Bend. Don’t break.

Posted by random olio

I can remember as a child going to the YWCA and taking acrobatics class, or we referred to it as “acro.” It was a basic tumbling class, and I am sure we were all completely out of sync for most of our routines. I have no idea if I had any talent, poise, or timing. Knowing what a klutz I am now, I probably was one of the girls that was out of line with the others. Maybe my sister remembers. In any case, from what I remember I had fun, and I loved the outfits we got to wear, should that tell you something?

Acro/tumbling classes help kids follow directions and be flexible. I wish my physical body was as flexible now as it was in those little tutu’s as a kid. The sky was the limit then, now I continue to do yoga to stretch and stay limber, but it is not the same. Instead of being physically flexible, I find that mental and emotional flexibility is much easier for me. Even when I may have a strong opinion on what I think an outcome should be in my life.

Recently I read this Daily Om called: “Exercising Flexibility” that made me ponder how flexible I am in life:

“When we are rigid or stuck in our ways, instead of adjusting to the world around us we hunker down, clinging to a concept of reality rather than reality itself. When we do this, we cut ourselves off from life, and we miss out on valuable opportunities, as well as a lot of joy.”

There are so many times when we do not have a choice, and maintaining flexibility is really the only answer. The ever-changing online landscape of the past few years has forced us to hone our flexibility. Why? Because things change faster than we can ever imagine. You might be 90% complete with a project at work, only to find out the scope has changed, your deadline stays the same, and you have to creatively figure out how to finish it on time. How do you do it? How do you not lose it? You have to let go of past habits, past history, and clear your thoughts in order to buckle down and change course.

Also from the Daily Om:

“When we are flexible, we allow for situations we could not have planned, and so the world continues to surprise and delight us.”

Sounds good to me!

Sometimes you have to drop your pride

Posted by random olio

Even if a novel is not a true story, sometimes there is a character that gets under your skin, and makes their way into your heart. I just finished reading “Outside the Lines” by Amy Hatvany. It is a story about a girl who is trying to find her father. When she was ten he left because of his mental issues. He could not stay on his medications because it numbed him, but could not function without his medication. She is 30 and trying to find her father 20 years later. This excerpt made me think of my own dad:

“‘I’m useless,’ he cried. ‘Totally useless. I’m a terrible father. I’m a terrible painter. I should just leave…you’d be better off without me. Everyone would.’ He shoved his face in his hands, making it awkward to keep him in my embrace. I could feel his tears drip down on my forearm. His pain bled into me, pushing through my skin. It made my stomach clench. He only used to cry once in a while, now it was happening all the time.” page 39

Dad rarely cried. He would call me every few weeks when I was in college. Instead of short frequent conversations, they would be three agonizing hours. I could not get him to stop talking to me. Maybe that is why it is hard for me to finish a conversation today, and why I feel guilty walking away, even if I am late for another engagement. I never knew how to get my dad off the phone. Maybe I felt that staying on the phone with him would make things different for him. Or better.

The final years of his life were not great for my father. Looking back it makes me sad to think about his loneliness. Those late night phone calls, when I should have been studying, made me feel like the parent. It definitely made me a better listener. He would tell me about the construction jobs he was working on, and the clients he liked, and those he did not. He would talk about his siblings, and whether he was in touch with them. We talking about my siblings and whether he was in touch with them. He would talk about his dreams, and where he wanted to take his life. He hoped that things would come through for him, and if they did he was going to find a better place to live, or eventually replace his old blue truck. Sometimes he was in a good mood and would tell me how proud he was of me, other times he would be so down in the dumps that I knew my words of affirmation would not sail into his ears, they would just float through the mouthpiece of my phone and out the ear of his phone.

My mom was dead. He missed her. Even though they divorced a few years before she passed on, I knew he still loved her. Even if they fought and argued, you could still see the love they had for each other. His work life was hard, back-breaking work and he was not getting any breaks. He longed to be able to pay his bills, and have something be easy in life. My sister and I encouraged him over and over again to get a job working for someone else for the knowledge that he would have a regular paycheck and health benefits, but that was not my dad. From as far back as I could remember my dad did not take orders from anyone. This meant the last thing he would do is work for someone else. I do not think he truly understood that sometimes when things are tough it is better to drop your pride, be good, collect a paycheck and put your feet up at the end of the week.

What he may not know is that I learned from his example. I have a bit of him in the “do your own thing” in me, but I also appreciate what it means to know you have a secure job, health benefits, and someone who might just rub your feet at the end of the week. It is not something to take for granted.

