concept

I have not read the book, but I am fascinated by the concept. How often do we baby our kids? How do strategically set them up for success?

A friend shared this article: “If Your Kid Left His Term Paper at Home, Don’t Bring It to Him” and it hit home. The article refers to the book: The Gift of Failure: How the Best Parents Learn to Let Go So Their Children Can Succeed by Jessica Lahey. I have added it to my reading list. Of course I have yet to birth this baby, but that does not mean I do not think about how we want to raise him and how dependence can happen so early, and often without parents really knowing it is happening. The author mentions parents who go back home because the kid forgot their homework assignment or lacrosse stick — teaching kids what?

“Over-parenting or fostering dependence, as she describes bailout behavior, has the potential to undermine children’s personal confidence and robs them of the grit they’ll need to succeed in the real world, after they’ve left the safe bubble of home.”

I will tell you, I never remember my parents bringing something I forgot to school. They were at work, at one point in elementary school my mom was teaching at my very school. She was not going to leave to bring something I forgot. As my dad would have told me: “Tough luck.” He was not going to go out of his way to take care of things that were mine to remember. That was my responsibility. He never thought of it as “letting me fail.” He just knew I would learn the hard way to remember — whatever the consequences of my choices.

Food for thought.

I was not feeling well over the weekend, which in my house means: snuggle up on the couch and catch up on movies. On Saturday we decided to start watching “Boyhood” at around 10:00 pm, not knowing that it is a 2 hour 45 minute movie! It took a bit for me to get into it (especially in the flu-bug fog that I was in), but once Chris told me a little more back story on the movie, I became intrigued.

The movie was shot over 12 years between 2002 and 2013, so over time you see the actual actors age and metamorphosis right in front of you. Directed by Richard Linklater, the movie has you wondering what is going to happen next and how quickly will you see them age, or how different will they be. From what I read, Linklater developed the script as they went through production, which is an interesting concept as you watch the actual actors grow. It makes the movie feel that much more real, almost as though the actors really are a family growing up together.

As you watch, you do not always know how old they are or how much time has passed as they grow. As their lives evolve through divorces, alcoholism, successes, moves, and other family adventures, you see how they make it through it all. In some ways this movie is the life of so many. The single mom, who tries to become more educated, marrying men who turn out all wrong and how it impacts her children who live with her, while also trying to maintain a relationship with their aimless father. I can relate from my own childhood (except the multiple marriages). The rest of the movie is very much my story too.

Linklater is clever. Filming over 12 years made this movie different and intriguing. If you have not seen it, definitely add it to your list!