Love in your heart

Posted by random olio

We all struggle with others. Somedays are better than others. You know when a sibling, or co-worker bug you or just get on your nerves. We agonize over what happened yesterday, or the conversation we overheard. It often leads to different thoughts, not always good ones that cross our mind. We judge, question, and ponder what happened.

What if we took a step back and loved them anyways? Of course you probably love your sibling, but that does not mean we always hold love in our hearts for them. There is a difference. They might get on your nerves one day, and just because you love them does not mean the thoughts you think of them are ones of love, goodness, or happiness. So, what if you let go of what happened and hold only good thoughts for them? What would that do for you?

There have been days I have tried this, to just let go of what happened, and think only good thoughts about the person that has frustrated me. It is not easy. So often we want to saturate ourselves in the experience we had, the way we were treated or wronged, and we want to hold a grudge. What if we were bigger than that? What if we wallowed for just a second, and then let it go and moved on with our life? We could then free space in our mind and thoughts for good. Just as the quote to the left states…”the more you will establish good in yourself.”

I am going to try it this week. Thinking about the thoughts I think towards others, and deciding to let go of the crap, and think of the good. Others deserve that from us, and is it not what you would want from others?

Surprisologist.

Posted by random olio

A surprisologist. I like it. I am probably the worst person to be called a surprisologist. One year for Chris’ birthday I planned a trip to San Francisco. As it got closer to the trip I could not contain the surprise, I just had to tell him. Partly I wanted him to be able to get excited by our trip and start to think about whether there were any special places he might want to go, and partly I just could not contain my surprise any longer. How did I break the news to him? I told him I wanted him to open a birthday gift early, and I wrapped a box of Rice-a-Roni “a San Francisco treat” and asked if he could guess his gift. I no longer remember his face or response, but let me just let you know the moral is I am not good with surprises.

I recently read a Ted blog about a woman (Tania Luna) who is a surprisologist. She has started a company called Surprise Industries and well let’s just say she has me curious. One of the things she lists in the TED blog is how we always surround ourselves with what is comfortable, with people we know, and that we rarely break outside of our comfort zone and find ways to meet new people (and well get excited about it).

What could you do that would add a little surprise to your life? Maybe it is a little thing to surprise your spouse or kids once in a while, or maybe it is adding flavor to how you engage with others. Take that belly dancing class, hip hop, or heck, go country line dancing. In this quote from the article, Luna tells us that surprises can teach us to grow and reach:

“Few people follow their dreams or take positive risks — not because it’s difficult or even scary, but because we avoid that sensation of uncertainty that we call awkwardness. Learn to love it. Remind yourself that discomfort means you are growing AND reaching someplace special that few people dare to go. Try a hobby that looks awful. Talk to a stranger.”

I would lose count of the number of people who avoid awkwardness. Who likes feeling awkward? However, feeling awkward could lead to feeling brave. Feeling brave can lead you to feeling badass. Who does not want to feel badass? I am not saying you have to go pet snakes if they freak you out. Maybe just go introduce yourself to a stranger at your next charity function or company picnic. I know I have work to do. Whether or not I can keep a surprise inside, I could definitely add some flavor to the surprise I bring to my world. What about you?

Timeout for our addictions?

Posted by random olio

How many of you would benefit from a safe in your home that allows you to put an item inside and not be allowed to have it back until the timer on top lets you back into the safe? How many of you would benefit from being blocked from the sweets, candy, or beverages in your home? Maybe it is not about being blocked from sweets, maybe it is Candy Crush on your cell phone, or your Wii remote? I recently found this cookie jar/kitchen storage bin called: The Kitchen Safe. The lid has a digital timer on top that allows you to lock up any item and only be allowed in after a certain number of seconds, minutes, hours, or days. (It will lock up to 10 days).

