Vulnerable

Posted by random olio

Vulnerability is the new black. Thanks to Brene Brown, more people are talking about vulnerability. I love the word in ways I never would have a few years ago. Why? Because it is making us more real. I dislike the dictionary definitions I found for vulnerable. Once you read Brene Brown’s book “Daring Greatly” you may just agree that we need to revise the definition. Most definitions talk about “being vulnerable to attack or harm.” Not too encouraging.

How about something about opening oneself up to the rawness and realness of life, to feel, act, and speak with openness? Ah, what would life be like if we said exactly what was on our mind all the time? We might know each other better, feel deeper, wonder what others think less. Would that be refreshing? I think so. So what holds us back from being vulnerable? Are we afraid of what others will think of us, or that we will offend another, or that we will put ourselves out there and it will not be reciprocated? All valid points, but are they enough to not make us just lay it all out there? Do we have too much to lose?

I am not going to say that it was ever easy to put my thoughts out there blunt and uncensored, but the more I have the easier it gets. Sometimes it can be messy. I can have an amazing evening with Chris and another couple and walk away thinking, “Did I say too much?” I often get a funny feeling inside that makes me revisit a conversation and I wonder what is making me circle through different moments of the night. Maybe I did say too much and maybe it was just right. Regardless, I was me in all my rawness. There is a bravery, an innocence, a transparency that comes with vulnerability. I will take that from someone any day. It means I am truly getting to see that other person. In happiness, tears, fear, you get to witness them for who they are in that moment.

By being vulnerable, we feel deeper, we form stronger connections, and we are all changed in the end. It is a risk, but I think it is worth it. Are you willing to take that risk and start being more vulnerable?

Home

Posted by random olio

I lived in the same house until eighth or ninth grade. At that time my father had moved out, my parents were freshly divorced and our house was foreclosed on. I do not have many nostalgic memories of that home. It was falling apart at the seams. Sinking and rotting floors, very old carpeting, ancient appliances to name a few. I cannot imagine the family that purchased it and what they had to do to “flip” it. Regardless of all that it was the home that I knew.

It was the neighborhood where I learned to ride a bike, where I had a paper route, sold Girl Scout cookies, and candy + nuts for my school. It is where we would explore the creek, the woods, and sneak off to buy candy at the Village Pantry. I also grew up with a few families and babysat their children.

When we had to move out, my mom went into a nursing home, I lived with my grandma, and my sister with a family friend. From there I left for a boarding school in St. Louis for the last three years of high school, then off to four years of college in Illinois. After that I ventured to Boston for about 4 years before Chris and I made our home in Portland. So as you can see I did not move around a lot, and yet my home is so important to me.

Having a home that was falling apart, living in odd family situations, and then in a dorm for 7 years has made me crave and cherish my home. I want things to work and function, have a purpose, and be a place and comfort for Chris and me, as well as those that experience our home.

Often when we travel or are away for a weekend or longer I find I want my bed and to be home. I love to explore and have adventures, but somehow I still find I long to be at the home we have created together.

Created on an iPhone, please excuse any formatting or typos…

My mother was a…

Posted by random olio

Giver. She gave, and gave, and gave. I suppose that is why it is in my nature to help others, to problem solve, be a listening ear, and support to those around me. I saw my mom give her time to her children, her mother, her husband, the kids she took care of, the children she taught in school, her church, and when there was time left over the few friends she had.

I often look back and wonder why my mom did not spend much time socializing with friends or neighbors and I realize now that she did not have the time. Often she worked two jobs, helped us with our homework, made dinner for the family, at times packed our lunches, planned the grocery list and meals for the week, cleaned the house (separate from the jobs that were our chores), and took care of all those people in the above list. I often wonder how she did it all, and yet I am in some ways living her life, minus the kids and two jobs. Yet, how many of us work the hours of two jobs? Life will definitely change for me when little bambinos enter our home. Focus will change, priorities will change, life will change. Yet, will I do less?

