Motherhood: Yes or No?

Posted by random olio

I recently turned 34. My mom was 34 when she had me. I was the third child, so she had three children by the time she was the age I currently am. I do not have any kids, but I am exploring what it would be like to have kids. I always hear from others, that you never feel ready, and it is the most wonderful thing that can happen to you. A few individuals have said bluntly, do not have kids. I appreciate the honesty of both viewpoints.

There are days when I just cannot imagine being a mom. The hard days when I am not feeling well, or I am extremely grumpy, the days when I cannot even imagine getting up early, getting all that I need to get done, in addition to caring for a little one. Chris and I decided we would wait for five years after we were married to start having kids, and it has been nine years now. So we are a little behind schedule, and neither of us seem to be scrambling to get started. We like our life the way it is right now. We like to sleep in, and go out to breakfast each weekend. I like to have my “me” time. Call it selfish, but we decided early on that this was to be my selfish time. I spent much of my life taking care of someone in my family, and I needed a break. My biggest concern with not starting now (or soon) is that it might become harder and harder to have kids the older I get.

On the other side, I love babies, and little ones. I can be completely in go, go, go mode and get down on the floor and play with a little one and forget all that was going on and everything I had to do. Hand me a baby and it will be hard for me to give it back. Their smiles, drool, funny expressions, their smell (well the good, fresh ones). I love the hugs, or the “I love you Aunt Tami”, the laughter, and just how easy it is to play with little ones. I love watching little ones learn, explore, and create their own worlds. They are just so precious.

Gosh, this is getting personal, but it is what is on my mind. If I wait, will I regret it?

Spouse Inherits In Only 16 states

Posted by random olio

This is not the most exciting or thrilling topic, but it is an IMPORTANT one. I recently read this Forbes article: “Americans Lack Basic Estate Plans.” The part I want to point out though does not have to do with estate plans, but about the part that says:

“Even if there are no end of life questions, you need at least a basic will to make sure the right person gets your assets. Most couples without estates big enough to be taxable write “I love you” wills leaving everything to each other. But if a husband or wife dies without a will, the surviving spouse inherits everything in only 16 states.”

Fascinating. Did you know that? I did not.

After doing a bit of research it looks like it is called, the “Uniform Probate Code” and these are the 16 states: Alaska, Arizona, Colorado, Florida, Hawaii, Idaho, Maine, Michigan, Minnesota, Montana, Nebraska, New Mexico, North Dakota, South Carolina, South Dakota, and Utah. So if you are not in one of these 16 states it might be worthwhile to look into what the estate laws are for your state. I know I will be!

When each of my parents died, neither of them had a will, health insurance, life insurance, or a living will. My sister, brother, and I had to figure out what to do about funeral arrangements, how to pay for their bills, and deal with their remaining belongings. When my grandma died, she did have a will, but it was very outdated. It still had disbursement going to my mother who had been gone more than 10 years before her. The way her will was set up and worded meant that we spent a few years in probate, ending up in a very large portion of her estate going to probate fees, lawyer fees, and the bank (she had the bank as one of the executors of her will). Bank as executor = lots of lost money. The bank has to sign a lot of the paperwork and they do it in their own time, while charging a monthly fee. It was a mess, and a long, drawn out process that took a few years.

I have heard good reviews that you can go to LegalZoom to have a will put together inexpensively online. If you do not have a will, take the steps now to do so. Especially if you have children!

Everybody Farts

Posted by random olio

Thank you, Kim, for posting this on Facebook. It made my day. Usually I will put a recap of the story or experience I am linking to, but for this one, I cannot do it justice, you just have to read the entire story. It is called: “The Fart that Almost Altered My Destiny.”