The idea originated as a way to control junk food cravings, and has led to controlling many other household/lifestyle cravings. The Overview page on their website shows a variety of items locked away, toys, video games, credit cards, cigarettes, and cell phones to name a few. It sounds like The Kitchen Safe is just the product to allow for timeouts on our favorite addictions. For kids and adults. At the moment only the clear bin is available for purchase on their website. The white version is out of stock until Summer 2014. A clever idea to offer both options. I imagine the white is out of stock, because if you do not have to look at what is locked away, while you wait to be able to open the safe it may be much easier on you (or your kids and family). The clear safe encourages a bit of self-control, because what is stopping you from smashing it? The $49.95 price tag. A high price to pay for a little bit of discipline.

Controlling temptation is hard to master. Hopefully The Kitchen Safe will help along the way, that is if you have not taken a hammer to it first. Here is the video from their website to show you how it works:

You are responsible for you.

Posted by random olio

I have wanted to frame the quote: “You are responsible for the energy you bring into this home.” I think of that idea often. It can translate into so many other places. “You are responsible for the energy you bring to this company, this job, this friendship, this marriage.” We are each responsible for our own energy. Do you think about that before entering or responding to a situation? Do you put yourself first, and think responsibly about the state of your energy before helping or saying: “Yes” to others? It will matter and help or hinder your ability to respond appropriately.

You are in the driver’s seat. Sometimes I think we forget that. We think “well I could not get out of this situation, it happened, it was bad timing.” Sometimes that might be true, but other times we have a choice, and we either forget, or do not challenge ourselves to be our best selves. You do truly create each moment of your day. Well…actually, you create how you react to each moment of each day. The best way to do so is to put yourself first. It is not selfish, it is self-care to make sure you are grounded and prepared to handle any curve balls that are thrown your way. I recently caught up on a stack of old Fast Company magazines, and found this article by Devora Zack. The article is about managers that suck, which is funny because I am not at all interested in the title of the article, but found this great quote, on what we can focus on, and control. It could be popped right out of the article and speak for itself:

“In fact, you only directly control three things in the entire world. Interestingly, none of these are other people. You are in charge of your thoughts, your words, and your actions. That’s it. Most of us neglect these three key items, however. Instead we direct our precious, limited energy on thinking and talking about how others should be different. This is fruitless and even lazy. As long as I’m focused on what’s wrong with you, I don’t need to pay any attention to improving me.”

As Zack states, we have control over our thoughts, words, and actions. We probably all know that already. We just forget about it. Together let’s focus our energy on what matters. Focus on our ourselves, and watch the energy we bring into each conversation. I have a hunch that the more you focus on it the more aware you will be on how you handle your energy in good and bad situations.

Why skip engaging?

Posted by random olio

Engagement is incredibly important to me. It matters in so many areas of life. Of course you can imagine that I will tell you that engagement matters in my marriage, you better believe it does! Focused conversation, feeling heard, and a give-and-take engaged conversation is what makes for a happy and successful marriage. Without that what is the point? I want to know that I am always paying attention and engaged in Chris’ life, that he is doing the same for me. When it becomes part of your every day, it is not hard, it becomes part of you.

Engaging with others also matters at work. Do you pay attention to your co-workers or employees? Do you listen and engage in their questions and ideas? Or do you come to a meeting with the decision already made and only bring them in so they think you care? When I read Seth Godin’s recent blog: “The hard work of understanding” I thought “Godin gets it right again.” The full excerpt of his post is here, (the bold lines for my own emphasis):

“Sometimes, we’re so eager to have an opinion that we skip the step of working to understand. Why is it the way it is? Why do they believe what they believe? We skip reading the whole thing, because it’s easier to jump to what we assume the writer meant. We skip engaging with customers and stakeholders because it’s quicker to assert we know what they want. We skip doing the math, examining the footnotes, recreating the experiment, because it might not turn out the way we need it to. We better hurry, because the firstest, loudest, angriest opinion might sway the crowd. And of course, it’s so much easier now, because we all own our own media companies.”

It makes me think that when we try to move through our lives so fast, we miss others along the way. We miss engaging with them, connecting with them, we miss understanding them. Instead of going through each day, each meeting, so fast, what if we focused, listened, connected, and engaged with others? I think it is doable, sometimes we just need to stop, breathe, and think about what experience we bring to those around us. Are you with me?