Family

Timeout for our addictions?

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How many of you would benefit from a safe in your home that allows you to put an item inside and not be allowed to have it back until the timer on top lets you back into the safe? How many of you would benefit from being blocked from the sweets, candy, or beverages in your home? Maybe it is not about being blocked from sweets, maybe it is Candy Crush on your cell phone, or your Wii remote? I recently found this cookie jar/kitchen storage bin called: The Kitchen Safe. The lid has a digital timer on top that allows you to lock up any item and only be allowed in after a certain number of seconds, minutes, hours, or days. (It will lock up to 10 days).

The idea originated as a way to control junk food cravings, and has led to controlling many other household/lifestyle cravings. The Overview page on their website shows a variety of items locked away, toys, video games, credit cards, cigarettes, and cell phones to name a few. It sounds like The Kitchen Safe is just the product to allow for timeouts on our favorite addictions. For kids and adults. At the moment only the clear bin is available for purchase on their website. The white version is out of stock until Summer 2014. A clever idea to offer both options. I imagine the white is out of stock, because if you do not have to look at what is locked away, while you wait to be able to open the safe it may be much easier on you (or your kids and family). The clear safe encourages a bit of self-control, because what is stopping you from smashing it? The $49.95 price tag. A high price to pay for a little bit of discipline.

Controlling temptation is hard to master. Hopefully The Kitchen Safe will help along the way, that is if you have not taken a hammer to it first. Here is the video from their website to show you how it works:

You are responsible for you.

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I have wanted to frame the quote: “You are responsible for the energy you bring into this home.” I think of that idea often. It can translate into so many other places. “You are responsible for the energy you bring to this company, this job, this friendship, this marriage.” We are each responsible for our own energy. Do you think about that before entering or responding to a situation? Do you put yourself first, and think responsibly about the state of your energy before helping or saying: “Yes” to others? It will matter and help or hinder your ability to respond appropriately.

You are in the driver’s seat. Sometimes I think we forget that. We think “well I could not get out of this situation, it happened, it was bad timing.” Sometimes that might be true, but other times we have a choice, and we either forget, or do not challenge ourselves to be our best selves. You do truly create each moment of your day. Well…actually, you create how you react to each moment of each day. The best way to do so is to put yourself first. It is not selfish, it is self-care to make sure you are grounded and prepared to handle any curve balls that are thrown your way. I recently caught up on a stack of old Fast Company magazines, and found this article by Devora Zack. The article is about managers that suck, which is funny because I am not at all interested in the title of the article, but found this great quote, on what we can focus on, and control. It could be popped right out of the article and speak for itself:

“In fact, you only directly control three things in the entire world. Interestingly, none of these are other people. You are in charge of your thoughts, your words, and your actions. That’s it. Most of us neglect these three key items, however. Instead we direct our precious, limited energy on thinking and talking about how others should be different. This is fruitless and even lazy. As long as I’m focused on what’s wrong with you, I don’t need to pay any attention to improving me.”

As Zack states, we have control over our thoughts, words, and actions. We probably all know that already. We just forget about it. Together let’s focus our energy on what matters. Focus on our ourselves, and watch the energy we bring into each conversation. I have a hunch that the more you focus on it the more aware you will be on how you handle your energy in good and bad situations.

Why skip engaging?

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Engagement is incredibly important to me. It matters in so many areas of life. Of course you can imagine that I will tell you that engagement matters in my marriage, you better believe it does! Focused conversation, feeling heard, and a give-and-take engaged conversation is what makes for a happy and successful marriage. Without that what is the point? I want to know that I am always paying attention and engaged in Chris’ life, that he is doing the same for me. When it becomes part of your every day, it is not hard, it becomes part of you.

