My flight was uneventful last night while flying back from California. A good smooth flight, but you know when you fly in a puddle jumper life is just a bit different in the friendly skies. Over the course of the 1+ hour flight someone (whether they were aware of it or not) could not stop breaking wind. As stated in my post last summer, about Farting on an Airplane, I know it is not always something individuals can control, but this was out of hand. Here is the list of things that came to me while making my trip back to Portland:
Overhead bin is so small, it is like a glove compartment
Someone keeps farting
The guy next to me has a cell phone with a revving motorcycle ringtone going off throughout flight
It is freezing, not above me through the vents, but around my ankles and no blankets on board
The person behind me keeps kneeing my back
Someone farted again
The guy next to me across the aisle will not shut up
The bathroom is so small, there is no sink, and they just leave hand sanitizer out for you
When the person coming out of the bathroom grabs my headrest as they walk by and I think now I do not want to put my head of hair on the headrest, because all I can think is, “Did they use the hand sanitizer?”
Someone farted again
I wonder when they last wiped the tray table down and the seats themselves
We arrive at our destination a half hour early only to stand while they take 20 minutes to figure out how to get the ramp to connect to the door
I know most blogs probably look back at their year, so I am just another cliché. Yet I have to do it. I need to take a moment to ponder all that poured forth out of my mouth and my fingertips. It was fun to look back on some of my favorite posts of the year. A few of my favorites were of course about my better half, who inspires me, keeps me afloat, and well probably the most important, keeps the cranky me away because he feeds me. Other posts were about finishing my first 1/2 marathon, food, farts, and you know those days when your pants are on backwards. These were my top ten favorite posts of 2013 (in no particular order), okay so I could not stop at ten so you get a top thirteen:
Come on, you know that either you are a victim of the airplane fart, or you were the one that wounded everyone. I have had this article saved in a blog draft for months now, and I just found it. I think at the time that I found this article I thought why would anyone want to read about farting on an airplane? Recently I was on a flight with Chris and while waiting for other passengers to board the plane we smelled the most horrifying body odor. I wanted to gag, or maybe I started to gag. I looked over at Chris and he looked ill. Eventually the passenger continued to walk to the back of the plane and we were saved.
The ironic part about the body odor is that the man who came to sit in the seat next to me leans over and says, “I am so sorry about my body odor. I have been camping in Mexico and I have not showered in days.” The thing was, he did not smell that bad. I will tell you, I might have horrible hearing and eyesight, but the one thing God gave me that fully functions is my nose. My smeller is attuned and always on high alert. This guy did not smell that bad. I told him so. I thought to myself, what amazing self-awareness to alert me. I appreciated his bluntness and if he was going to be so blunt I thought, why not respond in kind? So I lean over to him and say: “You do not stink at all, you missed the guy that has the bad body odor.” He smiled and said, “Oh, good. I felt bad that I might.”
Which leads me to the actual topic of this blog: Flatulence on an airplane. You will want to read this article I just shared. For a little tidbit, it starts out with: “Flying increases flatulence.” How many times have you thought, seriously who did that? The smells and odors that willingly escape and waft through the heavy, hot, and stuffy air seem to linger, and slowly kill our nose hairs. And, yet, we probably have all had a bad day, a bad airport lunch, or got stuck with a crazy, uncomfortable stomach while turbulence has imprisoned us to our seats thanks to the fasten seatbelt sign.
I am not going to lie. Chris has berated me for such misdemeanors. What can I say? Sometimes you cannot help it. Yes, I would rather be the guilty one, then the recipient.
Thank you, Kim, for posting this on Facebook. It made my day. Usually I will put a recap of the story or experience I am linking to, but for this one, I cannot do it justice, you just have to read the entire story. It is called: “The Fart that Almost Altered My Destiny.”
Not to be gross, but just like the book: “Everybody Poops” – everyone also farts. I had a similar experience with Chris when we were first dating, only maybe I did not find it as mortifying. I think I probably found it fairly funny. I found it funny because at the time we met (well and now too) I was at a point in my life where I was who I was and I was not embarrassed about it. So breaking that barrier at the beginning of our dating time was not anything that would worry me. I think if I remember correctly I figured if he wanted to run the other way, then maybe it was not meant to be.
I think that we should be completely and utterly raw, our absolute selves. Then those that love us see us for who we really are, without the make-up, or the put together outfit, or on our crankiest day. Sometimes this also means that they are capable of taking care of us when our bodily functions (from either end) do not obey us. I have had many situations when driving to the airport or other excursions where I yell: “Drive very, very fast!” He is used to it, he gets me, and he goes fast. That my friend, is what you call love.
My favorite line of her article was: “Well, thank you boobs. You saved us. You saved our destiny.” I guess you will have to read the above link to know what that means.