Bend. Don’t break.

Posted by random olio

I can remember as a child going to the YWCA and taking acrobatics class, or we referred to it as “acro.” It was a basic tumbling class, and I am sure we were all completely out of sync for most of our routines. I have no idea if I had any talent, poise, or timing. Knowing what a klutz I am now, I probably was one of the girls that was out of line with the others. Maybe my sister remembers. In any case, from what I remember I had fun, and I loved the outfits we got to wear, should that tell you something?

Acro/tumbling classes help kids follow directions and be flexible. I wish my physical body was as flexible now as it was in those little tutu’s as a kid. The sky was the limit then, now I continue to do yoga to stretch and stay limber, but it is not the same. Instead of being physically flexible, I find that mental and emotional flexibility is much easier for me. Even when I may have a strong opinion on what I think an outcome should be in my life.

Recently I read this Daily Om called: “Exercising Flexibility” that made me ponder how flexible I am in life:

“When we are rigid or stuck in our ways, instead of adjusting to the world around us we hunker down, clinging to a concept of reality rather than reality itself. When we do this, we cut ourselves off from life, and we miss out on valuable opportunities, as well as a lot of joy.”

There are so many times when we do not have a choice, and maintaining flexibility is really the only answer. The ever-changing online landscape of the past few years has forced us to hone our flexibility. Why? Because things change faster than we can ever imagine. You might be 90% complete with a project at work, only to find out the scope has changed, your deadline stays the same, and you have to creatively figure out how to finish it on time. How do you do it? How do you not lose it? You have to let go of past habits, past history, and clear your thoughts in order to buckle down and change course.

Also from the Daily Om:

“When we are flexible, we allow for situations we could not have planned, and so the world continues to surprise and delight us.”

Sounds good to me!

Sometimes you have to drop your pride

Posted by random olio

Even if a novel is not a true story, sometimes there is a character that gets under your skin, and makes their way into your heart. I just finished reading “Outside the Lines” by Amy Hatvany. It is a story about a girl who is trying to find her father. When she was ten he left because of his mental issues. He could not stay on his medications because it numbed him, but could not function without his medication. She is 30 and trying to find her father 20 years later. This excerpt made me think of my own dad:

“‘I’m useless,’ he cried. ‘Totally useless. I’m a terrible father. I’m a terrible painter. I should just leave…you’d be better off without me. Everyone would.’ He shoved his face in his hands, making it awkward to keep him in my embrace. I could feel his tears drip down on my forearm. His pain bled into me, pushing through my skin. It made my stomach clench. He only used to cry once in a while, now it was happening all the time.” page 39

Dad rarely cried. He would call me every few weeks when I was in college. Instead of short frequent conversations, they would be three agonizing hours. I could not get him to stop talking to me. Maybe that is why it is hard for me to finish a conversation today, and why I feel guilty walking away, even if I am late for another engagement. I never knew how to get my dad off the phone. Maybe I felt that staying on the phone with him would make things different for him. Or better.

The final years of his life were not great for my father. Looking back it makes me sad to think about his loneliness. Those late night phone calls, when I should have been studying, made me feel like the parent. It definitely made me a better listener. He would tell me about the construction jobs he was working on, and the clients he liked, and those he did not. He would talk about his siblings, and whether he was in touch with them. We talking about my siblings and whether he was in touch with them. He would talk about his dreams, and where he wanted to take his life. He hoped that things would come through for him, and if they did he was going to find a better place to live, or eventually replace his old blue truck. Sometimes he was in a good mood and would tell me how proud he was of me, other times he would be so down in the dumps that I knew my words of affirmation would not sail into his ears, they would just float through the mouthpiece of my phone and out the ear of his phone.

My mom was dead. He missed her. Even though they divorced a few years before she passed on, I knew he still loved her. Even if they fought and argued, you could still see the love they had for each other. His work life was hard, back-breaking work and he was not getting any breaks. He longed to be able to pay his bills, and have something be easy in life. My sister and I encouraged him over and over again to get a job working for someone else for the knowledge that he would have a regular paycheck and health benefits, but that was not my dad. From as far back as I could remember my dad did not take orders from anyone. This meant the last thing he would do is work for someone else. I do not think he truly understood that sometimes when things are tough it is better to drop your pride, be good, collect a paycheck and put your feet up at the end of the week.

What he may not know is that I learned from his example. I have a bit of him in the “do your own thing” in me, but I also appreciate what it means to know you have a secure job, health benefits, and someone who might just rub your feet at the end of the week. It is not something to take for granted.

