My mother was a…

Posted by random olio

Giver. She gave, and gave, and gave. I suppose that is why it is in my nature to help others, to problem solve, be a listening ear, and support to those around me. I saw my mom give her time to her children, her mother, her husband, the kids she took care of, the children she taught in school, her church, and when there was time left over the few friends she had.

I often look back and wonder why my mom did not spend much time socializing with friends or neighbors and I realize now that she did not have the time. Often she worked two jobs, helped us with our homework, made dinner for the family, at times packed our lunches, planned the grocery list and meals for the week, cleaned the house (separate from the jobs that were our chores), and took care of all those people in the above list. I often wonder how she did it all, and yet I am in some ways living her life, minus the kids and two jobs. Yet, how many of us work the hours of two jobs? Life will definitely change for me when little bambinos enter our home. Focus will change, priorities will change, life will change. Yet, will I do less?

Whatever happened in the world that made us (women especially) think that we had to do it all? Is there a time when the cord that keeps us going begins to fade — sort of like your laptop battery that eventually no longer holds the charge? Or are women of the “rechargeable” battery variety that after enough recharge we can continue like the Energizer bunny? Is there ever a breaking point? I love it and I hate it. I love the energy, the problems to solve, and that no day is ever the same, but is there ever a reset button? If you walk away for a day or a week, it becomes almost impossible to catch up on emails, voicemails, and pieces of projects that need to be adjusted. Do we do too much? Do we give too much?

My mom was a giver and she died at the age of 50. Was it her lifestyle, or just the journey of her role in the universe? I will never know if she loved or hated the roller coaster she was on. She did it all for everyone else, I can only imagine and hope that she was invigorated by those she helped, all she did, and that her life never had a dull moment — there was not time for that!

Are you a giver?

A Phenomenal Woman

Posted by random olio

I am sure a lot of people are writing and sharing about Maya Angelou today, yesterday, and in the coming weeks. She deserves the fanfare. A stellar woman, with so much poise, brilliance, and badassness. The Internet is buzzing with her quotes, thoughts about her life, and how she inspired millions upon millions of people in the course of her life. I love, love, love her last tweet:

Listen to yourself and in that quietude you might hear the voice of God. 11:43 AM – 23 May 2014

I wonder what was going through her thoughts, if she was coherent, if she was so closely talking to God. Regardless, she shared such wisdom with the world, and we are all the better for it.

One of my all time favorite Maya Angelou poems is: “Phenomenal Woman.” In case you have not read it, it still brings tears to my eyes. I think I first read it in college. It was one of those poems that I instantly memorized and often has come back to my thoughts. I often wonder if it was the first time that I actually thought about the idea of a woman being “phenomenal.” Sad, but true. Here is the first verse, but I encourage you to click the above link and read the entire poem.

Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.

I’m not cute or built to suit a fashion model’s size

But when I start to tell them,

They think I’m telling lies.

I say, It’s in the reach of my arms

The span of my hips,

The stride of my step,

The curl of my lips.

I’m a woman

Phenomenally.

Phenomenal woman,

That’s me.

I only hope that we can continue to raise our girls to know they are phenomenal — whatever their age, background, or disposition. Here is also a past blog post with another favorite Maya Angelou quote.

How we handle it matters.

Posted by random olio

There have been a few situations in the past few weeks that have irked me. Like being put in an uncomfortable situation where I had to take a stand for myself, where the other individuals were only thinking about themselves (or so it feels). Ever happen to you? I am sure it happens to all of us from time to time.

How we handle it is what matters most.

Do we react, get mad, get frustrated? Maybe. And that is okay. Do we show our true colors to the individuals that tick us off? Well, maybe. It depends. Can we do it with grace or do we add to the mix, stir the pot, and make the situation even worse? To me, making the situation worse shows our weakness. Instead, we should clearly and succinctly share where we are coming from and be transparent, open and honest. What gets me the most though is when others involved watch as by-standers never do anything. In some ways they could be accomplices to the situation and, by not taking a stand for us, they are no better than those that have wronged us. They shake their head and say, “Oh, it is just the way they are. There is no changing them.” What if (go with me for a second on this) they took a stand for us and said, “You are putting him in an awkward situation. This is not the way to treat them.”

