“Does your face light up?”

Posted by random olio

I recently read a book called: “You Can Be Right [or You Can Be Married]” by Dana Adam Shapiro. While the book has more to do with marriage (which I might tell you about in a future post), the following quote is what inspired me today as I think about all the precious little munchkins that came by my house in their costumes last night. It makes me think about all the times my parent’s face did or did not light up when I came into a room.

“Ms. Morrison explained that it’s interesting to watch what happens when a child walks into a room. She asked, “Does your face light up?” She explained, “When my children used to walk in the room when they were little, I looked at them to see if they had buckled their trousers or if their hair was combed or if their socks were up…You think your affections and your deep love is on display because you’re caring for them. It’s not. When they see you, they see the critical face. What’s wrong now? Her advice was simple, but paradigm-shifting for me. She said, “Let your face speak what’s in your heart. When they walk in the room my face says I’m glad to see them. It’s just as small as that, you see?” page 223

Aww…this almost brings tears to my eyes. I can feel the tears there, just waiting. This is such a great reminder of how we need to be present and aware of how we come across to little bambinos. Having said all that, I think this still applies to adults too. What if our face lit up when we saw our spouses, family, and co-workers walk into a room. How would it feel if others reacted in that way towards us? Would we feel more loved and connected to others if we saw them light up when we arrived?

I thought about this yesterday when I answered the doorbell for those costumed munchkins. I knelt down with my bowl of candy and talked to them at their level. I looked at them face-to-face. I saw their excitement and energy for Halloween. I was inspired by their exuberance. That is my challenge to myself, to approach the munchkins and bambinos I encounter with the light in my eyes, and my heart on my face. I will let that all speak for itself.

Are you with me!?

On Vulnerability and “Daring Greatly”

Posted by random olio

I have found my favorite book of 2012. It is called: “Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead” by Brene Brown. I cannot stop thinking about the ideas in this book. It is a must read book. It was just published in September, so it is hot off the shelf.

Brown talks a lot in her book about feeling loved, vulnerability, connection, combating shame, and perfectionism. Each are important ideas with a lot of depth for discussion. I first got pulled into her book with her analysis about vulnerability. Here is one quote on the topic:

“Vulnerability is the core of all emotions and feelings. To feel is to be vulnerable. To believe vulnerability is weakness is to believe that feeling is weakness. To foreclose on our emotional life out of a fear that the costs will be too high is to walk away from the very thing gives purpose and meaning to living.” Page 33

Vulnerability seems to be a term we do not hear as much about, so I was happily surprised when I heard about Brown’s book. Based on her above idea, why would we not want to be fully vulnerable? I guess first you have to want to feel. If you do not want to feel, then keep your vulnerability at bay. Most of the time I think we just do not want to get hurt, so we keep our thoughts and feelings inside. Other times I think we might be slightly ashamed or insecure about what others might think about our ideas.

What if we had no sensors at all, and always said exactly what is on our mind? That is how I am with many situations. I wear my heart on my sleeve and 95% of the time say exactly what is on my mind without censoring myself. Does that get me in trouble? Yes. Do I like being completely transparent? Yes. Does it feel liberating? Yes. What would the world look like if we all actually said what is on our minds at all times?

I will most likely have to publish another post on this book, as there are just too many nuggets I want to share.

What do you think about vulnerability? What is your favorite book of 2012?

Who will you pretend to be today?

Posted by random olio

Ah, the fun of Halloween. You get to dress up and be someone else for the day. The leaves are falling off the trees, the ground is covered in the colorful array of leaves. Homes are decorated with lights, jack-o-lanterns, ghosts, and goblins. It is really the beginning of the holiday season of festivities. Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas. (Yes, I left out Black Friday, that is not a holiday, but like Halloween it can be just as scary).

It is good to have a day where we can pretend to be someone else. Often we work so hard just trying to be ourselves, that even adults can even get excited to get to play dress up once in a while. We even like to be creative and carve our own jack-o-lanterns. I love this photo of me watching our finished pumpkins turned jack-o-lanterns.

my excitement over jack-o-lanterns

(Be sure to note the pea colored refrigerator and I can assure you that while you cannot see it, there is wood paneling behind me. You can also see the head of the baby doll I am holding). Cutting pumpkins to me was like dying easter eggs, a process, but one of tradition around a certain day of the year. I was always in awe.

