Moment by moment

Posted by random olio

It is wedding season. So far we have already been to two weddings this month. I have to confess: weddings are just not my thing. However, I have to share about a wedding I went to on Saturday.

We were in Bend, Oregon at a ranch in the beautiful countryside. There were horses out in pasture as we drove up to the ranch (the location of the wedding and reception). It was a gorgeous day, in the low 80’s, dry, and from sunrise a clear blue sky day. If I woke up as the bride, it would have been the perfect day for a wedding. Until a forest fire broke out. Yes, from what the news said, there were two forest fires, and from the sounds of it they were not controlled fires. As we were driving into the ranch, this is what we saw. I was hopeful that the bride would still have the perfect day.

Let me back up a bit. I kept having the intuition throughout the day to text the bride and tell her I was thinking about her. I know how often mother’s and mother-in-law’s and other family can jump in and think they are helping during a wedding, but are actually overwhelming the bride. Not knowing what her day would be like I was going to text her the following: “Remember your wedding is about you and [insert name to keep it anonymous], only the two of you. It is not about anyone else. Know that I am thinking about you today. Do not think for a second about anyone else.” I never sent the text. We met friends for lunch, we got iced coffee, we walked around town, I went for a run, and yet I never sent the text. Part of me did not want to bug the bride, as I knew it was a busy day, and part of me just did not follow through.

Jump back to the time of the wedding. We were told upon arrival to get something to drink and to take a seat (the ceremony was near a pond or river of water and in direct sun). The groom and groomsmen walked down the green to the front, and moments later we hear a siren, and listen as it comes closer and closer to us. It parks in front of the house where the reception is at, and the bridesmaid and bride are standing on the porch on their way down to the ceremony. A firefighter in a yellow slicker stops at the porch, and we all turn to watch. We all wonder: “will we be able to stay or will we be evacuated.” As well as: “What must the bride be thinking at this very moment.” Later I heard that the groom mentioned: “I just want to get married.” A perfect comment for the moment.

After a few folks run back and forth to us, and the bride’s father, we are told we have to evacuate, then moments later they tell us, we can do the ceremony as long as it is quick, and we must leave immediately afterwards. The precious flower girl (with a white dress and cowboy boots) runs quickly down the aisle, followed by the bridesmaids and bride, the perfect wedding happens, short and sweet and just right. All attendees are told to go to Drake Park near the Deschutes River near downtown Bend for the reception. Everyone pitches in to take something from the reception, beer, wine, flowers, food from the caterers. A bittersweet moment for the bride.

We each make our way to the park. As we leave the ranch, police and firefighters posted at different points along the way, and as we get farther and farther away from the ranch, more and more firefighters are going towards the smoke in the opposite direction that we are heading. All hands on deck, and all guests pitch in to try to recreate the reception for the bride and groom. Flowers are set out in the perfect way, folding chairs have been brought from the ceremony, all the food from the catering, framed photos of the bride and groom, the wedding cake + cupcakes, a table especially for the bride and groom. We all together decorate that portion of the park. There are even speakers and music. Such a sense of community after events that the bride and groom could do nothing about even if they tried.

My heart goes out to the bride and groom. Such a precious way to start a marriage. Flexibility, compassion, community, and adventure all on their wedding day. For all those days and months of planning that perfect day, in the end your friends and family were there as part of your celebration, regardless of location and it was perfect. You will have such a story to tell for years and years to come. Best wishes and so much love to both of you as you continue on your adventure!

Don’t sweat it.

Posted by random olio

Oh how we always sweat the small stuff. At times we are drenched. We are soaked with all the little things we have to do. Like a marathon, we have so many details to keep track of each day. Whether it is shuttling a kid from school to events each day, to all the work details, to our home repairs and upkeep, it all adds up and it is all a lot to sweat. As a runner I sweat profusely. You know I will have come back from a long run, because I am dripping. There is not a part of my running clothes that are not drenched in my sweat. I also stink like no one can imagine (well Chris can because he OFTEN mentions how bad I reek.)

I also often sweat the small stuff. It is hard not to as all the small stuff rolls up into the big stuff. I care about it all. I care about how someone is treated. I care about project outcomes. I care about how individuals feel. I care about how I make others feel. I care about being blunt, transparent, and real. I care too much. I sweat it all, and yet, there are so many things that I do not care about one bit.

So – how do I differentiate what to sweat and not to sweat? I do not have a formula. I trust my intuition. I think about my audience. I talk to myself. I talk to Chris. I fail. I succeed. I work too hard. I lose sleep. I try to do too much. I care. Is that a strength or a weakness? I am passionate about each and every aspect. How individuals are treated. How a project is tracking. How things could be improved. It all matters. It is all important.