Engaging with others also matters at work. Do you pay attention to your co-workers or employees? Do you listen and engage in their questions and ideas? Or do you come to a meeting with the decision already made and only bring them in so they think you care? When I read Seth Godin’s recent blog: “The hard work of understanding” I thought “Godin gets it right again.” The full excerpt of his post is here, (the bold lines for my own emphasis):

“Sometimes, we’re so eager to have an opinion that we skip the step of working to understand. Why is it the way it is? Why do they believe what they believe? We skip reading the whole thing, because it’s easier to jump to what we assume the writer meant. We skip engaging with customers and stakeholders because it’s quicker to assert we know what they want. We skip doing the math, examining the footnotes, recreating the experiment, because it might not turn out the way we need it to. We better hurry, because the firstest, loudest, angriest opinion might sway the crowd. And of course, it’s so much easier now, because we all own our own media companies.”

It makes me think that when we try to move through our lives so fast, we miss others along the way. We miss engaging with them, connecting with them, we miss understanding them. Instead of going through each day, each meeting, so fast, what if we focused, listened, connected, and engaged with others? I think it is doable, sometimes we just need to stop, breathe, and think about what experience we bring to those around us. Are you with me?

Hug it out, release, remember that you are loved.

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I used to be an intense hugger. Well, I still am, but I used to be with lots of people, now I am a lot more selective. Maybe time and the world has made me less of a hugger, but I remember as a very small child that I would hug with a fierceness and not let go. I am not sure what that was all about, but I can visually remember being a hardcore hugger. What happened? Did I learn that I had to be careful who I hugged? Did I not get hugs in return? I am not completely sure, but I know something shifted in my life and I became more aware and cautious about my hugging. Part of it saddens me. Why?

A hug is a wonderful thing. It can completely change a moment. You can be angry with your spouse, disagree, and they can encompass you with their entire body into a hug and it can make all the anger and frustration melt and ooze out of your body. A hug can essentially heal a moment.

A hug can comfort you. Have you ever had a time when you had no idea that something was bugging you and a friend or family member could tell that you need a hug? The moment you are embraced, you melt. You start with shedding a tear, and the comfort and safe arms around you turns you into a blubbering mess. It has happened to me with close friends, family members, and co-workers. A hug can release the most pent-up issues in life.

A hug can make you feel loved. In my marriage I am a hugger (well, we both are). Yes, I can share with you that of course I love the passion of a kiss, but a hug comforts, supports, and shares something deep. It reminds you that you matter. A hug can ground you and reinforce just how much you are loved.

Hug it out, release, and remember that you are loved. Right now. Today.

Do Nothing When…

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You know when you take a vacation day and you decide to go ahead and check your email, and then regret it for the rest of the day? You agonize over the annoying email you received. You get frustrated. You cannot stop thinking about it.

I found this amazing article last week called: “5 Ways to Do Nothing and Become More Productive” that I keep going back to as a reminder. Why is it so good? It is a reminder to do nothing. I know that may sound lazy, or maybe zen like. Actually what I took away from the article was not about productivity, and more about taking a stand for yourself, which may lead to do doing nothing. I might have titled it: “5 Ways to Do Nothing and Be Your Best You.” I am not going to go over all the points in the article, just the few:

“Doing nothing when you’re angry.” It is always best to take a walk and let some steam off instead of reacting and responding when you are pissed off. Taking that breather makes you a better person, but not really more productive.

“Do nothing when you’re anxious.” This is an interesting one. The author shares an example of someone telling you they need to talk to you about something, and oh yes it is Friday at 5 pm so you have to wait. I do not really think that your frustration to them telling you on your way out the door is anxiety, it just feels wrong. Not that I am perfect, but it does mean the other person could potentially think about it all weekend and wonder how the conversation will go. I would change this one to read: ‘Do nothing when you’re left in the dark.’ Just wait until you have all the information, then get angry, frustrated, or maybe it is good news. If so, then get happy.

“Do nothing when you want to be liked.” This one is a big one. We all do it. We do it for our spouses, family, friends, coworkers, bosses. What if we did what we wanted, or we did the right thing, but not because we will let our mom, friend, or boss down, or make them happy? What if we truly did not care what others thought, we listened to our gut, and responded in that way?

I loved the premise of the article, and I am inspired. This week I will be thinking about doing nothing when I am angry (well taking a breather), doing nothing when I am left in the dark, and letting go of being liked. Take a moment to read the article and see when you will do nothing…