tell you I started getting all irritated in the beginning because I think someone needs to be more passionate about what it means to be a girl. Eventually near the end you see some quasi passion, but I think they could have done better to cast young girls with real passion for what it means to be a girl.

Here is hoping you teach your daughters to be loud, bold, and passionate about their girlhood. Hear them roar. See them being proud of who they are as girls/women. My hope is that they are sassy. That they swing their arms, run fast, and kick butt.