Letter to my younger self

Posted by random olio

Have you ever written a letter to your younger self? If so, what did it say? If not, what would you have it say? I have done many team oriented exercises where you write a letter to your future self and then a certain number of days later it is put in the mail to you by someone else. What if instead you let yourself off the hook. What would you have told YOU at a younger age?

the bat is bigger than me…

Here is my letter to my younger self:

“If you could know one thing, it would be to tell you to play harder. You will have so much to overcome through high school, college, and beyond that you will exemplify an adult at a much younger age. If I could do anything to get you through those years it would be to find any and every moment to play. You will find that solace in children, and when your arms are full with the softness, simplicity, and wonder of the babies you will take care of for others. You will play with them, but it is not the childlike abandon you need to find within yourself.

You look to art to find that solace, to find the answers to your questions, and as therapy for what you are not able to control. Let it all go. You will have so much to balance later in life, that you might find it hard to let go and play. What you learn now about play, about laughter, about love will help to get you through tougher times. Without your playful resilience, you may crack.

It will all be okay. Times will be tough. Through loss, sickness, love, you will take care of many, and few will know how to take care of you. Let them. Do not always feel you have to be the strong one. Do not always think that no one will come through for you. Trust that those in our life will be there when you ask. In the end, it will all be better than you can ever imagine.

Have fun, play hard, and live in the moment.”

Should you tell your kids?

Posted by random olio

I ponder questions about my future as a mom. I often wonder with my tendency to be blunt all the time, will I decide to tell my kids that there is a Tooth Fairy, Easter Bunny, or Santa Claus? What is the right thing to do? On one hand there is fantasy and fun surrounding these mythical stories, but what does it teach kids if they learn that we have been lying to them all these years?

I suppose from a tier of importance, Santa Claus has the most weight. If he is capable of bringing every child around the world a gift all in one night, while riding a sleigh, and going down any houses with chimneys, well that is not a loaded lie! Oh, and about the chimney, the man is fat. And, he has a reindeer with a red light at the end of his nose. How many lies has that added up? 5 so far. I am sure if we really looked at the story, we could count many more.

The Easter Bunny and Tooth Fairy carry much less weight from the lie factory. For Easter, the bunny hides eggs. That does not seem so far-fetched. Bunnies dig holes, it could be possible. Was the Easter Bunny a boy or a girl? I am not sure I ever learned where the Easter Bunny comes from, and I do not think I learned how the Easter Bunny was connected to the resurrection of Jesus. Probably did not matter, because all I remembered about Easter was wearing a hideous “Easter” dress from my grandma, going to church, having brunch, and finding our easter basket. A regular Sunday, except for more candy, and a poopy Sunday dress.

Now the Tooth Fairy. I assumed the Tooth Fairy was a girl, probably out of the process of elimination that a fairy was never a boy when I was a kid. I had a hand-me-down tooth pillow, that I put under my pillow when I lost my tooth. I never found it odd that the Tooth Fairy had to lift my head to get the pillow, remove the tooth, and leave my half-dollar, all without my waking up. I have heard very different accounts of what friends received for a tooth, but we got 50 cents in the fancy form of a half-dollar. Calculating that I have 28 teeth, not counting the four wisdom teeth pulled a few years ago (I know everyone might have different amounts), that equals $14 on me. Of the three fictional characters I would say the Tooth Fairy wins. Over the course of a few years of my life, they only spent $14. If there is only one Tooth Fairy, then how come other kids received $20 a tooth (about $560 total). Does the Tooth Fairy play favorites?

I digress. I started this blog to discuss whether to lie to my future children or not. The verdict is still out. I know I sound like a heartless future mom, but I have strong beliefs about not lying to my children. I wonder if I can find a way to go along with the charade, while also telling them the truth. Tell them it is make believe and we can play along together.

What do you think?

Multi-task on the pooper?

Posted by random olio

I am a blunt woman. I tell it like it is, or usually say whatever is on my mind. So, I will be direct with you today. I am a multi-tasker. Some might say that is very inefficient, but I disagree. The best place to multi-task is well…the bathroom. There are so many ways to multi-task in the bathroom. I will share a few with you. At night I often read and brush my teeth at the same time. However, I have not had luck with reading and flossing my teeth. In the morning, I often read while I dry my hair, because face it, drying your hair is BORING.

In any case, there is the most obvious of all, multi-tasking while sitting on the toilet, porcelain basin, potty, can, shitter, john, loo, pot, whatever you call it. I am a serial user. You may find me on my iPhone, laptop, or reading a book. I might be playing words with friends, reading the news, writing emails, or heaven forbid – writing a blog post. Due to my multi-tasking tendencies, I have great respect for this Saturday Night Live skit, “Bathroom Businessman” with Keenan Thompson. Take a look (click the image to view video):

You might not feel so comfortable engaging in “potty” talk, but if we are real with each other, it is part of life. I do, however, think it is crossing the line to be in a public restroom and chatting away with your friend while doing your business. If in a public restroom, go right ahead and read a book, the news, update your Facebook status to your heart’s content, but if I have to listen to you chew out your husband, then finish your shit or get off the pot.

Happy Friday!