“Worry about yourself”

Posted by random olio

I cannot get this little girl out of my mind. “Worry about yourself.” That is her tagline. She makes me think of me as a little girl. I was a bossy little one. My sister can attest to that. I do not know where I learned to be bossy or where it came from. The only thing I can think of is that I was the youngest. My sister and brother are four and six years older than me. I wanted so badly to be included in their world. I wanted to know that I belonged and that I mattered.

Maybe my way of trying to fit into their life was to learn things as quickly as possible so they could never tell me that I was “too young” to play or be involved in their world. That meant I tried to learn board games quickly and early in my life, and it meant I was competitive. I wanted to be included, and I hoped that if I was good, competitive, and I won, then just maybe they would want to play with me. I hoped it would make them want to try to beat me next time. Sometimes I think my deliberate actions meant they did not want to play with me in the future. Live and learn, right?

When I found the below video, I could not help but laugh and laugh. I love the sassy nature of this girl. She reminds me of a young version of myself. She wants so badly to figure it out on her own, without help, and then tell her dad to drive. That was me. Enjoy, “Worry about yourself.”

“Does your face light up?”

Posted by random olio

I recently read a book called: “You Can Be Right [or You Can Be Married]” by Dana Adam Shapiro. While the book has more to do with marriage (which I might tell you about in a future post), the following quote is what inspired me today as I think about all the precious little munchkins that came by my house in their costumes last night. It makes me think about all the times my parent’s face did or did not light up when I came into a room.

“Ms. Morrison explained that it’s interesting to watch what happens when a child walks into a room. She asked, “Does your face light up?” She explained, “When my children used to walk in the room when they were little, I looked at them to see if they had buckled their trousers or if their hair was combed or if their socks were up…You think your affections and your deep love is on display because you’re caring for them. It’s not. When they see you, they see the critical face. What’s wrong now? Her advice was simple, but paradigm-shifting for me. She said, “Let your face speak what’s in your heart. When they walk in the room my face says I’m glad to see them. It’s just as small as that, you see?” page 223

Aww…this almost brings tears to my eyes. I can feel the tears there, just waiting. This is such a great reminder of how we need to be present and aware of how we come across to little bambinos. Having said all that, I think this still applies to adults too. What if our face lit up when we saw our spouses, family, and co-workers walk into a room. How would it feel if others reacted in that way towards us? Would we feel more loved and connected to others if we saw them light up when we arrived?

I thought about this yesterday when I answered the doorbell for those costumed munchkins. I knelt down with my bowl of candy and talked to them at their level. I looked at them face-to-face. I saw their excitement and energy for Halloween. I was inspired by their exuberance. That is my challenge to myself, to approach the munchkins and bambinos I encounter with the light in my eyes, and my heart on my face. I will let that all speak for itself.

Are you with me!?

Giggles In Heaven

Posted by random olio

On Monday I wrote about the book: “It Sucked and Then I Cried: How I Had a Baby, a Breakdown, and a Much Needed Margarita” by Heather Armstrong in this blog post. The blog I wrote was more on the funny and painful aspects to motherhood. Today I wanted to share the awww moments of motherhood. The parts that make you cling to your spouse with gratitude for this little life you brought into the world.

“The best part of my day was when Jon carried Leta back to the changing table after her bath, and she’d lay there wrapped in the towel, her hand shoved as far as she could get it into the back of her mouth. He’d lean down and pretend to eat her neck, causing her to laugh. And she laughed for him like she laughed for no one else, a full-body laugh that shook her belly and caused her to let go of her hand for a second. Her giggles would fill the house and echo through the baby monitor into the living room and out to the street. I imagined that those echoing giggles were what the background music in heaven sounded like.” Page 159

Aww. Giggles in heaven. I love the laughter and absolute uncontrollable giggle of a baby or toddler. You can continue to repeat what you are doing over and over again to have that same gut laughter continue. It. Is. The. Best. Thing. Ever. And then Heather talks about the love for her spouse, Jon:

“In him I’d found the person whom I knew I would never get tired of, even in the most monotonous of times, even in the routine of being together every single day. I never thought I would find that.” Page 237

This is how I feel about Chris. Even if he is on the iPad dreaming about our future, and I am pounding out my next blog post on my laptop, while watching Michael Phelps swim the last Olympic event of his career, we are hanging out together. We look up and smile at each other and go back to our respective activities, my legs sprawled out on top of him. Aww the life. Can you tell how addicted I am to my husband? We live our life with giggles and laughter and maybe one day we will share those gut deep giggles with a little one. (Can you tell I am thinking very seriously about it!)

Again, I say, read Heather’s book. It is worth it. Okay I am done touting her book. You will not hear another peep about it.

Motherhood: Yes or No?

Posted by random olio

I recently turned 34. My mom was 34 when she had me. I was the third child, so she had three children by the time she was the age I currently am. I do not have any kids, but I am exploring what it would be like to have kids. I always hear from others, that you never feel ready, and it is the most wonderful thing that can happen to you. A few individuals have said bluntly, do not have kids. I appreciate the honesty of both viewpoints.

There are days when I just cannot imagine being a mom. The hard days when I am not feeling well, or I am extremely grumpy, the days when I cannot even imagine getting up early, getting all that I need to get done, in addition to caring for a little one. Chris and I decided we would wait for five years after we were married to start having kids, and it has been nine years now. So we are a little behind schedule, and neither of us seem to be scrambling to get started. We like our life the way it is right now. We like to sleep in, and go out to breakfast each weekend. I like to have my “me” time. Call it selfish, but we decided early on that this was to be my selfish time. I spent much of my life taking care of someone in my family, and I needed a break. My biggest concern with not starting now (or soon) is that it might become harder and harder to have kids the older I get.

On the other side, I love babies, and little ones. I can be completely in go, go, go mode and get down on the floor and play with a little one and forget all that was going on and everything I had to do. Hand me a baby and it will be hard for me to give it back. Their smiles, drool, funny expressions, their smell (well the good, fresh ones). I love the hugs, or the “I love you Aunt Tami”, the laughter, and just how easy it is to play with little ones. I love watching little ones learn, explore, and create their own worlds. They are just so precious.

Gosh, this is getting personal, but it is what is on my mind. If I wait, will I regret it?