Opportunity Cost

Posted by random olio

Do you ever justify a purchase? Do you think to yourself, I worked hard this week, I deserve this purchase. Or, you might think about how you did not go out to dinner and a movie with friends last week, so you can buy this expensive coat. I justify purchases. Often it is that I should not purchase a specific item, either because we do not need it, or because I believe it is too expensive. Other times, I tell myself, if I purchase this, I will not purchase something else. Or, if I do not purchase something I can save for something better later.

A few weeks ago, I finished reading: “Decisive: How to Make Better Choices in Life and Work” by Chip Heath & Dan Heath. There was a quote that resonated with me:

“‘Opportunity cost’ is a term from economics that refers to what we give up when we make a decision. For instance, if you and your spouse spend $40 on a Mexican dinner one Friday night and then go to the movies ($20), your opportunity cost might be a $60 sushi dinner plus some television at home. The sushi-and-TV combo is the next-best thing you could have done with the same amount of time and money. Or if you love both shopping and hiking, then the opportunity cost of a Saturday afternoon at the mall might be the forgone opportunity to hike through a nearby park.” page 42

Is that how you make decisions in your life? Do you ever think about the opportunity cost for the choices you make? It is not always a bad way to make decisions. Chris and I spent a few years feeling stuck in the condo we owned. We knew we could not sell it due to the year we purchased it and the market, so we stayed put and continued to save for our future. Last fall we saw a window and found a house we fell in love with instantly. If we had not spent all those years saving, we would not have been able to make the move into our current home. I look at that as our opportunity cost. We stayed in a home for a few years and saved in order to now live in a home we love. It worked for us.

Is that how you look at money and decisions? Is it easier to have the opportunity right in front of you now, so you can see the instant gratification? Does that help you look into the future, or is what you want right now the only way to live? If you are diligent today, tomorrow, and the next day, could that give you more options in a few years? Yes. I can tell you that waiting often gives you more options, but not always. We have to listen for what makes the most sense in each situation. It will be different for everyone.

What do you think?

Excellence is a habit

Posted by random olio

Have you ever thought about how you bring you, yes YOU, to each moment of your day? Each moment is an opportunity to shine, to be honest, to speak up. So often I think that we glide through our day, waiting for it to end so we can commute home, hang on the couch, and then start the entire process over again the next day.

What if it were different? What if you could truly see and know that each moment of your day was leading and building up to a much bigger and better life? It is. Remember when you spoke up in that meeting the other day, or you confronted a co-worker, or you gave that presentation without fear? Now that you have done that, you can take the next step and the one after that. Eventually you will give that presentation without sweat in your armpits, and you will not hesitate for a second to speak up to your co-worker or in that meeting.

“We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act but a habit.” Will Durant

I love this quote I found the other day. Excellence happens in moments that build upon moments. We do not just wake up one day and decide: “I am going to kick ass today. I am going to win and wow folks.” No, we kick ass moment by moment. Just as it becomes a habit for a runner to lace on their shoes each morning, or the chef to walk into their kitchen and pull out pans and ingredients.

Build on each passionate moment and create excellence.

Anything.

Posted by random olio

A few months ago I finished reading: “The Advantage” by Patrick Lencioni. There was one particular quote that resonated with me. It reminds me of previous job situations and how we sometimes really do not know our bosses or employees well. Should we?

“A friend of mine worked for a management consulting firm for about six years. He was paid well, but after putting up with as much neglect and politics as he could stand, he finally decided to leave. When he was called in for his exit interview with a senior manager who had never taken an interest in him before, he was asked, ‘What could we have done to keep you here longer?’ My friend was a little stunned by the hollowness of the question. After a moment, he just smiled and replied, ‘Anything’.” (page 168)

I love this. It actually brings tears to my eyes, and for those of you that might read my blog regularly, tears do not flow that freely for me. It has to affect me either deeply, or in a way I would not normally expect. Usually the unexpected emotion means it hits a part of me that understands and relates. I wonder how many of us could say the same thing as this individual, that they could have done anything to keep us. I could count more than my fingers and my toes the number of people in my life that have felt this way. Is it because at a deep level we all want to feel valued and appreciated? Even in just the smallest of ways?

Yes. Should that be that hard to make happen in any and all organizations? No. Feeling valued and appreciated on a daily basis to me is like drinking water, when you are parched, dehydrated, thirsty, all it takes is a glass of water. It nourishes us and helps to quench our thirst. We are relieved and refreshed. A little appreciation goes a long way, it nourishes and hydrates us for a long time. What are you doing to share your gratitude and appreciation to your co-workers, employees, and even your boss? Do you think about the reciprocal potential of sharing your appreciation to leadership, peers, and direct reports? It is a two-way street.

It amazes me how easy we can reach out to another person in our life. Do something. Do anything.