Not to be gross, but just like the book: “Everybody Poops” – everyone also farts. I had a similar experience with Chris when we were first dating, only maybe I did not find it as mortifying. I think I probably found it fairly funny. I found it funny because at the time we met (well and now too) I was at a point in my life where I was who I was and I was not embarrassed about it. So breaking that barrier at the beginning of our dating time was not anything that would worry me. I think if I remember correctly I figured if he wanted to run the other way, then maybe it was not meant to be.

I think that we should be completely and utterly raw, our absolute selves. Then those that love us see us for who we really are, without the make-up, or the put together outfit, or on our crankiest day. Sometimes this also means that they are capable of taking care of us when our bodily functions (from either end) do not obey us. I have had many situations when driving to the airport or other excursions where I yell: “Drive very, very fast!” He is used to it, he gets me, and he goes fast. That my friend, is what you call love.

My favorite line of her article was: “Well, thank you boobs. You saved us. You saved our destiny.” I guess you will have to read the above link to know what that means.

Happy Day to you!

It’s Not a “Teenage Dream”

Posted by random olio

When I met my husband, I was not interested in dating. I was hard-core into women’s rights, had been burned multiple times by guys, and just was not sure men could be trusted. After spending many months working with Chris, I began to soften. He was a good one. A keeper. He was genuinely caring, patient, and trust worthy. I gradually began to break down my barriers, or to paraphrase the words of Katy Perry: “my walls came down.”

I am often known in my family for singing the wrong lyrics in songs. The other day I heard “Teenage Dream” on the radio and remembered how much I liked these three lines. I had to Google them to make sure I was hearing them right:

“You think I’m pretty without any make-up on
You think I’m funny when I tell the punch line wrong
I know you get me, so I let my walls come down, down”

These lines are me to a T. I really dislike make-up. Maybe I got it out of my system when I was a kid. My grandma use to let me put on her blush, blue eyeshadow, and usually some gross colored coral lipstick. She would allow me to leave the house with it on, and never laughed at me. She just let me do it. I probably had no idea of how gaudy (her word) I looked. She just let me feel pretty and run our errands with me existing in my make-believe world. Fast forward to high school and college and when it was a normal time to wear make-up and I was not interested. Had I already done that and did not care anymore? Or was it watching my mom put on foundation to cover the sickness that showed on her skin? At the time, I thought make-up and foundation was a cover-up, it meant you were hiding something. Either way, I have not ever had much interest in make-up and always wanted to feel pretty (not sure by whose standards) without any make-up on.

Just as I sing the wrong lyrics in songs, my brain is often going to fast that I tell a punch line wrong. My husband loves it. Just as mentioned in my blog last week about making up my own words, he will often alert me that I got the punch line wrong on a joke. He always tells me while laughing (usually with me laughing along too), and reminds me later of the joke.

Can you see these lyrics in Katy Perry’s song resonate with me? Thank you, Chris, for “getting me” and bringing my walls down!

Do You Ever Make Up Your Own Words?

Posted by random olio

I make up my own words. If you asked my husband, he would most likely say I make up my own words on a daily basis. I believe it happens because there are too many things going on in my mind, and whatever comes out is often the combination of a few words.

One that comes to mind as I write this is one day when I felt like Chris was coddling me a bit (he is so good to me, but I think I was cranky and hungry). I cannot remember the exact thing that happened, but my response was: “I not child.” (Said with an aggressive huff.) Yes, no typos there, that is exactly what I said. Now it is funny to us, and we use it for a good laugh once in a while. And, we always say it in a cranky tone.

Somehow over the years he has learned to translate my smashed words and 99% of the time he knows what I am trying to say, but he never lets me off the hook. A day or so later he will find a way to weave my made up word into conversation and wait for my reaction. As soon as I realize what he is doing, a slow grin creeps onto his face. This happens a few times over the course of a couple of weeks until the word becomes part of our normal conversation. Although whenever Chris says it there is a grin on his face. Ah, what fun we have together.

Do you make up your own language when you are tired, cranky, or there is just too much going on in your mind? I would love to hear the things that have come out of your mouth, that now make you laugh.