Relationships

Love in your heart

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We all struggle with others. Somedays are better than others. You know when a sibling, or co-worker bug you or just get on your nerves. We agonize over what happened yesterday, or the conversation we overheard. It often leads to different thoughts, not always good ones that cross our mind. We judge, question, and ponder what happened.

ImageProxyWhat if we took a step back and loved them anyways? Of course you probably love your sibling, but that does not mean we always hold love in our hearts for them. There is a difference. They might get on your nerves one day, and just because you love them does not mean the thoughts you think of them are ones of love, goodness, or happiness. So, what if you let go of what happened and hold only good thoughts for them? What would that do for you?

There have been days I have tried this, to just let go of what happened, and think only good thoughts about the person that has frustrated me. It is not easy. So often we want to saturate ourselves in the experience we had, the way we were treated or wronged, and we want to hold a grudge. What if we were bigger than that? What if we wallowed for just a second, and then let it go and moved on with our life? We could then free space in our mind and thoughts for good. Just as the quote to the left states…”the more you will establish good in yourself.”

I am going to try it this week. Thinking about the thoughts I think towards others, and deciding to let go of the crap, and think of the good. Others deserve that from us, and is it not what you would want from others?

Hug it out, release, remember that you are loved.

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I used to be an intense hugger. Well, I still am, but I used to be with lots of people, now I am a lot more selective. Maybe time and the world has made me less of a hugger, but I remember as a very small child that I would hug with a fierceness and not let go. I am not sure what that was all about, but I can visually remember being a hardcore hugger. What happened? Did I learn that I had to be careful who I hugged? Did I not get hugs in return? I am not completely sure, but I know something shifted in my life and I became more aware and cautious about my hugging. Part of it saddens me. Why?

A hug is a wonderful thing. It can completely change a moment. You can be angry with your spouse, disagree, and they can encompass you with their entire body into a hug and it can make all the anger and frustration melt and ooze out of your body. A hug can essentially heal a moment.

A hug can comfort you. Have you ever had a time when you had no idea that something was bugging you and a friend or family member could tell that you need a hug? The moment you are embraced, you melt. You start with shedding a tear, and the comfort and safe arms around you turns you into a blubbering mess. It has happened to me with close friends, family members, and co-workers. A hug can release the most pent-up issues in life.

A hug can make you feel loved. In my marriage I am a hugger (well, we both are). Yes, I can share with you that of course I love the passion of a kiss, but a hug comforts, supports, and shares something deep. It reminds you that you matter. A hug can ground you and reinforce just how much you are loved.

Hug it out, release, and remember that you are loved. Right now. Today.

Trust me

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Why should I trust you? Should we trust people immediately when we meet them, or should they have to earn our trust? Most of the time I give people the benefit of the doubt that they can be trusted, but if they do something that crosses that line that makes them not trustworthy, they will have to work hard to earn my trust back.

Trust is a crucial topic in my life. It is the cornerstone of my marriage, imperative in my friendships, and integral in my daily work life. My approach consists of giving others the space and opportunity to show me who they are, and if they follow through with what they have committed to me, it allows me to continue to be open and transparent with them. If the space and openness I have provided is tarnished by dishonesty, or missed commitments, the relationship becomes more closed. I no longer want to open up or share of myself with them.

Is it so hard, or so much to ask to be honest, and do what you say you will do? In my marriage, that means that we are completely transparent with each other. We say the tough stuff, are blunt with each other, and hold each other accountable to the commitments we have agreed to with each other. It is not always easy, and can sometimes be work, but it is always worth it in the long run.

At work, I know that everyone does things in their own way, and there are numerous ways to handle tasks and projects. I am not worried about how someone goes about a project so much as that they are honest, do it well, and follow through on the commitments they made. Good work, honesty, and follow through to me are the foundation of trust in good working relationships. Once I know that my colleagues meet those standards, then trust comes easy to me. Trust among my co-workers has led to some amazing connections and friendships along the way.

Maybe this blog makes me sound like a bitch, but I have very high standards. Trust is the glue in relationships. With trust, relationships are open and transparent. Without it, intimacy is closed.

Change the way you look at things

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It hit me hard and felt like a colonic. Yes, that is what I said. It felt like a colonic. I have had one, I know what I am talking about. All the foggy thinking, gunk, and stirring thoughts and emotions were sucked out of my thought. A dilemma I have been agonizing over for the past few weeks, came clearly to me. I needed to shift my thought. I needed to change how I looked at this situation. It all happened after I came across this quote last week:

“If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at will change.”

After a little Google sleuthing, I think it is a quote from Wayne Dyer. I am not sure if he means that by looking at a situation differently, we will see it differently. Or, if he means that by looking at a situation differently, the actual situation (or people involved will actually change). Maybe both would/could happen. Either way, it was an eye-opening moment for me. It has made me think about my little dilemma differently. How I approach it, how I think about it, and how I react to it. Hopefully, that means that it will resolve itself in a way that is better than I can even imagine.

Are there things in your life that could benefit from looking at them differently? Things within your marriage/relationship or with your family or friends? Is a work situation that you think is beyond repairable worth looking at differently and a slight shift gives you the answer(s) you need to realign, change course, and take a project to the next level? Just as I was hit hard, take some moments today, not to get an actual colonic, but to have a colonic of your thoughts. Clear out the gunk, change the way you look at things, and just maybe things will change.

The special person I get to annoy

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“It’s great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.”  -Rita Rudner

Oh have I found that one person. Today is my tenth wedding anniversary, and boy have I had the time of my life. For those of you that might have read my blog for the past year and a half, you would not be shocked to hear me ooh and ah about my husband. I have often written about how I am addicted to him, and how our marriage works, but today I can hardly believe that ten years ago we stood on a beach in Hawaii, barefoot in the sand at sunset, just the two of us, starting our life together.

Of course Chris is my special person that I enjoy annoying. Mostly through the times when I (or we) are being silly. I love to get under his skin, as long as it means that at the end of the playful moment I have him laughing or happily rolling his eyes. Without laughter, what is the point?

Christopher, I look forward to the next ten years where we laugh, play, and grow together. You are my favorite person, and the one I love waking up next to each morning, and the one I hope I fall asleep before at night. You are the one I love texting in the middle of the day to find out how your day is going. I love that you laugh at my often made up words, and somehow you still understand me. We push each other to look at life differently each day, and I am honored that I get to spend my life with you.

Here is to another ten years that I get to annoy you. Happy Anniversary!