Being Seen

Posted by random olio

Happy 2015! It is a new year, a new day, a new perspective. I have started this year off in a mellow way. For some reason (maybe having the flu) I have a very laid back view on this year, and maybe my engine just has not revved up yet.

I have been reading and just finished a book: “The Art of Asking: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Let People Help” by Amanda Palmer. An interesting book for me, as I hate asking for help from others. Yes. I am more of the do-it-myself variety. Asking for help means I have to trust others, and from past experience “others” can let you down, and not be there with what they said they would do. So I rarely ask. I am a product of my childhood where individuals often did not come through for me. Alas, I do not often ask. So I thought this book would be a good one for me to read.

I had an aha moment. Asking and being seen. One of my life pet peeves is not being seen. Somehow feeling invisible for much of my life (remember my dad felt that children should be seen and not heard) has been a pain point for me. I want to be seen and heard. Thus this ideas from Palmer especially resonated with me:

“There’s a difference between wanting to be looked at and wanting to be seen. When you are looked at, your eyes can stay blissfully closed. You suck energy, you steal the spotlight. When you are seen, your eyes must be open, as you are seeing and recognizing your witness. You accept energy and you generate energy. You create light. One is exhibitionism, the other is connection. Not everybody wants to be looked at. Everybody wants to be seen.” Page 201

I crave connection. To me there is no point in a relationship if there is no connection. While I have not told you much about Palmer’s book, I highly recommend her story. It is a long read, but she takes you through her triumphs and setbacks as a street performer, musician, wife, and friend. She easily is able to ask total strangers to crash at their home, but has a hard time asking her husband for money. I am the complete opposite. I can ask Chris for almost anything, and have a hard time asking friends, colleagues, and strangers for help. I know that 9 times out of 10, Chris will be there for me (no one is perfect). Yet, I do not know if I have those odds with everyone else in my life. Sad I know, but it is how I feel after being burned.

What do you want most? I do not want to be looked at, I want to be seen.

Give and take energy

Posted by random olio

I have written often over the past year about energy. What energy do you bring into a room, a group of people, a home, your place of work? I constantly go back to the idea of energy and how we always have control over our own and how we allow it to ooze, and cover whatever we touch. Some days the sun is shining brightly and it brings a smile to your face and that energy is spread to everyone else. Those are the good days and that is the energy that is contagious. Other days we step in gum, cannot find a parking spot, and feel our energy is just off, and sometimes that bummer day is spread to everyone else.

I love this quote about energy from a Daily Om “A Question of Balance.” While it talks about intimate relationships, it actually really applies to any relationship:

“One of the most beautiful qualities of an intimate relationship is the give and take of energy that occurs between two people.”

Whether the relationship is with a co-worker, a close friend, a sibling, or significant other, the energy you share with them matters. Think about how it feels when you walk into a room and you feel completely welcome. There is a warm and happy glow. Do you ever think about the energy you give, or what you bring to each interaction? How does your energy level, your positive (or negative) emotions bring others up or down? Do you come into situations with the intent to help elevate others, or do you intend to bring them down?

At times I feel like a sponge, absorbing the energy around me. What takes the most energy and effort is to walk into a room of negativity, and gloom and keep yourself above it while also attempting to elevate or raise the energy and emotion of others. It tends to be easier to join a negative environment then it is to raise the bar from negative to positive. A happy and positive environment is always easy to join, as I said before, it is contagious.

Bring on a positive, slap happy, environment full of laughter. I will be there with you any day.

You are responsible for you.

Posted by random olio

I have wanted to frame the quote: “You are responsible for the energy you bring into this home.” I think of that idea often. It can translate into so many other places. “You are responsible for the energy you bring to this company, this job, this friendship, this marriage.” We are each responsible for our own energy. Do you think about that before entering or responding to a situation? Do you put yourself first, and think responsibly about the state of your energy before helping or saying: “Yes” to others? It will matter and help or hinder your ability to respond appropriately.