Whatever happened in the world that made us (women especially) think that we had to do it all? Is there a time when the cord that keeps us going begins to fade — sort of like your laptop battery that eventually no longer holds the charge? Or are women of the “rechargeable” battery variety that after enough recharge we can continue like the Energizer bunny? Is there ever a breaking point? I love it and I hate it. I love the energy, the problems to solve, and that no day is ever the same, but is there ever a reset button? If you walk away for a day or a week, it becomes almost impossible to catch up on emails, voicemails, and pieces of projects that need to be adjusted. Do we do too much? Do we give too much?

My mom was a giver and she died at the age of 50. Was it her lifestyle, or just the journey of her role in the universe? I will never know if she loved or hated the roller coaster she was on. She did it all for everyone else, I can only imagine and hope that she was invigorated by those she helped, all she did, and that her life never had a dull moment — there was not time for that!

Are you a giver?

A Phenomenal Woman

Posted by random olio

I am sure a lot of people are writing and sharing about Maya Angelou today, yesterday, and in the coming weeks. She deserves the fanfare. A stellar woman, with so much poise, brilliance, and badassness. The Internet is buzzing with her quotes, thoughts about her life, and how she inspired millions upon millions of people in the course of her life. I love, love, love her last tweet:

Listen to yourself and in that quietude you might hear the voice of God. 11:43 AM – 23 May 2014

I wonder what was going through her thoughts, if she was coherent, if she was so closely talking to God. Regardless, she shared such wisdom with the world, and we are all the better for it.

One of my all time favorite Maya Angelou poems is: “Phenomenal Woman.” In case you have not read it, it still brings tears to my eyes. I think I first read it in college. It was one of those poems that I instantly memorized and often has come back to my thoughts. I often wonder if it was the first time that I actually thought about the idea of a woman being “phenomenal.” Sad, but true. Here is the first verse, but I encourage you to click the above link and read the entire poem.

Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.

I’m not cute or built to suit a fashion model’s size

But when I start to tell them,

They think I’m telling lies.

I say, It’s in the reach of my arms

The span of my hips,

The stride of my step,

The curl of my lips.

I’m a woman

Phenomenally.

Phenomenal woman,

That’s me.

I only hope that we can continue to raise our girls to know they are phenomenal — whatever their age, background, or disposition. Here is also a past blog post with another favorite Maya Angelou quote.

How we handle it matters.

Posted by random olio

There have been a few situations in the past few weeks that have irked me. Like being put in an uncomfortable situation where I had to take a stand for myself, where the other individuals were only thinking about themselves (or so it feels). Ever happen to you? I am sure it happens to all of us from time to time.

How we handle it is what matters most.

Do we react, get mad, get frustrated? Maybe. And that is okay. Do we show our true colors to the individuals that tick us off? Well, maybe. It depends. Can we do it with grace or do we add to the mix, stir the pot, and make the situation even worse? To me, making the situation worse shows our weakness. Instead, we should clearly and succinctly share where we are coming from and be transparent, open and honest. What gets me the most though is when others involved watch as by-standers never do anything. In some ways they could be accomplices to the situation and, by not taking a stand for us, they are no better than those that have wronged us. They shake their head and say, “Oh, it is just the way they are. There is no changing them.” What if (go with me for a second on this) they took a stand for us and said, “You are putting him in an awkward situation. This is not the way to treat them.”

I think of it often at work. I think of those on my team as part of my fold. I stick up for them and always keep their best interests in mind. I would not throw them to the wolves and hope they can fend for themselves. Yes, they must have strong skin and resilience, but I will not stand by and watch if they are put in awkward situations. I will see what I can do to help. The same is true for family and friends. Maybe others are not thinking of the situation they are putting others in and maybe I over think the situation I put others in. Either way, we could all be more conscious of how we treat others. Are we asking too much of them? Are we thinking about their situation? Are we asking of their time in ways that are not fair? Other people’s time is precious… do you care about it?

I do.