We would decide which pumpkin to carve, then draw on the design we were going to cut out, then the messy part of clearing out the guts and goop inside. Once it was cleaned out then it was time to carve. I have never been quite proficient with a sharp knife (Chris can attest to that). So I am not sure my creations were always superb, as artistic as I may have been, my lack of knife skills = poor pumpkin carving. Then adding the candle and putting the lid on top.

I cannot remember that much about the costumes I selected, although I do know one year I was a clown. We always had homemade costumes. What I remember most, and who knows why, was this one house in my neighborhood. I can remember the name of the family, and that they had a courtyard at the front of their house. They outfitted it with spooky music, Halloween lights and decorations, and would have people hiding in the bushes. You never knew what would happen from year to year, and it was always dark out. My memory of it was that it was the scariest house on Halloween. The fact that I can still picture it tells me that they designed it well. I was always impressed with myself if I could make it through the squeaky gate, down the courtyard path to the front door. Then if I made it that far and actually attained the candy then I knew I was brave that year. Candy at scary neighborhood house = I could conquer any fear.

I am hoping to make it home in time for the trick-or-treaters this year. It will be the first time as an adult that I am in a neighborhood that has kids to come door-to-door. Can you tell I am giddy about it?

Trick or treat!

Balance, hard work, and play…

Posted by random olio

Does your life ever feel balanced? Often one thing or another is out of whack. Either we are working too much, or someone is consuming our time, or we are socializing too much and we feel the effects of the imbalance in our life. Yesterday’s Daily Om on balance hit home for me because it has always been something I have struggled with – finding a balance in my life. I love this quote from this Daily Om:

“Balance is the state that you achieve when all of the aspects of your life and self are in harmony. Your life force flows in a state of equilibrium because nothing feels out of sync. While balance is necessary to have a satisfying, energetic, and joyful life, only you can determine what balance means to you.”

Why does finding a balance seem to be so hard for so many? Is it because we have high aspirations and want to accomplish so much in our lives? Do we say yes to all things we are interested in, and there truly is not enough time in the day? There are days when I work long hours, write my blog, spend time with Chris, go for my run (and read at the same time) and crawl into bed and in a few short minutes I am asleep. I love all the different activities that fill my life, but there are times when too much feels like too much.

My issue might be that I immerse myself in the world I am in. I work hard. I have high expectations for myself. I do not like to give up. Ever. If only I could have high expectations for play. For learning how to relax. Chris does a great job at pushing me to relax each day, but it is something that I need to learn to also balance on my own. I often ask myself: Why is it so hard to relax? How can I better learn how to balance my life between work and play?

What do you do to find a balance in your life?

Clever Halloween…and tasty pumpkin…

Posted by random olio

So for some random reason today I got inspired to dress up for Halloween. I think the last time I dressed up for Halloween was at LEAST ten years ago. However, I cannot decide what I should dress up as. Of course I want to do something unique and original, but I am not sure what. Maybe I should just shave my head and go as Sinead O’Connor. Ha. Not really that original though. I want to do something clever, but somehow I think I have maybe waited to close to Halloween to be able to pull off clever.

So I WELCOME your ideas. Please share your ideas and comments below.

I was in a meeting yesterday and I kept having a craving for pumpkin. Something happens to me at the beginning of October when the leaves start to change colors and crisply fall to the ground. There is a noise of crunching leaves as you walk, a smell in the air, sometimes of fires in fireplaces or just the crispness of autumn. In Portland, there is still the fresh greenness, mixed with the colors, and of course the rain. With all that color and smell, I think of everything tasting of pumpkin. Pumpkin spice lattes, pumpkin bread, squash soup. Yum. I know I wrote about cranberry sauce the other day, but for me that just goes with Thanksgiving. Things with pumpkin I usually want to eat from October through January. Usually when I can no longer order a pumpkin spice latte, I know fall is over and winter has officially begun.

Just finished the loaf of pumpkin bread I made. Time for my next pumpkin recipe.

Happy weekend to you!