You are in the driver’s seat. Sometimes I think we forget that. We think “well I could not get out of this situation, it happened, it was bad timing.” Sometimes that might be true, but other times we have a choice, and we either forget, or do not challenge ourselves to be our best selves. You do truly create each moment of your day. Well…actually, you create how you react to each moment of each day. The best way to do so is to put yourself first. It is not selfish, it is self-care to make sure you are grounded and prepared to handle any curve balls that are thrown your way. I recently caught up on a stack of old Fast Company magazines, and found this article by Devora Zack. The article is about managers that suck, which is funny because I am not at all interested in the title of the article, but found this great quote, on what we can focus on, and control. It could be popped right out of the article and speak for itself:

“In fact, you only directly control three things in the entire world. Interestingly, none of these are other people. You are in charge of your thoughts, your words, and your actions. That’s it. Most of us neglect these three key items, however. Instead we direct our precious, limited energy on thinking and talking about how others should be different. This is fruitless and even lazy. As long as I’m focused on what’s wrong with you, I don’t need to pay any attention to improving me.”

As Zack states, we have control over our thoughts, words, and actions. We probably all know that already. We just forget about it. Together let’s focus our energy on what matters. Focus on our ourselves, and watch the energy we bring into each conversation. I have a hunch that the more you focus on it the more aware you will be on how you handle your energy in good and bad situations.

Suck the life out of your day

Posted by random olio

It is a good thing. Yes, when you can crawl into bed at the end of your day, and know that you have truly sucked every moment out of your day. You have been present.

I like to think of it as absorbing every molecule of life. The good, the beautiful, the ugly, the stinky. Absorb. What an interesting word. It makes me think of a sponge and how when it attracts water to it, it expands and becomes absorbent. When it does not have liquid, it contracts and dries up. A sponge is such a great analogy to sucking the life out of your day. If you do not fill your day with items of interest and engagement you start to wither and dry up.

Think about all the things in your day that you are passionate about, the things that inspire and give you energy. Did you come up with what that is for you? Is it helping people, pushing them to see life differently? Or is it designing the best new innovative product? What energizes you? Whatever it is, when you feel that passion and energy, that means your sponge is filled. It has absorbed the energy, and there is an urgency within you.

Urgency. Now that is another topic of interest. When you feel passion for what you are doing, when you are engaged, you feel a sense of urgency. You want to make things happen. You want to move people to look at their life differently. You want to launch that new technology that will change lives. You absorb and suck the life out of your day. You live and breathe all that you stand for, and you make things happen.

Suck the life out of your day.

Tired, but puzzle pieces galore.

Posted by random olio

Yes, it is Friday. It has been a long week. Last night, well actually 3 nights this week I came home from work, skipped my run, slipped into my pajamas, and curled up on the couch to work for the rest of the night. There are some crucial deadlines happening in the next few weeks that require my attention. I have had back-to-back meetings all week, which means that my true focus time on emails, writing, and strategy is at night in my sweatpants, glasses, and The Voice on DVR. It is my life this week. What is funny is I do not really mind. I love the variety of projects I have to think through and execute on. What I miss is my daily run and book.

It is funny to me that the hardest part of my week is the lack of movement. It has become an addiction for me. Sometimes life throws us a curveball and we have to make different choices. Even if I did not need to come home to write and strategize, I am not sure I have the energy this week to strap on my LunarGlide 5’s. If I had a window for this week, I think I would either slide into a steaming hot bath, or crawl into bed. Why? Well, I am tired.

You might think, wow. You need to find a balance, and yes, I do. What is great though is that right now I love what I am doing. I like the vast variety of projects I am working on, that I constantly have to think of how it is all going to come together. It is like a puzzle that you have to put together, but you do not have the picture on the top of the box. Instead you have to figure out what the puzzle is going to look like without a guide or a map. Funny right? Isn’t that what life is all about? We do not have a map, and if we did the world would rip it up, smash it into a wad, soak it, burn it until we can handle that blank puzzle, and design the pieces new everyday.

Sometimes we have days where we are able to connect all the dots, and finish the puzzle and other days where we can barely find all the edge pieces amongst the 4000+ other pieces. Isn’t that what makes life interesting? If we kept putting together the same damn puzzle (that only had 10 pieces) wouldn’t you be so so so bored? I would. I love the adventure of putting together what I know, meeting new people in the process, learning about their life, finding out how they fit in my puzzle, or I in their puzzle, and finding out what glorious picture ends up in front of me. Then I smile and start all over again with a new puzzle.

For now though, I look forward to some sleep, and time with my better half. I have earned it.