Yet, so often the very issue that we are sweating is not what we should focus on at all. Maybe we care too much about one individual and they are not even paying attention at all. Maybe our focus should be more on our own world, life, and needs and yet we neglect them completely. Maybe we are completely ignoring what we should truly be focusing on it, but we cannot see it because we have blinders on. We are sweating in all the wrong places.

Do you sweat at all? Or is life cool and chill for you?

Absolute BLISS

Posted by random olio

A colleague shared this video in a meeting today, and it made me laugh and it made me ponder how much we really appreciate each moment of every day. Most of us have some (maybe not all) but some of our creature comforts available to us easily. Yet I wonder because we have access to most things, do we take them for granted?

This video is of a Norwegian man, Aleksander Gamme, who is on Day 86 of his trek in Antarctica. When he comes to his final food supply (at 0:54) …well you will have to watch. His bliss is contagious. What if we showed this excitement when we have something happen in our world? It would definitely spread happiness to those that watch us squeal in glee!

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What did you think? Cheese Doodles never looked so good. I love his accent, that in itself makes me happy. I am going to try it for a few days. Squeal with delight when something unexpected yet good happens and see if my excitement spreads to those around me. Want to try it with me?

Sweeping

Posted by random olio

Growing up in the Midwest, we called the thing you use to clean your rugs a sweeper. Yes regardless of whether you were cleaning a hardwood floor or a rug or carpet we would say: are you going to sweep? Now I say the collective “we” but I really mean my family growing up. Jump forward to my life with Chris and I would ask if he was going to “sweep” and he would just chuckle and ask what I meant. To him sweeping was when you were going to use a broom and truly “sweep.” Using a vacuum on carpet was “vacuuming.” I think I am 75% converted, but I still have slips where I ask if he is going to “sweep the rug.” Any other Midwesterners out there that said the same thing, or is this just something that was strange about my family?

In any case, this idea of sweeping was one I came across recently, and it made me ponder the idea of “sweeping.” The idea of sweeping and clearing away the gunk for new energy, is a welcome concept for me. One I had not thought about much before reading this Daily Om, titled: “Releasing and Welcoming.” This line particularly inspired me:

“Sweeping each morning prepares the ground for the new day at the same time as it deepens our awareness of the importance of letting go of the past to welcome the present.”

While I do not sweep each morning I am a clean freak, and this idea can translate to many other cleansing rituals I do around the house. For example, if I am inspired to be creative, I first want to clean and clear the gunk, extra stuff, and organize my life first. Once I have done so, I find that my creative time whether in front of the easel, or with pen and paper is that much richer. I have unearthed and removed the dirty thoughts, frustrations, and extra junk in order to find the space to welcome new creative ideas.

I do just the same thing at work. At times I might feel stuck about an idea or a new project. My teammates might find me start to clean my desk area, or the larger team space. I begin to organize. Sometimes I hear the mutter of: “here she goes again.” Often in the act of cleaning and organizing, I find the answer I needed for that project, and I go back and dig into it with gusto. It is amazing what a “vacuum” or “broom” can do to sweep away the crap. Yes, the 25% of me that still says “sweep the rug” will always be. You can take the girl out of Indiana, but you cannot take Indiana out of the girl.

Happy Sweeping…

Vulnerable

Posted by random olio

Vulnerability is the new black. Thanks to Brene Brown, more people are talking about vulnerability. I love the word in ways I never would have a few years ago. Why? Because it is making us more real. I dislike the dictionary definitions I found for vulnerable. Once you read Brene Brown’s book “Daring Greatly” you may just agree that we need to revise the definition. Most definitions talk about “being vulnerable to attack or harm.” Not too encouraging.

How about something about opening oneself up to the rawness and realness of life, to feel, act, and speak with openness? Ah, what would life be like if we said exactly what was on our mind all the time? We might know each other better, feel deeper, wonder what others think less. Would that be refreshing? I think so. So what holds us back from being vulnerable? Are we afraid of what others will think of us, or that we will offend another, or that we will put ourselves out there and it will not be reciprocated? All valid points, but are they enough to not make us just lay it all out there? Do we have too much to lose?

I am not going to say that it was ever easy to put my thoughts out there blunt and uncensored, but the more I have the easier it gets. Sometimes it can be messy. I can have an amazing evening with Chris and another couple and walk away thinking, “Did I say too much?” I often get a funny feeling inside that makes me revisit a conversation and I wonder what is making me circle through different moments of the night. Maybe I did say too much and maybe it was just right. Regardless, I was me in all my rawness. There is a bravery, an innocence, a transparency that comes with vulnerability. I will take that from someone any day. It means I am truly getting to see that other person. In happiness, tears, fear, you get to witness them for who they are in that moment.

By being vulnerable, we feel deeper, we form stronger connections, and we are all changed in the end. It is a risk, but I think it is worth it. Are you willing to take that risk and start being more vulnerable?