I think of it often at work. I think of those on my team as part of my fold. I stick up for them and always keep their best interests in mind. I would not throw them to the wolves and hope they can fend for themselves. Yes, they must have strong skin and resilience, but I will not stand by and watch if they are put in awkward situations. I will see what I can do to help. The same is true for family and friends. Maybe others are not thinking of the situation they are putting others in and maybe I over think the situation I put others in. Either way, we could all be more conscious of how we treat others. Are we asking too much of them? Are we thinking about their situation? Are we asking of their time in ways that are not fair? Other people’s time is precious… do you care about it?

I do.

Not everything has to be perfect

Posted by random olio

Not everything in life has to be perfect. Yes, I just said that. Some of you that know me might think of me more on the side of wanting things a certain way, and I do but not everything. There are some things that matter more than others. I can name a list of things that I could care less about, such as: which way the toilet paper goes (I am careful about it for Chris’ sake) or ironing clothes (I just choose never to iron anything). I could go on.

This past long, holiday weekend was relaxing. Sure we did a ton of stuff around the house, and mostly in the front and back yard, but all in the vein of taking care of our house. We noticed a shrub was looking shabby and almost 99% decided that we would take it out and plant peonies in its place. As we started to look at the shrub we realized that actually it just needed some TLC. We started to cut it back and found that much of the underside was dead or had dead limbs. We cut it back, and it is now starting to have a life of its own. We still do not know what kind of bush it is, but at the moment we are keeping it and seeing what a little love can do for it. The peonies have already been purchased, so they will go in front of the shrub or a new spot in the yard.

The To-Do list is a lot smaller, a lot has been accomplished, and well my muscles are sore from all the pruning, weeding, and cleaning of the yard. It is not perfect, but I feel like we have done our due diligence to take care of our home inside and out. Do I wish we slept in a bit longer? Sure. Do I wish we watched more movies? Of course. At the end of the day, it feels nice to have worked hard, and taken care of the home (inside and outside) that I see, but also for those that walk by our yard each day, or come to visit us.

It does not have to be perfect. What matters most is that we care. We love our home, we care that it looks kept up for those walking down the street. Whether we can keep up with all the mole holes is an entirely different blog post, but to be able to share the beauty of a yard, and know that you took good care of it, means so much more to me. I know sappy, but it is true. A yard can be a work of art, or it can be a landfill. It is all in how we take care of it.

Let it Go

Posted by random olio

I have not jumped on the “Frozen” bandwagon. Apologies if that means you no longer want to read this blog post today. I cannot even remember the last movie I saw in the movie theater. I am partially ashamed to say that I think it was Flight. Sad, but true. The movie actually sucked, so maybe that is why I have not been back to have my feet stuck to the floor, and be absolutely annoyed because even though they play a commercial about turning your cell phone off at least 5 times, it is always the guy directly behind you that decides he is going to answer his phone during the movie.

I am more of the wait until it is on Netflix or Redbox type. You know, watch it on your couch in comfy clothes, with a snack, and the ability to comfortably snuggle with your husband. Ah, yes that is the best theater experience for me. Having said all that I am still extremely behind on my movie watching list, but hey Memorial Day weekend is upon us, so catching up on movies is on our list. That and summer is a great time for a few movies here and there, since primetime programming is on hiatus. Although my backyard beckons me much stronger than the boob tube.

I digress. I started telling you about “Frozen.” A friend posted this mother remake of the Frozen song and while I have heard the original version a zillion times on the radio, and while I am not a mom yet, the words to this rendition made me laugh. It would only be that much better if they did it in an actual house (instead of on a stage) then you could get the real feel of a mom, picking up toys, folding laundry, or cleaning up a mess of dishes. If you have not seen it, you might find you will sing these lyrics (instead of the original) while driving. Especially since the song comes on the radio every hour. Enjoy.